05-18-2013, 08:37 PM
Hey friends..I am really fed up of everything.I am confused about everything in life whether its career,sexuality,future life,taking decisions.My latest concern is about my career.I want to be a famous person and want to make a mark in the film(india) or advertising world or.However 1thing scares me out.i.e.if i become famous then the people i had randomly slept with claim and reveal about my sexuality then? though i hardly tell my real identity 2 any1 but they might recognize my face. Only 10-12 gay guys knows my real identity n few straight guys knows about my sexuality,they found out(that is more vulnerable);what if media asks questions about my sexaulity(though homosexuality is legal in india but its nt fully acceptable yet n i dont want 2 come out),or why i am not married etc;and 1ce i become famous, i cannot have random sex,then whom will have sex with? You see moreover,i am not a handsome hunk..i have an above average cute looks with reasonable features and short 5.3ht.and a gud proportionate body which makes me feel complex though i have overcome that problem quite a bit. So my ultimate goal is to get into films as a director(can't be an actor since i am short) but fear of my sexuality being revealed scares me out,so i am trying to get into advertising and gradually i would decide whether i should move to films or not.1more thing though i am saying i want to get into films but i dont know how much i am capable of though i know i have creative potential though. Lately and lastly..i would like to mention that i am trying 2 overcome my sex addiction which is very tough and thinking 2marry in the next 5-7yrs(i am 25)and become a father soon but i doubt will i be happy that way too as i have never been with a girl and with men though i am very fond off and very much attracted sexually and emotionally but still i can't imagine two men living as husband wife-kinda weird 2 me though i have never been into a long term relationship with a man either and moreover gay life is more about sex,infidelity,kinky,insecurities,and only about looks, hardly any relationships lasts long though exceptions are there.I dont want to be alone for the whole life and don't want 2 see pity looks on peoples'face n thats why i want 2 get married 2 a woman and that is why i have stopped random sex to have a better control in refraining myself from meeting guys after marriage.Guys i know i have bored you with my story of perplexity but a good advice from you would be very very grateful.