Estranged father, I reached out.

[Axanderb]

a year ago my biological father contacted me near my 21st birthday, I was super hesitant to let him in and i kind of ignored his attempts at reaching out to me because i felt like he waited far too long (17 years to be exact). I was very busy with my job at the time, working on a relationship, and just generally stressed out w/ my life. I was so not ready to open myself up to more possible stress.

However recently i've decided that i want to know more about where i came from, the culture i've never experienced (i'm partially middleeastern). So i decided to contact him myself along with his sisters last night. I'm really scared about the reactions i will get.

Being gay in the arab world isn't necessarily accepted outright so i'm very nervous.

What would be the best way to go about this going forward?

[southbiochem]

work about meeting him first, getting to know what kind of guy he is, and sooner than later you'll know if he's homophobic or no..

in the end, he has no influence or say in your life right? Meaning he can't threaten you..

that's the most important part, finding out if it'll be safe for you, other than that, if he's not ok with it and alienates himself from you, you would not be loosing anything really...

I do hope it turns the more positive way and you actually get to meet him

[Jovial]

Agree with southbiochem, meet and find out more about him first. It is a tricky situation.

Best of luck.

[Axanderb]

well i've already told him that i'm gay...and he says he doesn't care...he's not the one i'm worried about. (there are other things about him that worry me) i'm more worried about his family.

[Jovial]

Well the first part is great news

In that case just be open to him about your concerns.

[southbiochem]

well i've already told him that i'm gay...and he says he doesn't care...he's not the one i'm worried about. (there are other things about him that worry me) i'm more worried about his family.

In that case, he should be the one to protect you from any ill behavior towards you..

now, if you're going to meet his entire side of the family, maybe there's no need for them to know..

talk to him about your concerns, if he is how he seems, caring for you he should understand

Bets of luck and may this relationship with him get to strengthen and endure mile:

[Axanderb]

yeah i'm hoping everything turns out ok. I'm still waiting for them to reply to my message so the dialogue can begin.

[Woollyhats]

You're fortunate that he doesn't care about your sexuality.

Also, you want a relationship with him, not his family, yes?

So who really cares... if his family sees that he doesn't care, they might mutter sourly among themselves or crack some behind the scenes jokes about the guy whose popping out gaybies, but beyond that I seriously doubt it will be a significant problems. On my father's side, I have a gay cousin (and a bisexual cousin, but I guess we're not supposed to know about that family secret, hush hush), and that side is extraordinarily homophobic, but there's nothing any of them can do about it because his parents support him. Well, besides talk behind his back.

But he doesn't care, because his close relationships are with his brother, father, and mother. Which kind of sucks, I wanted to be closer to him when I was still a part of that family... but I digress.

My point is, is why should you care about the extended family? It's your father you want a relationship with

[princealbertofb]

Good luck, Axander. You've done the difficult part. Actually his sisters might be your great allies. They don't necessarily buy into all this macho bullshit.

[Axanderb]

i guess i care about the extended family because there is a lot of culture involved that i'd really like to experience. If i'm shunned or turned away i won't get to experience it. There's so much i've missed out on that i'm really interested in finding more about.