Break up after nearly 4 year relationship
05-26-2013, 11:25 PM
Alright guys, I m here looking for some advice.
Three weeks ago, my boyfriend decided to break up with me. At first he called it a break, then he mentioned that if I need closure I can text him. At the time I couldnt put my thoughts into words so of course I didnt voice my opinion when I was last with him. We have been in a long distance relationship for 3 out of the 4 years we have been together.
Lately, I have been having health issues, bad anxiety and worrying a lot about my health. It has gotten worse over the last few months when I even had to go to the emergency room. They detected something with my heart but then found nothing serious.
Anyways, my ex told me that part of the reason why he broke up with me was because of the issues I was having, saying I was not fulfilling my role as a lover and lost a bit of my personality over my health issues. He has even said that I am sick and in need of help.
I do have some anxiety issues throughout my life but it is managable, it hasnt been this bad in a while. We talked yesterday over the phone because I wanted to ask him a question. He said he wanted to break up with me without trying to make it work and talking it out because he didnt see a future between the two of us.
To me it came out of the blue because we were talking about what we were going to do when he comes to visit Montreal (he lives in Toronto) and how often he was going to visit. I tried so hard with this relationship, and we had a lot of good times.
I was the one that had to do the visits in the relationship throughout the long distance. He is doing a PhD in bio-chemistry and I am working full time for one of my dream jobs. It was always a hassle to bug him to get him to come visit me. He is also in the closet (only to his family) and out to everyone else. I felt like I was his third priority. There was his career, his family and then me. I did see him try to make it work for a long time, but a some point I did not feel any growth in our relationship. Maybe it was just me not appreciating what I have and getting depressed and anxious, but it became tougher for me to beleive things would work out.
He even said that he could see himself in a long distance relationship for life. That is something I dont think I could handle. Especially if its me putting the effort in the relationship all the time. Now logic would dictate that this break up was going to happen either way, but I am still having a hard time moving on.
I blocked him from all social networks so that I dont get reminders of him, but its hard not to think back at everything I love about him. Bubbly personality, always wanting to explore and do something new, good in bed and always positive. I really do love him.
I just felt as though I was the third wheel in his life and was just being taken along the ride. I asked him months ago if he could manage to come to my cousin s wedding and he told me that he wouldnt even try to put it in his schedule because it is not a priority in his life at the moment which really hurt me. Which to me meant that I wasnt a priority in his life.
I just find it really tough right now because I am scared we are both missing out on something great, maybe because I dont have enough patience to watch him grow or he cant see himself grow anymore. Maybe he ll never be ready to come out to his parents and live a happy life in all aspects.
Not to mention I believe he is sometimes still hung up from his ex from 7 years ago. Which was always in the back of my mind. He was just never willing to communicate with me. Whenever I asked for some sort of comprimise he would shut that notion down. It s been a tough relationship to get through. Now here I am, hoping beyond hope, that something can change and we can make it through this rocky time. Although I know it s not going to happen.
He also never included me in the planning of his future plans, saying that he might possibly move to California after doing his PhD. No conversation whatsoever on how I fit in his life, only that all we have is now and that we couldnt worry about the future.
Has anyone been through this sort of situation? Do you have advice for me ? should I move on? should I keep hope that we will somehow get through this and be together in the future? I am finding hard to put my foot forward. Any advice would be nice.
Three weeks ago, my boyfriend decided to break up with me. At first he called it a break, then he mentioned that if I need closure I can text him. At the time I couldnt put my thoughts into words so of course I didnt voice my opinion when I was last with him. We have been in a long distance relationship for 3 out of the 4 years we have been together.
Lately, I have been having health issues, bad anxiety and worrying a lot about my health. It has gotten worse over the last few months when I even had to go to the emergency room. They detected something with my heart but then found nothing serious.
Anyways, my ex told me that part of the reason why he broke up with me was because of the issues I was having, saying I was not fulfilling my role as a lover and lost a bit of my personality over my health issues. He has even said that I am sick and in need of help.
I do have some anxiety issues throughout my life but it is managable, it hasnt been this bad in a while. We talked yesterday over the phone because I wanted to ask him a question. He said he wanted to break up with me without trying to make it work and talking it out because he didnt see a future between the two of us.
To me it came out of the blue because we were talking about what we were going to do when he comes to visit Montreal (he lives in Toronto) and how often he was going to visit. I tried so hard with this relationship, and we had a lot of good times.
I was the one that had to do the visits in the relationship throughout the long distance. He is doing a PhD in bio-chemistry and I am working full time for one of my dream jobs. It was always a hassle to bug him to get him to come visit me. He is also in the closet (only to his family) and out to everyone else. I felt like I was his third priority. There was his career, his family and then me. I did see him try to make it work for a long time, but a some point I did not feel any growth in our relationship. Maybe it was just me not appreciating what I have and getting depressed and anxious, but it became tougher for me to beleive things would work out.
He even said that he could see himself in a long distance relationship for life. That is something I dont think I could handle. Especially if its me putting the effort in the relationship all the time. Now logic would dictate that this break up was going to happen either way, but I am still having a hard time moving on.
I blocked him from all social networks so that I dont get reminders of him, but its hard not to think back at everything I love about him. Bubbly personality, always wanting to explore and do something new, good in bed and always positive. I really do love him.
I just felt as though I was the third wheel in his life and was just being taken along the ride. I asked him months ago if he could manage to come to my cousin s wedding and he told me that he wouldnt even try to put it in his schedule because it is not a priority in his life at the moment which really hurt me. Which to me meant that I wasnt a priority in his life.
I just find it really tough right now because I am scared we are both missing out on something great, maybe because I dont have enough patience to watch him grow or he cant see himself grow anymore. Maybe he ll never be ready to come out to his parents and live a happy life in all aspects.
Not to mention I believe he is sometimes still hung up from his ex from 7 years ago. Which was always in the back of my mind. He was just never willing to communicate with me. Whenever I asked for some sort of comprimise he would shut that notion down. It s been a tough relationship to get through. Now here I am, hoping beyond hope, that something can change and we can make it through this rocky time. Although I know it s not going to happen.
He also never included me in the planning of his future plans, saying that he might possibly move to California after doing his PhD. No conversation whatsoever on how I fit in his life, only that all we have is now and that we couldnt worry about the future.
Has anyone been through this sort of situation? Do you have advice for me ? should I move on? should I keep hope that we will somehow get through this and be together in the future? I am finding hard to put my foot forward. Any advice would be nice.
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You are right, I do need to focus on myself. There has really been only one person in this relationship and I really did not want to admit it. It will be hard to move on but I will try to use forums like these to help me move past all this. 
