Cheating

[KawaiiKitty]

I think Nick and Bowyen are two of the smartest people on this board.

But I gotta hand it to Nick on this one.

He's right. And since I travel a lot for work every month I have come to also make a "leap of faith". There's nothing I can say or do to stop any "unfaithful activity".

And consequently my partner is in the same boat.

We could probably both cheat and get away with it--for a while...but that's the risk I guess. The key is finding someone with similar values--but of course there's no guarantee.

This monogamy thing is weird right?

Please keep in mind Im not trying to judge you or your life with about what Im trying to say. Ive always wondered if its actually fair to the person you are asking to wait for you to spend their sexually active year(s) waiting for you while you are off in another country doing a job that you love? I could possibly one day be in this situation myself. Ive always wanted to have a job where I could jet set across the world and be in a new place every night but I dont think I would want to do that without my bf by my side. I dont think it would be fair of me to ask my partner to put his sexuality on hold just while Im off doing my job. It would be enough for me to turn down a position like that should it arise if he couldnt go with me.

To me its like putting temptation in their way. Or more like starving a fat person for a week and then telling them you are gonna put a twinkie in a room with them alone. They can smell, touch, see but cannot eat the Twinkie. No matter what they do thats the only rule they cannot break. I just dont think its fair to put that much pressure on someone.

I do genuinely think that my bf would wait for me but I know he wouldnt be happy and even eventually break up with me if I spent too much time away. If you set parameters in a relationship its probably the most important thing in that relationship to stick to them. Without that there is no trust. Just because a partner is oblivious to their partner cheating doesnt make the cheating right.

[LateBloomer]

Please keep in mind Im not trying to judge you or your life with about what Im trying to say. Ive always wondered if its actually fair to the person you are asking to wait for you to spend their sexually active year(s) waiting for you while you are off in another country doing a job that you love? I could possibly one day be in this situation myself. Ive always wanted to have a job where I could jet set across the world and be in a new place every night but I dont think I would want to do that without my bf by my side. I dont think it would be fair of me to ask my partner to put his sexuality on hold just while Im off doing my job. It would be enough for me to turn down a position like that should it arise if he couldnt go with me.

To me its like putting temptation in their way. Or more like starving a fat person for a week and then telling them you are gonna put a twinkie in a room with them alone. They can smell, touch, see but cannot eat the Twinkie. No matter what they do thats the only rule they cannot break. I just dont think its fair to put that much pressure on someone.

I do genuinely think that my bf would wait for me but I know he wouldnt be happy and even eventually break up with me if I spent too much time away. If you set parameters in a relationship its probably the most important thing in that relationship to stick to them. Without that there is no trust. Just because a partner is oblivious to their partner cheating doesnt make the cheating right.

I hear what you're saying, but I have a few thoughts:

1) I had this job before I met my partner. I actually met my partner BECAUSE I have this job.



So he knew what sort of lifestyle we would have when we talked about it.

2) I don't think expecting anyone to wait a week or two while I'm gone for work is asking too much. It's not like I'm going off to sea or war for many years only to return old and haggard, if at all.

3) Every couple is different. If long stretches of time apart are difficult then that needs to be addressed early in the relationship.

My partner and I work very hard closing the distance every trip. He actually LIKES his freedom while I'm gone. And yes, just to be clear, trust is a HUGE part of the equation.

Thanks for your question.