Self Esteem Woes

[brybryan4]

How do you guys handle self-esteem issues? I have such low self-esteem sometimes I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

I haven't really had many rejections, but the ones I have had were pretty bad. So maybe that's a cause. I like even go to counseling partly for this reason. I just don't know what to do :-(

[missourigaymer]

Alot of people can relate to that problem, including me. I found a great way to keep up my self esteem. First, I look into the mirror, and point out only the features I like about myself. Then I tell myself no matter what others think, no matter what they say, I am who I am, and I love me. In a nutshell, what I do is combat the problem with a little perspective. Hang in there, and be true to you!

[Arkansota]

I go outside, enjoy the warm Southern air, and forget my troubles.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I stew on it, starve myself, and beat myself up for being the ugliest person on earth. I also further punish myself for being so ugly by poking fun at myself, giving myself purple nurples and wedges.:tongue:

Seriously, unless I tell people I have any issues they have no clue. I'm a stoic Son of a bitch ( I have that on good authority, My mother reminded me often I was a son of a bitch until the day I asked her what does that make her? ).

I also adopt a happy face, a joking, punny take on life. Most people think I'm that cool, funny guy who has no problems - little do they know that I'm at the top of my comedic game when I am at my lowest emotionally speaking.

Why? Because at least half of self esteem issues are rooted in what we think others see when they look at us. If you act and behave like you have 'issues' you are more likely to assume everyone knows you are useless, ugly, whatever your self-esteem issue revolves around.

If you can wear a good mask, you are less likely to believe everyone around you thinks you have issues.

The other half is figuring out why "I feel ___________" I know for me part of the problem is because Mother Dearest, reminded me near daily that I was useless, a bastard, a son of a bitch and I would grow up to amount to nothing..... A mother's love knows no bounds you see.

And that is how I apply humor to bury the sorrow I feel about stuff. Actually I do feel better about 'it' because I turned it around, made fun of it - laughed (well smiled a wee bit) at the negative. I know I'm not 'cured' from my own self loathing, but I am not as far down the ladder as I would be if I went on a crying spree over such things.

All of this negative crap mother dumped on me is what is called 'programing'. As we learn in Brave New World "Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth"

Everyone is a victim of programing - you may not have been beaten, misused, thrown in a closet for a week, or had a parent belittling you day after day telling you you were nothing - but more likely than not mom or dad had higher expectations, forgot to praise you at times, or did minor things which ended up having an accumulative, larger impact on your psyche.

Repetition teaches us a lot of things - we come to believe we are useless, hopeless, unworthy of love, etc. if we are told it enough times. This can also go the other way, if we are told enough times (or tell yourself enough times) we are worthful, useful, hopeful, and worthy of love we begin to believe it - in part at the very least.

This is what all of those affirmations are about, attempting to help us to actually believe we are better than instead of less than. I use humor as affirmation - I make light of the serious and that makes it less of a burden.


LGBT are definitely more prone to having a negative view of their self worth. Indirectly we are told millions of times that gay = bad. This programing is even partially hidden - think of all the times you have heard gay used as a negative, as in 'that car is so gay....' Meaning that car is uncool, ugly, barely functioning and no one in their right mind would be behind the wheel of such.

THAT use of the word "gay" is undermining you and the rest of us who are gay. While people are not directly pointing a finger at you and saying 'You are a bad person.' They are indirectly hinting that your being gay makes you less than ________. It has an impact.

Frankly, its so perversity and used so often it does far more damage than having some Phelps Follower screaming in your ear over and over again 'God Hates you you F***T~!' The use of this subtext sends a hidden message, one you are not even picking up on consciously, but one that is hammered daily, hourly into your skull. And the worst part of it is, you may be using 'gay' as a negative willy-nilly, thus telling yourself over and over again that gay = bad.

You also live in a world where we have idiots who love to stand outside of buildings with signs that read all sorts of terrible things:




all of this 'awareness' of Gay issues, of LGBT rights being fought, of the struggle for Gay Marriage may have actually done a lot more damage on the psyche in the short term for the LGBT community than the 'relief' we get as a collective when we win a minor single point.


We in the LGBT community are indeed plagued by self destructive behaviors, by self loathing, by anxiety, by all manner of terrible things. Not because we are LGBT, but because of how we are treated for being LGBT.

So there is at least one good reason why you feel the way you feel about yourself, and that is all of the programming society has placed on you for something you have no control over - your sexuality.

I am not you, I don't live your life. I have no idea how many bullies, thugs, bashers, haters you have encountered. I don't know if Daddy always found fault in everything you did, or if he praised you and raised you up, even when whatever you did was crap. There are parents in the world that praise their kid no matter how terrible their kid performs, and others who bash their kid no matter how well that kid excells.

And it doesn't have to be mean spirited. A parent who focuses on the single B of a report card of all A's and doesn't praise the kid for the A's is setting the kid up for self esteem issues (and a work-aholic ethic that will put the kid in an early grave).

Understanding that you have been programed to one degree or another makes it easier to deal with your issues. Just knowing that without actually working on it.

Since you have a therapist you can work on 'those things' that annoy you. Its not easy, because you are going to have to dig deep and face particular demons - demons you may have buried.

Demons you may not be aware of....

The hardest thing you have before you is to make lists of your good qualities. You are going to need to do that - often, and you are going to have to make 'pacts' with yourself to actually praise yourself.

Currently you are most likely looking for people outside of you to raise you up, to make you better than. I'm sorry, few people will do that. Instead you are going to have to tell yourself these positives and lift yourself up.

It takes time, and a bit of work. I won't tell you you will ever be 100% confident and all of that - because that would be a lie (no one is 100% confident, many act like it - but its an act).

However you will gain more confidence the more you work on this. Believe in yourself.

[brybryan4]

Alot of people can relate to that problem, including me. I found a great way to keep up my self esteem. First, I look into the mirror, and point out only the features I like about myself. Then I tell myself no matter what others think, no matter what they say, I am who I am, and I love me. In a nutshell, what I do is combat the problem with a little perspective. Hang in there, and be true to you!

Thank you for that wonderful advice! That's a very good strategy that I think I'll try in the future :-)

[dfiant1]

It can be tough at a time when you are in a period of transition of sorts and trying to find your place in the world to take things to heart, and if something negative is said or done, you tend to take that to heart even more, so I think everyone goes through that to an extent.

What helps? Positive thoughts like Missourigaymer suggests, but also surrounding yourself with positive people and going out and just having fun also help.

[Sylph]

Gurl, Christina's song, as cliché as it may be, really is true.





In life, you will face all manners of Hardships, but it's up to you if you want to let those hardships get in your way.

I personally smack them all out of my Gay ass way with my Loc's, cause I just don't have the time.

Everyone is different and progresses differently, but I believe every person should be proud of who they are, what they've achieved and the life they have and will have, in their own time.

There's no need to rush into having a super high self-esteem, but you can take the steps you need. Counseling, whatever it may be.

There is no shame in having flaws and being down and out, but just know that you must not stay down and get in and realize you are just as important and worthy in this world, as much as the next person.

No one is perfect, no one will ever be perfect, so why let other people's opinions of you dictate your life and happiness?

You need to realize that Mirror is lucky and blessed to have you look in it!


By the By Sis, I'm loving that avatar! It's just everything wrapped in fabulous!

[Waylon777]

I look at myself in the mirror, I think, damn I can look like a yakuza or zombie sometimes. I used to have self esteem issues, but now, it doesn't really bother me. I know that my friends like me because I have a weird personality. Either way, start by trying to find the good quality in ya! I have to like yourself, since if you are yourself! It seriously doesn't matter what others think of you(Unless if you are in trouble). So don't be scared! People will judge others, but you have to keep yourself strong and walk the long hallway!

[brybryan4]

I look at myself in the mirror, I think, damn I can look like a yakuza or zombie sometimes. I used to have self esteem issues, but now, it doesn't really bother me. I know that my friends like me because I have a weird personality. Either way, start by trying to find the good quality in ya! I have to like yourself, since if you are yourself! It seriously doesn't matter what others think of you(Unless if you are in trouble). So don't be scared! People will judge others, but you have to keep yourself strong and walk the long hallway!

Aww , thank you. I'll try

[Waylon777]

This song may help also! I stumble upon U2!