Don't like giving oral sex, how to explain that to my man?

[Anonymous]

I’m gay and I’ve a boyfriend, we’re together for half a year. I'm 21, he's 23.

But there is a problem in our relationship. The thing is that I don’t like giving oral sex. I know how that might sound like, but I really don’t like it. Hard to explain why, my boyfriend is clean and smells good, so that’s not the problem. I just don’t like the process itself, the feeling of his penis in my mouth, the taste of his sperm. I almost don’t want to have sex anymore because I know I’ll have to do it again. For him it’s an important part of sex, I guess. He always says how great it feels and how good I am, but maybe he’s just pretending, because I don’t think I could be very good at something I hate.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend very much, he’s a wonderful person and I love his body as well. This is why I keep giving it to him, just because he likes it and I shouldn’t be selfish. However I don’t know how long I can stand it, I might just puke one day. He doesn’t know how it is for me, I haven’t said anything. I want to talk with him about it, but I’m afraid to offend him. I would like to find some solution, because I’m ok with any other kinds of sex, except this one. If not giving oral sex to him means I’m not receiving it, I’m fine with it.

What should I say so that I don’t make him sad?

[pellaz]

try to come to grips a reason why you feel this way, something beyond the top level reason, he will ask
talk it through with him soon, not as difficult as you think.

[LateBloomer]

Definitely talk it over with him.

But try to reach a compromise.

First of all, sex should be pleasurable. Nobody should force you to do something you don't enjoy.

BUT...if you don't like him in your mouth, maybe a compromise can be had on your technique. Rather than taking him IN your mouth, just use your tongue and lips (licking and kissing, etc...) without actually "sucking" per se.

Also use your hands to massage and stroke. With a little creativity on your part and some flexibility on his part you can both find a way to enjoy the act and be satisfied.

I once read a bumper sticker that said, Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad it's still pretty good.



You know, not EVERY encounter has to be mind blowing in order to be satisfying. Over time, as you get to know each other better the sex will improve as long as you keep giving each other the respect and feedback it takes to have a mutually satisfying experience.

Good luck.

[Beau]

Maybe you prefer a more active roll in sex. Meaning you like to be pleasured, but not to pleasure. We all have a roll to play in bed. Some are tops and like to be "the man" while others are bottoms and like to receive. You may be a top.

I used to think I had to be 50/50 versatile while having sex. I wasn't fond of anal penetration when it was performed on me, but I always liked to give it to my man. Well I was very wrong. My boyfriend loves when I take a more active "manly" roll in bed and I couldn't be happier.

[Spellbound]

I don't think you should ever do something you're not comfotable with. Tell your guy you don't like it, and if he loves you he'll understand.

[gilhooly]

You don't respect him. You don't think he can handle the truth about how you feel. If you can tell a group of total strangers and receive respect, he is entitled to your respect. Most people have hang ups about certain acts. I liked to finger fuck guys but I disliked it when it was done to me. I made damn sure the guy understood my objection was to that act and not to him, in general.

You have a lot of gall if you think it will make him sad. He may laugh and tell you jerking off is better than your blowjobs.

Be truthful. Respect him. Respect your own instincts. Two guys in love can have fun on roller coasters or horseback riding. Don't fixate on sex. It's important. It is LOVE that you will remember 40 years from now.

Good luck
John

[kidchameleon]

As mentioned above, we all have different roles in the bedroom - some of us are completely versatile, some of us prefer giving pleasure, some of us like the other to do all the work, some are dominant, some or submissive, etc. I'm not one to give labels, but we do all have quite specific likes/dislikes in the bedroom, and for some of us these just won't change over time.

I've heard of plenty of people who don't like giving oral sex, so you're not alone in that. It's a problem I've heard a lot of my heterosexual friends raise as well. The best thing to do is just tell him how you feel about it, and either come to a compromise (say, maybe you only do it on special occasions? Or if he does something you really like in return?), or find some kind of substitute?

Push come to shove, one other alternative could be making him wear a blowjob while you fellate him? It'll change the texture, and you can try different flavors - which may also make the experience a little more enjoyable. And also, it'll remove the need to deal with his semen afterwards, as it'll safely be deposited in the condom. And that way, he - hopefully - won't be offended by you not swallowing it, because obviously it won't be going anywhere

If he finds it an important part of sex, it may be because of the foreplay element? Why don't you consider mutual masturbation, frottage, or something similar like that? Experimentation is always good in a relationship anyway, and you may hit on something that you both find equally enjoying - so that nobody feels like they're losing out, or having to do something they don't enjoy.

At the end of the day, sex - whether it's anal, oral, or whatever - should be enjoyable for everyone involved, so if you're not enjoying it, then it's not something you should feel pressured to do.

Hope I've helped

[Geminize]

I agree with the others above that say ideally sex is mutually pleasurable in a relationship. I strongly disagree that you need to have a rational explanation for why you don't enjoy giving blow jobs, or that you are being selfish. Who can explain rationally why they prefer blue over green, chocolate over vanilla, red wine over white?

You've done great by trying, even knowing you don't like it. Now you can tell your bf that this is a problem for you. Let him know that you feel nervous even bringing up the subject, since it seems obvious he enjoys it. There are plenty of ways to pleasure a cock, and this could lead to some fun exploration. Better to be open with him about it than get sick at an unfortunate moment.

[26hughsie]

There are plenty of other ways you show you feelings through your actions ,rather than do something you feel uncomfortable doing