What went Wrong? The world's weirdest behaviour!!!!!

[estoyaqui]

Hi guys, im bi and i met a guy in a gay dating site,a handsome man, in my type.We started talking,i was nice and discreet.He started complimenting me a lot saying "you're hot, a beautiful man, quite a catch, you're the dream of every man " etc.He said come and stay with me, meet me, now.I thought it was a joke so i replied ok i'm coming now ha, eventhough we were 650 Miles away.We continued talking for days, in fb, on cellphone, he was texting me kisses,smiles,winks and other sweet texts... all the time i was reciprocating just as he was.we talked on phone every 3 days, every time i was calling him in a minute and he was calling me back from his mobile, from his house/office phone..we were talking every time about 1,5 hour and every single time he was saying come stay with me, we will have a great time, and i was replying "i want to", but i have bussiness here, we will see.

We kept talking, we saw each other on cam, he liked me more, he kept saying "come , you're hot, you're the perfect guy to get married, we have so much in common, i would like to marry you but i dont think you would want", and i replied "who konws maybe or maybe not"(I thought that in order to call me from his house phone he must be a serious guy).We kept talking for 6 months, in texts, calls and every time he would invite me into his house. I was recipient, cool, full in humor, i wasnt pushing him nor i was ignoring him..From our conversation and from what he was saying, i thought he was a balanced man, he had very logic thoughts and i thought that he must really like me to talk with me for 6 months.I really liked him but i was cool and ok..After the 154th invitation i said ok i will come..He said perfect, we would spend the best week of our life. Then he said "Come and if it doesnt happen anything with us i wont kick u out, we will spent a week as friends, and if it happens i will keep you and i wont let you go. I bought cheap airline tickets, and i texted him,"I m coming in a week"..he said "Great, i cant wait", every day he was texting "come" counting down 3days,2days to meet each other..

The morning before the flight i found a text "a thousand apologies, i was waiting so much and i knew smthng would go wrong, my sister will come the day after tommorow, i can only accomodate you for a night and an afternoon(hint that he wanted a one night stand). i texted call me and we will figure it out,he said i cant now i'll call later..he calls me saying that story, and i say "if u cant accomodate thats ok, another time, i understand, im going unpacking".He replied "sorry i couldnt prevent it, u bought tickets".I said tell me what you want it's ok, we have 2 minds we can work this out.he paused.he said" if u can come tommorrow for a day, later stay somewher else and after 3 days u will come in me, then asked do u have somewhere to stay? I said "i will find somewhere to stay"..then i suggested to ask his sister if she could come a day later, if she cant it's ok i will come for 2 days..i told him ask her and we will talk later... at noon i texted "what's up , tell me in order to make my schedule..,tell me anything, if u cant it's ok, if you can tell me because i wanna pack up things tommorow i'm flying"..he texted " i havent spoken to my sister yet"..i reply ok, is this a joke? At least tommorow the invitation is on, or will i fly and in the middle u will cancel? he replied" why are u teasing me? i had a bad day..i said ok im joking...i got mad, i deleted him from skype, and later he texted me did u erase me? i said no,skype must have gone wild.It's about 10 oclock in the night, he didnt text, i'm furious so i text him what's up finally? he said i cant find my sister, she isnt home",I called him3 times, he didnt answer, he texted i cant talk, i texted call me about a minute just to figure out something, or tell me something yes or no.he didnt replied.I sent, "you are inadmissible", he texted will you come for 2 days? i texted call me, those things are said on the phone not in texts...i called him again 2 times,he didnt answer, and then i texted" im cancelling the ticket because of your attitute, you're an asshole, i dont want to meet you anymore" bye!!! and 5 a.m. he texted i have no excuses and i wont excuse myself..i had a roughday, i was letting you wknow in texts what's happening as i always did, i couldnt answer the phone,i dont want you to have a wrong opinion about me,we arranged u come about 2 days, i really thought we had smth great and would have an affair, but as u want, goodnight".How can a hot guy for 6 months become so cold the last day? did i do smth wrong or he is crazy?

The next day from remorse and from the advices of my friends i texted sorry i called you an asshole, i thought u were avoiding me, u must had really bussiness...he replied " everythinh u said was totally worth it, a thousand apollogies but the situation is not as it seems....i was renovating my house, and it had a lot of commotion"... : ) ...and then he said if u want, we can arrange it again man"... come whenever u want, but u're gonna pay for that asshole word, hahaha, im going to punish u really hard PP"

We kept talking, then i gave him space for a week( i didnt want to be pushy) , and then he asked me u didnt come, i said i couldnt, i can now, im thinking to come in 3 days...he didnt reply...i texted can i call u? he said yeah man call me whenever u want..i call him and then he texts me i cant talk right now man, would u like to call u in 2 hours or tommorrow? i said whenever u can...he replied "whenever i can i 'll text u and if u are available i' ll call"...and of course it's been 2 weeks and hasnt called...and of course i didnt texted him again...

and pretty much all the internet dating meetings are like this....

[Ryocchi]

That sounds damn awful, i'm really sorry for you, all your friends probably told you already, but he doesn't deserve another thought from you, that was a shit thing to do, and I'm guessing you were right, he probably wanted a one night stand, now that for some miracle it's all like he said (thought I doubt it) the next step needs to come from him in a big way, So you should probably put this out of your mind, you did what you could, the ball's on him.

Again I'm sorry for you, best of wishes.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I don't know, apparently hook-ups and weirdness is all that modern Technological Man is capable off. I don't know if this is just mankind finaly released from social conventions that face to face conversation forced upon us, or if the technology has corrupted man...

I have been doing the online looking, and I get some, what I consider, really weird replies - guys who say they want LTR, but then want to do things like Skype and jack off ??? I don't have skype... I think its may be a mind control thing....

The latter half of last year I had an 'interesting' experience. A guy spent six months 'wooing' me and gradually getting me into a deeper and deeper net of emotional crap - to have him ultimately turn the whole situation into a royal nightmare. And that happened here on Gayspeak. He played on some of my 'issues' and turned around and created a scenario that set me back about twenty years on my dealing with those issues.

Why? I don't know. I may never know. But I am more aware that there are really some sick, twisted, manipulative, malicious, lying bastards in the world and they appear to use the internet with impunity to wreck unholy havoc on the emotions of people who only want a little love and find their companion in life.

Since then I have been on a learning curve, come to find out that game playing, manipulation and other scenarios are pretty much standard, run of the mill activity on the internet. It would appear you are dealing with a guy who is part of the 'new normal' in that he is using/abusing/manipulating/lying - whatever - for some self amusement at your expense.


I would suggest you distance yourself from this guy, try to move on the best you can. Try to forget him and the last 6 months of time and effort you put into this 'thing' which you felt had potential to be a real relationship.

Hopefully you can take something positive from this, some positive lesson that you can apply to future potential relationship. IDK, caution? Guardedness? Are those positive? IDK - I'm still working on figuring out my own lesson have stuck with paranoia as my standard operating procedure. LOL

[Sharo]

From what I gather from my limited experience (mostly things I know of, I had only one of those happening to me personally) it looks like there's a lot of this kind of people on the intrenet who do this for fun. For some reason it's entertaing to them to pretend that they're having/want to have a relationship with someone but when things start getting real, like in your case you actually going to meet him in reality, they chicken out. They want to meet because they never actually expect you to say yes, so when it happens they need to cook up some story to get out of that fishy situation, sometimes they want to keep the "relationship" the way it was, sometimes cut out all the contacts (like in my case).

Its possible you fell victim of such a person, I'm very sorry that this happened to you but unfortunately this doesn't surprise me. It seems like a plague recently, all I know about internet dating sites comes from other people but from what they're saying there's no hope of finding a relationship there, just hookups for one night or fake manipulative people like this, so if you count on a serious relationship it's probably not the best place (I don't know what is, I was found, I never had to look myself).

Anyway nothing that happend is your foult and honestly on your place I'd try to forget the guy as soon as possible, if we're reading this wrong, and he was indeed serious about all this but had some unexpected issues at the time, he'll take the time to contact you and make things right again, if he doesn't it's a clear information I think. Some missunderstandings are possible but from what it looks like you did all you could, you contacted him, you asked what's going on, you were willing to arrange another meeting, you kept calling while he did nothing, It's definitely time for his move now.

I am sorry that you invested so much into this and it ended that way, I hope things will turn out okay for you.

[estoyaqui]

ok thank you for ur answers.....i forgot to mention that i noticed the title in his skype saying hmmm "new love is in the air"...so maybe he found someone else that's why he is busy or he knows that i might get annoyed with this status and he is just playing with me....Anyway as you said the time will make things clear... The last 3 years in and out internet, i stumble across on players... They make first the big move on me, they show excessive interest while i am just friendly, in the meantime they approach me more, and more and more with high interest, and when i m starting having a good time they disappear playing games such as, i'll call you later and never call.... I got to the conclusion that you get over that stupid messy thing only if you are fooled many times, so u are immuned...

[kiwiinoz]

He seems to me one of those just talk but never do. I have met few exactly like him. But when it comes to meet up, they just either become silent or disappeared. The way of solution for me is simply walk away, never look back. Because if you give them a chance, they will do the whole thing all over again.

[Waylon777]

This is exactly why I avoid online dating sites. You never really end up meeting the guy face to face. And i tend not to trust people as much until I meet them face to face in real life. it's usually never ending talks, plus, talking to guys overseas or really can be really tiring since i don't have any kind of money to spend on to travel far... Either way, he either is actually really busy, or just teasing you like a sociopath. I know a sociopath from my mom's boyfriend's stories as a judge. Avoid sociopath at all costs!

[brybryan4]

Hi guys, im bi and i met a guy in a gay dating site,a handsome man, in my type.We started talking,i was nice and discreet.He started complimenting me a lot saying "you're hot, a beautiful man, quite a catch, you're the dream of every man " etc.He said come and stay with me, meet me, now.I thought it was a joke so i replied ok i'm coming now ha, eventhough we were 650 Miles away.We continued talking for days, in fb, on cellphone, he was texting me kisses,smiles,winks and other sweet texts... all the time i was reciprocating just as he was.we talked on phone every 3 days, every time i was calling him in a minute and he was calling me back from his mobile, from his house/office phone..we were talking every time about 1,5 hour and every single time he was saying come stay with me, we will have a great time, and i was replying "i want to", but i have bussiness here, we will see.

We kept talking, we saw each other on cam, he liked me more, he kept saying "come , you're hot, you're the perfect guy to get married, we have so much in common, i would like to marry you but i dont think you would want", and i replied "who konws maybe or maybe not"(I thought that in order to call me from his house phone he must be a serious guy).We kept talking for 6 months, in texts, calls and every time he would invite me into his house. I was recipient, cool, full in humor, i wasnt pushing him nor i was ignoring him..From our conversation and from what he was saying, i thought he was a balanced man, he had very logic thoughts and i thought that he must really like me to talk with me for 6 months.I really liked him but i was cool and ok..After the 154th invitation i said ok i will come..He said perfect, we would spend the best week of our life. Then he said "Come and if it doesnt happen anything with us i wont kick u out, we will spent a week as friends, and if it happens i will keep you and i wont let you go. I bought cheap airline tickets, and i texted him,"I m coming in a week"..he said "Great, i cant wait", every day he was texting "come" counting down 3days,2days to meet each other..

The morning before the flight i found a text "a thousand apologies, i was waiting so much and i knew smthng would go wrong, my sister will come the day after tommorow, i can only accomodate you for a night and an afternoon(hint that he wanted a one night stand). i texted call me and we will figure it out,he said i cant now i'll call later..he calls me saying that story, and i say "if u cant accomodate thats ok, another time, i understand, im going unpacking".He replied "sorry i couldnt prevent it, u bought tickets".I said tell me what you want it's ok, we have 2 minds we can work this out.he paused.he said" if u can come tommorrow for a day, later stay somewher else and after 3 days u will come in me, then asked do u have somewhere to stay? I said "i will find somewhere to stay"..then i suggested to ask his sister if she could come a day later, if she cant it's ok i will come for 2 days..i told him ask her and we will talk later... at noon i texted "what's up , tell me in order to make my schedule..,tell me anything, if u cant it's ok, if you can tell me because i wanna pack up things tommorow i'm flying"..he texted " i havent spoken to my sister yet"..i reply ok, is this a joke? At least tommorow the invitation is on, or will i fly and in the middle u will cancel? he replied" why are u teasing me? i had a bad day..i said ok im joking...i got mad, i deleted him from skype, and later he texted me did u erase me? i said no,skype must have gone wild.It's about 10 oclock in the night, he didnt text, i'm furious so i text him what's up finally? he said i cant find my sister, she isnt home",I called him3 times, he didnt answer, he texted i cant talk, i texted call me about a minute just to figure out something, or tell me something yes or no.he didnt replied.I sent, "you are inadmissible", he texted will you come for 2 days? i texted call me, those things are said on the phone not in texts...i called him again 2 times,he didnt answer, and then i texted" im cancelling the ticket because of your attitute, you're an asshole, i dont want to meet you anymore" bye!!! and 5 a.m. he texted i have no excuses and i wont excuse myself..i had a roughday, i was letting you wknow in texts what's happening as i always did, i couldnt answer the phone,i dont want you to have a wrong opinion about me,we arranged u come about 2 days, i really thought we had smth great and would have an affair, but as u want, goodnight".How can a hot guy for 6 months become so cold the last day? did i do smth wrong or he is crazy?

The next day from remorse and from the advices of my friends i texted sorry i called you an asshole, i thought u were avoiding me, u must had really bussiness...he replied " everythinh u said was totally worth it, a thousand apollogies but the situation is not as it seems....i was renovating my house, and it had a lot of commotion"... : ) ...and then he said if u want, we can arrange it again man"... come whenever u want, but u're gonna pay for that asshole word, hahaha, im going to punish u really hard PP"

We kept talking, then i gave him space for a week( i didnt want to be pushy) , and then he asked me u didnt come, i said i couldnt, i can now, im thinking to come in 3 days...he didnt reply...i texted can i call u? he said yeah man call me whenever u want..i call him and then he texts me i cant talk right now man, would u like to call u in 2 hours or tommorrow? i said whenever u can...he replied "whenever i can i 'll text u and if u are available i' ll call"...and of course it's been 2 weeks and hasnt called...and of course i didnt texted him again...

and pretty much all the internet dating meetings are like this....

Oh god! That sounds like something I would have no patience for anymore xD