Struggling about dating a guy who has HIV. What to do?

[Vigilias]

Infected supplies of blood are no longer an issue.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I did a mixed status relationship for 12 years. He came home positive two years into our relationship. I remained negative.

Too much stress, its always there between the couple. Fear of spreading it to your partner leads to no sex. Then when ever they get the sniffles you are wondering if this means the cocktail has stopped working.

And then when cocktails do stop working and the doctor says its time to move to the next one you are wondering how long that will last and how many cocktails are left.

It is also a financial burden as well. If who ever brings home the medical insurance gets laid off then what? $3000 to $6000 a month for prescriptions when you ain't go the income is a nightmare. Sure there are free programs to get on, but those take 30-90 days to kick in.

Then there is the bed shits, the shitty pants when you are at the store - those cocktails do a number on the digestive track. Shhh don't tell, we don't talk about that.

Then there is depression tied in to the cocktails and other interesting side effects.

Can you deal with a partner who is actually sick all the time - granted not in bed sick, but sick to one degree or another?

Having been there, I personally will never, ever get into a mixed status relationship again.

And that doesn't include the behaviors....

[Anonymous]

Condoms have this ability to break, you know. So it's not a safe way.

I'm informed well enough about HIV to know that actually I should keep him only a a friend. I doubt I'll ever be brave enough to have sex with him, but sexless relationships are not real relationships.

[Anonymous]

I did a mixed status relationship for 12 years. He came home positive two years into our relationship. I remained negative.

Too muchstress, its always there between the couple. Fear of spreading it to your partner leads to no sex. Then when ever they get the sniffles you are wondering if this means the cocktail has stopped working.

And then when cocktails do stop working and the doctor says its time to move to the next one you are wondering how long that will last and how many cocktails are left.

It is also a financial burden as well. If who ever brings home the medical insurance gets laid off then what? $3000 to $6000 a month for prescriptions when you ain't go the income is a nightmare. Sure there are free programs to get on, but those take 30-90 days to kick in.

Then there is the bed shits, the shitty pants when you are at the store - those cocktails do a number on the digestive track. Shhh don't tell, we don't talk about that.

Then there is depression tied in to the cocktails and other interesting side effects.

Can you deal with a partner who is actually sick all the time - granted not in bed sick, but sick to one degree or another?

Having been there, I personally will never, ever get into a mixed status relationship again.

And that doesn't include the behaviors....

I'm HIV positive and your post is just foolish, and at some points ignorant.

How can you fear monger other people out of possibly one of the best experiences of their lives because you had one isolated bad one?!

"Too muchstress, its always there between the couple."
The copious amounts of stress you claim will always be there between a serodiscordant relationship is TOTAL rubbish! You put that on yourself! It has nothing to do with your ex being poz, but everything to do with you being a negative person.

"Fear of spreading it to your partner leads to no sex."
I have an AMAZING SEX LIFE, and can honestly say I've never gave my HIV to ANYONE! If you're partner had such fears, your sexless relationship was on him alone (and probably you as well), and had nothing to do with him being HIV+.


"Then when ever they get the sniffles you are wondering if this means the cocktail has stopped working."
Who doesn't get the sniffles every now and again? People have allergies, and the occasional sneeze or cough shouldn't spark pandemonium, unless you are the type of person that dreads everything all the time, thinks of only the glass half empty, and is just overall miserable no matter what!

"And then when cocktails do stop working"
Cocktails aren't guaranteed to stop working, so long as the person infected is consistent in taking them, leads a healthy lifestyle, and doesn't have a very rare aggressive strain of HIV.

"It is also a financial burden as well."
You're once again generalizing and mixing up your experience of dating one person with HIV, and applying it to everyone out there who is HIV+. I AM NOT a guaranteed financial burden to anyone, and have never been!

Lots of things are "financial burdens". Emergencies happen, and as a good partner, you should, if need be, be willing to be there for your spouse no matter what! By your argument, you should never date anyone because there's a high risk, once you're married, that they'll be in a car wreck, and your insurance won't cover the high costs. It's called "life", and "shit happens", if you can't handle it then go hide in your little corner, and be single for the rest of your life.

"Then there is the bed shits, the shitty pants when you are at the store - those cocktails do a number on the digestive track. At this point you're trolling: "Shhh don't tell, we don't talk about that."
I've never had, nor do I know anyone whose ever experienced that being HIV+ and on meds. I'm sure the risk is there with the older medications that exist, and there a tons of non-HIV medications out there, as well as conditions like IBS that give people the shits. If you're that shallow to dismiss a possible life-long amazing relationship over something stupid like that, you shouldn't burden anyone with having to date someone like you in the first place!

"Then there is depression tied in to the cocktails and other interesting side effects."
Depression and some side effects, from very minimal to severe, are caused by many medications out there, and some people experience these things naturally. If that rules out a potential partner, you're going to be very lonely.

"Can you deal with a partner who is actually sick all the time - granted not in bed sick, but sick to one degree or another?"
I AM HEALTHY AS A FUCKING OX! Undetectable, with a cd4 count parallel, or better, to that of someone who doesn't have HIV. If anything, I'm healthier than most people that aren't poz.



To the OP: Don't let this tool misinform you. His post clarifies that no matter his partner's HIV status, there's bound to be problems. When you loath about, or look into the worst of, anything and everything, bad things are bound to come to fruition!