Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Nick I am very surprised at you. After Blue, after my experience with my ex and after the stuff you have gone through recently, this unwavering show of trust is dangerous, perhaps even opening the door for more troubles for you.
And the other stuff we have touched on in private....
Honestly, there is enough that you have experienced first hand that should make you a bit more willing and able to break through this 'privacy' issue and expect a bit more sharing of information....
I guess you are not jaded enough, or haven't been betrayed enough times for you to take a more proactive stance on keeping yourself protected.
I also have to wonder if you extend this privacy thing to the kids. When they become teenagers are you not going to look in their drawers for drugs? Are you going to allow them to email and contact 'bad people' who can harm them?
Hmm, without touching too private stuff... that's the problem, checking mails and going through drawers won't give you what you are looking for.
Can anybody forbid you to contact "bad people"? No. And the same goes with kids. You can control them for some time, and then you have to keep giving advice and trust them.
Sure, you can keep them away from a computer or a cellphone. But if they want, they will simply borrow a phone from their schoolmates, get an email account and do all their conversation from there.
The time changed and keeping an eye on kids is much more difficult than when we were kids.
You know that my partner spends several nights a week away from home because of his business. Any ideas how to "keep an eye" on him?
I have like ten different email accounts and I am a member of several boards, how would you want to keep and eye on me if I were your partner? I have the internet connection at the office and another phone on my desk. Why would I use my cellphone?
You need to decide who you can/want to trust. Yes, you can end up badly hurt. But checking your partner cellphone won't prevent that.
My colleague's husband simply takes her phone and in front of her starts to check messages and calls. That's an unbelievable way how to show her that he has the upper hand. I would never allow that. I share my life with my partner but I am not willing to give up my privacy and I am not willing to take away his.
Without being willing to trust, Bowyn, you can't never win. Sure, the process of deciding IF you can trust the particular person, needs to be there. But you can't spend your life doubting every word or action of your partner AND be happy.
Trust me (hmm
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:biggrin
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, I know how hard that is now. I wish it wasn't. I wish I didn't know.