I'm gay, so why do I find the LGBT community more offensive than supportive

[Rainbowmum]

As my youngest son says and I quote " Running around half naked with feathers and glitter does not make you gay ,it makes you a spectacle."

[KawaiiKitty]

And as I say and I quote, "Running around with half a brain while trying to judge and fit others into what YOUR idea of gay should be doesnt make you normal, it makes you a bigot and hypocrite.

[KawaiiKitty]

Let me waddle my faggot ass up in this Bitch and Duck walk on you hoes ^o^.

Firstly, as we all very well know,some more so than others, comfort in one's own skin is not an easy task to achieve, especially when placed in a minority or least favourable margin, so the pride of your skin, no matter how it may be displayed, shallow or not, is a beautiful thing.

Sure, some peeps might tear the ass out of it, literally in some cases, but that's them. It's not you, doesn't represent you and is not something for you to judge.

And while on the topic of judging, since inevitably, you will be judged until the day you die and perhaps thereafter if that's your belief, it won't matter how you present yourself or how your "lifestyle" is presented, it will still be judged.

That's why many of these men and women take their day to live it up, because it's the one day they don't and shouldn't have to worry about giving any of their Fucks.

And even still, it shouldn't matter about what people might be thinking about you or being "conservative", because you won't be any better or less in anyone's eyes, at least not mine.

I would sit on a park bench and share a joke with someone conservative, just as easily as I would someone veeery liberal, in fact, I would probably share more than one joke with a liberal person, because I find it more appealing to me personally.

Doesn't mean you have to be ultra slutty, nor ultra stuck up, but it shouldn't matter if you are. Just so long as you are kind.

Pride to me, is appreciating who YOU are and all of your flaws,struggles,achievements and experiences, no matter the form it might take.

If a Heterosexual takes traits seen commonly expressed as a stereotype or behavior to be exhibited by us, then that's on them. We know it's not true, so why do we have to prove anything and degrade the ones who happen to display such traits and qualities?

for my Gay Pride is everyday for me and I couldn't give a Fuck if someone doesn't like how I express my pride. An introduction can be made with my Clit and they can politely eat me out.

Like many others, I've been through way too much for me to care. If I'm proud of who I am,then that's all that should matter and is all that matters to me.

And Ps. Rainbows are cute. I...I wanna ride one ^o^

QO I swear how can you type such eloquence and be so awesome at the same time?

I wish there were infinite thanks I could add to your post cause i couldnt have said what you did any better at all.

I love what you said about people ALWAYS judging the LGBT community because its SO FUCKING TRUE. They won't only judge you for being gay either. People are gonna judge you no matter what. Ive found that if someone is gonna judge you unfavorably theyre gonna find SOMETHING about you that they dont like and they will focus on that and that alone. It doesnt matter if youre gay, straight, bi, left handed, a red head, or handicapped people are gonna judge and make assumptions.

Since you cant physically control what other people think of you, why are you spending so much time worrying about it? Do you worry a meteor will strike the Earth and kill all of humanity? No, because you cant do anything about it? WELL GUESS WHAT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU EITHER! The trick is to just not care what other people think of you because in the end what makes you happy is the most important thing in life because the rest is pretty much out of your hands. People are gonna be people and haters are gonna be haters. Id rather enjoy my life instead of being beholden to what other people think.

Like Queen said Pride SHOULD be the days where gay people cant just say fuck it and do whatever they feel like.

[trialbyerror]

Don't feel ashamed because pride parades are not your thing. You can respectfully disagree with people because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The thing about opinions though, is its, best to understand why someone believes something so theres a better understanding of one another.

Don't worry about being conservative and feeling the way you are, you have self awareness of your feelings when you said, "All that leads to the question....why. Am I just too conservative to get it? Is it wrong that I find things like Pride and LGBT bars/districts/events offensive? Or have I spent so long around hetero people trying to be "normal"" That shows you do care for the community, just gay pride parades are not your thing. Also, your on this forum to discuss your thoughts and feelings about things, which shows you care about the community here.

I think you should definitely give another parade a chance, I have yet to go to my first parade and I'm a bit nervous myself. I'm very shy and I don't want to go and realize i didn't like it. That being said, I realized myself that I need to stop over thinking and worrying. I got to let go and just have fun for once in my life.

Born this way
Read the link, the whole link. Nothing to do with being conservative, everything about making a spectacle of us, me included.

Trial by error

[Tyrion]

I'm personally mixed on the pride festivals / parades. On one hand, it's nice that people can gather and express themselves.. but at the same time.. the whole nakedness thing just creeps me out, and it's completely unnecessary. The last thing I want to see is some naked person (of any gender) out in public. It's all just too over-the-top for me.. but I can understand why people go to them.

[themage18]

Wow. First off I want to say thank you to everyone who posted in this thread. I'm hoping we can continue discussing this more.

QueenOdi and KawaiiKitty, thank you also for your posts. Both of you have given me two very good points. The first is a prime example of why I feel so out of place at places like Pride, Gay bars, etc. I'm uncomfortable around some of the events there and I'm labeled as judgemental. Please explain to me how that's any better than the religious and anti-gay griups we fight againts evrey day of our lives? What does being gay have to do with waddling up in this bitch? What does dressing in skimpy clothing have to do with the fact that we're born loving other men or women? And why does my uncomfortableness with that make me judgemental?

The second is that my discomfort may very well stem from being judgemental. I don't know, that's why I came here and posted in the first place. Am I alone (found out I'm not)? What am I missing? Have I missed something on why it's necessary to fly a rainbow flag and celebrate so largly?

[Geminize]

I agree with the OP. I have no interest in going to a pride event. San Francisco can definitely trend toward a porn festival. I have no interest in bringing myself or my kids to anything like that.

Kinda related... When my bf and I first started sharing our relationship with friends I became uncomfortable with something. As I met some of his friends (in their homes or out for dinner or drinks) he always made a point of identifying himself or us as gay. He worked it into the conversation whether it fit or not.

I confronted him about it and he was totally unaware that he was doing it. My preference is simply to spend time with friends and meeting new people, without announcing my sexuality. It's not that I'm ashamed of it, I just don't feel a need to broadcast. Fortunately, he was able to hear me and change his behavior.

[Pix]

I used to go to a gay club. It was laid back, not at all crazy, just normal place to relax, have a drink, mingle, sometimes dance. You weren't required to be a spectacle, wave a rainbow flag, or be naked, and anyone who did just might get thrown out (unless they were funny about it).

There was a lesbian bar that got wilder, though generally (like like clubs for straights) only on Friday & Saturday (interesting enough one day in the middle of the week was "country music night" and THAT got surprisingly erotic to me, at least the couple of times I went). Usually, such as on karaoke nights, it was just a normal place. There was drama and hook ups and all that, but nothing you wouldn't find in a straight club.

And as for the nights it did get wild, ever been to a regular club? That's just as sexualized, and also has their judgmental cliques (but not everyone is, of course, just like not everyone is at gay clubs). They're called meat markets for a reason. That's STRAIGHT clubs, in case I wasn't clear, and they're very common...though just like gay clubs they're not all that way.

[KawaiiKitty]

Wow. First off I want to say thank you to everyone who posted in this thread. I'm hoping we can continue discussing this more.

QueenOdi and KawaiiKitty, thank you also for your posts. Both of you have given me two very good points. The first is a prime example of why I feel so out of place at places like Pride, Gay bars, etc. I'm uncomfortable around some of the events there and I'm labeled as judgemental. Please explain to me how that's any better than the religious and anti-gay griups we fight againts evrey day of our lives? What does being gay have to do with waddling up in this bitch? What does dressing in skimpy clothing have to do with the fact that we're born loving other men or women? And why does my uncomfortableness with that make me judgemental?

The second is that my discomfort may very well stem from being judgemental. I don't know, that's why I came here and posted in the first place. Am I alone (found out I'm not)? What am I missing? Have I missed something on why it's necessary to fly a rainbow flag and celebrate so largly?

What exactly does it matter if one has anything to do with the other? Thats just my point. They are over there doing their thing and you are over here doing your thing AND worrying about them doing their thing too when you really dont have a reason to. If someone thinks you are like them then just set the record straight. You can be like no I dont go to clubs or Pride events or anything of that nature cause Im not into it. But if other people are into it then they have every right to be.

I dont think your discomfort comes from being judgemental. I think your discomfort comes from you worrying too much about what other people will think of you because of the other gays people at like Pride events and gay bars.

My bf has this issue as well. He is SOOOO self conscious in public(probably at least in part due to his Korean heritage) He wont hold hands or kiss or even hardly acknowledge that we are a couple in public. He's so self conscious that if we are in the car together at a red light and another car pulls up next to us he wont hold my hand or he will make me move my hand away from the back of his neck or whereever Im touching him. Even though we will probably never see or interact with those people ever again that we see at the redlight that is just how he is.

We've talked about this at length actually and even though it makes no logical sense thats just how he is and Ive learned to respect that. And I can respect you for feeling the same way. If it makes you uncomfortable then I would suggest you dont be around those kinds of people unless you necessarily have to. What you DONT have a right to tell other people how to live or how to have fun out of fear of what people who dont really matter in the end will think of you.

[OrphanPip]

I think it is equally as offensive when homophobes are homophobic because they 'can't stand fucking queers prancing around scantily clad throwing their junk all over the place while even kids are watching.'

So we are all judged by a majority based on the outrageous and at times darn right distastful and disgusting behaviour of deviants and perverts?

And us poofters living the quiet life plodding along with 100% acceptance because we are 'just being ourselves' shouldn't get upset?

If you want the majority to accept us, then we have to show them that we are, at the root of everything, no different to them...flambouyancy and overtly displays of sexualised behaviour in public places is never by any stretch of anyone imagination going to achieve acceptance and it rightly shouldn't. Sex belongs behind closed doors regardless of your sexuality.

Have your pride parades, but keep the fucking in your bedroom, and be proud to be a respectable human being before you are proud to be queer.

And I repeat:

Personally, I think your complaints are asinine. The mainstreaming instinct isn't about rights but about becoming part of the in crowd so that you can stand with the moral majority and be indignant about everyone who isn't like you. What is the goal of the gay rights movement? Is it to become part of the same system of sexual discrimination and moral oppressiveness, or is it to really change the landscape of sexual politics? I'd like to hope it would have been the latter. But unfortunately the movement has been increasingly coopted by the self-absorbed, middle-class, white queer who really deep down just wants daddy's approval.

Where is the line that some behaviour becomes deviant or perverted? The OP mentions in the pride thread that he finds people holding hands in public offensive, are all hand holders deviants that reflect poorly on us all. What makes us better than the homophobes if we're going around deciding that some people are perverts for behaving outside of the neat little box of bourgeois heterosexual expectations. Is acceptance the goal? Or should it rather be spitting in the face of every fucking twat with a stick so far up their ass they think they have the right to tell any two (or more) consenting individuals how they should love and fuck.