Need some advice about marriage

[Geminize]

Steven, you have a lot to think about here. I don't like to give advice on major life decisions based on a a couple of posts, but wow. I honestly don't know why you would consider marriage with this guy.

That may sound harsh, and I understand he can make you laugh and feel better at the end of a long day. (And I know sous chefs can have very long days!) A marriage needs much more than that, however. From what you have said, I think you could find yourself in a relationship where YOU are the caretaker for him for the rest of your days together.

At 25 he's had his chance to grow up, and missed it. It will only get more difficult as he gets older. When his grandmother needs more care than he is able to give or she dies, his life may change in a big way. On the other hand, his mother may be lonely and allow him to live with her forever.

You have already gone above and beyond all reasonable efforts to help him out. It seems he has no goals or ambition, so you need to ask yourself if that is the kind of guy you want to commit to. Seems to me it would be a very unbalanced relationship.

You've been together 7 years, so I get that it's scary to consider a change. I expect you don't want to hurt him, and it's not easy to start over after so much time. Based on what you've shared here, I suggest you seriously consider taking care of your own needs and ending things with him. It might even be what he needs to wake up and grow up.

Good luck man.

[Chef209]

Thank you everyone for your responses and advice. I will definitely have a lot to consider and think about. All of your insight and responses have been very helpful.

[Counselor]

I recognize his behavior, and he sounds selfish, which is not the way any relationship, especially a marriage, is intended to function. The lack or desire to at least support in both the financial and emotional aspects, compiled with the past cheating, make him sound spoiled, like he expects to be taken care of, with no expectation of himself.

He needs to grow up before you can expect him to be worth a marriage.