So very very confused and afraid about being gay

[Anonymous]

Hello, guys!

I'm writing here to ask for some advice and recommendation about how to cope with being gay. I feel like I cannot do it on my own. When I was younger, I hoped that maybe it'll pass and I'll start to like girls. Now I'm 18 years old and I believe I'm old enough to know what I like and I guess it's useless to hope that my homosexuality could be just a phase.

It's my biggest secret, no one knows I'm gay. I think my parents would kick me out of the house if they found out. I cannot imagine people who would be more homophobic than they are. Once there was something about gay pride on TV and my mother was like "I don't understand why those sick bastards are showing themselves so much, it's not necessary to show all the world their mental problems" and things like that. My father is just like her, always so proud that his family is normal and doesn't have those insane people. I also have an older sister. She's very nice and quite liberal and I think she would accept me, but I'm too scared to try. Even though we have very good relationships, I can't tell it even her.

I understand I cannot hide forever and someday everyone will find out my real interests and I'm really scared of that. I've done a lot of reading about homosexuality what didn't really help me. Almost all my friends have girlfriends and when I see them going out together and kissing and stuff, I always have a feeling that all boys like girls and what I feel is something wrong and it shouldn't be that way. I've never been in love with someone and I don't think I could ever have a boyfriend. I don't think I could be close with him, because I'm terribly shy and my parents taught me that sex is something dirty, something that one should be ashamed of. I know it's not, but I also know this belief they gave me will follow me everywhere.

Sometimes I think that maybe I just should bury my homosexuality somewhere deep inside me and just not think about it. Not think about love and things like that. Every day I'm afraid that my parents will somehow find out about it, pull it out of my head and my friends will find out and I'll be ashamed because of who I am.

I'm sorry if it sounds stupid or distracted, but I'm just writing all the thoughts in my head. I would appreciate to just hear your opinions about my situation.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Get a job, move out, get self-sustained then tell the folks.

Yeah they might disown you - I was 'disowned' and while it did hurt for a while I got over it, moved on with my life.

Trying to hide from what you are will not work. For the short term you can pull it off, in the long term it becomes untenable and you end up full of deeper hurt.

The shame is theirs, not yours.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I see that your actually an old timer here, having joined over a year ago. Hopefully during that time you have been able to at least read the forum posts, and understand that everything you've mentioned above, we have all been through at some point in our various journeys.. Despite what may be going around in your head at the moment, your really no different to the rest of the guys on here, and that includes the struggle your having in accepting yourself for who you are.

Im sure others will be along shortly to offer advice, and who will be closer to your age group. Just remember your not alone, and the forum is here to help. Im not sure why you felt you had to hide your identity, we're all friends here.

Dont rush to make any decisions around coming out. There is no pressure, except from yourself, to come out.

ObW
X

[Anonymous]

Yes, I joined some time ago, but I haven't been a very active visitor. Sometimes I read some posts, but not lot of them.

[Memby]

Would you rather live your life unhappy and closeted? Or take the plunge, a risk, and come out? I, like many others on GS, can sympathize with your situation. You're still young and, I imagine, nervous about divulging who you really are.

I was closeted for a while (more unsure, I suppose) but when I revealed who I was to those closest to me they were, thankfully, accepting (and I thought I would be disowned - my parents, like yours, made quasi-homophobic comments when anything "gay" was on TV - I squirmed). But when I finally came out to them, I was pleasantly surprised how they took it.

Take the risk. I guarantee you'll be much happier and it'll be a huge weight off your shoulders. But the only way your going to find out one way or the other is to take that risk!

The shame is theirs, not yours.

[matty7]

inside i know you accept that the guys above are right - take your time and do what s right for you m8

[nfisher1226]

If you think your sister would be accepting that's a good place to start. you don't have to do it all at once, rather you can take some time to talk around the issue and get a feel for how she really feels about it. But having someone you can openly talk to about this is a huge relief.

At one point in my life I didn't think I could ever have a boyfriend either. I imagined gay sex all the time, but when I imagined kissing a guy, or being in a relationship with a guy, I just couldn't picture doing those things. I think it was a mental block in my case. I just didn't want to accept that I was not straight. That's all over now. Being with a man feels like the most natural thing in the world now. But kissing a woman seems alien, and the idea of living with a woman or trying to please a woman is just unappealing.

That's not to say you'll do the same flip that I did, but you might. Obviously from your post you're not strictly speaking "straight", but it might take some time to figure the rest of it out. That's OK. Just try to get over your upbringing and the negative connotations that have been given to homosexuality and also to sex. Your parents didn't do you any favors by raising you with that sort of baggage, but that doesn't mean that you have to carry it around with you forever. It might take some time to cast it off, but it's not impossible either.

It helps also to start working towards your own independence. You may be pleasantly surprised by your parents reaction to your coming out, but there's no guarantees. It would be easier I'm sure to know you have somewhere to go if they take it badly. Right now they have all the power. Later on that could change.

[BorneoJake]

It's an honor and I give you a great big hug for sharing such powerful feelings with everyone on this forum. Your feelings are mutual with a lot of people on here. I was so afraid to come out and its the hardest and scariest thing I have ever done for myself. You know what though, the hardest things in life are the best things in life. Tell your sister if you trust her and she has a liberal outlook on life. Just sneak it into conversation like how she feels about gay marriage or LGBT community. Before you just go and tell your parents, make sure you create a group of people you know and trust and who will love and support you no matter what! Don't every bury who you really are. Coming out and accepting yourself is a big journey to take but you should never take it alone. You have the support of all us on here and GS and theres other down the road your going to meet who will love you no matter what gender you're attracted to. Who knows, maybe down the road, you'll meet a nice young man whose gonna love you to death.