Father taking it bad...

[ChadCoxRox]

Well here's an update...!
He now thinks I am utterly confused and will meet a girl and it'll all be fixed...
I just smiled and walked away.
But it's better then being told I am burning in hell right?

Other then that.. I am hoping when i turn 21..Start going to some gay bars and stuff, possibly meet someone i'll love long term(crossing my fingers I might meet someone before that... But I am hopelessly shy at times with meeting new people!)
Maybe when he sees me with another man, he'll be bit more accepting.

Focus on your own "coming to terms" and let Dad's acceptance be what it will be. If you uphold your own personal integrity and value upstanding character regardless of what your sexual orientation happens to be, then that integrity and value will be just that...more important. Dad will learn more from what he sees you do than from what he hears you say. So I say focus on you being upstanding in all areas with less emphasis on sex. Who you meet and spend your own private time with may or may not need to be a part of the picture. Don't let fear and worry about that be an excuse to lose focus of more important stuff at your age.

...just my 2 cents...

[East]

If I could go back in time and do it all over...I would have loved to know what I know now and be able to use if when I was your age...I could have avoided alot of stuff...

...meaning...you have a great opportunity to come to terms with your father and your relationship now and put it behind you and you will avoid "marrying him" in the future (that really sucks cuz you never know it is Daddy until MUCH later in the relationship)

My therapist many years ago told me when I first met her to pretend my parents were in front of me and visualize them both coming up and hugging me and telling me how much they loved me and approved of me and accepted me....how would that make me feel?

Well...I was annoyed by the question but I played along and visualized it...and I felt like I wanted to barf. Neither the hugs nor the "I love yous" were welcome and as far as the acceptance or approval...they can keep it because it was not mutual as I did not approve of them...I was repulsed....and then she told me...Why do you spend so much time trying to get something from them that you dont' even want? Damn..she was good...

So I had to backtrack and heal myself which means putting your feelings on the table and dealing with them...a very hard thing to do if you bury them.....yours are fresh and happeniing now so you have a wonderful opportunity.

So...do not wait to see where he lands with this issue...instead get in touch with how you feel and you might find you don't even care where he lands. My Dad was a bully too (without the anti gay stuff...he hated religion) and working on gaining his approval took up way too much of my time....dont' let your parents define you and sometimes separating from them emotionally is the nicest thing you can do for yourself....

[Buring]

If I could go back in time and do it all over...I would have loved to know what I know now and be able to use if when I was your age...I could have avoided alot of stuff...

...meaning...you have a great opportunity to come to terms with your father and your relationship now and put it behind you and you will avoid "marrying him" in the future (that really sucks cuz you never know it is Daddy until MUCH later in the relationship)

My therapist many years ago told me when I first met her to pretend my parents were in front of me and visualize them both coming up and hugging me and telling me how much they loved me and approved of me and accepted me....how would that make me feel?

Well...I was annoyed by the question but I played along and visualized it...and I felt like I wanted to barf. Neither the hugs nor the "I love yous" were welcome and as far as the acceptance or approval...they can keep it because it was not mutual as I did not approve of them...I was repulsed....and then she told me...Why do you spend so much time trying to get something from them that you dont' even want? Damn..she was good...

So I had to backtrack and heal myself which means putting your feelings on the table and dealing with them...a very hard thing to do if you bury them.....yours are fresh and happeniing now so you have a wonderful opportunity.

So...do not wait to see where he lands with this issue...instead get in touch with how you feel and you might find you don't even care where he lands. My Dad was a bully too (without the anti gay stuff...he hated religion) and working on gaining his approval took up way too much of my time....dont' let your parents define you and sometimes separating from them emotionally is the nicest thing you can do for yourself....

To be quite honest, I never thought his opinions would hurt....
But I guess I thought wrong.
All I can say is, I was use to harsh comments and mean words from the time I was 9.
I've heard almost all the time how much of a disappointment I was or, how big of a failure I was.
I've heard how stupid I am, i've heard how meaningless my life is.
By the time I was 15, I thought I had completely separated my emotional feelings towards alot of things.

But I think when I started to come out to my friends and family, I opened it back up.
I've hid my emotions for so long I thought I would be able to continue to be a rock.
I am still able to hide it from my dad, i'll never allow him to see me weak even for a split second.

I rather not hear how pathetic I am for being so weak.

I hope he will someday accept it, and we can go back to our regular relationship which was... Terrible anyways.

Someone told me that it might be possible that my subconsciousness was so afraid he would just completely think of me as a disappointment, I didn't think it could be possible of how he thought of me already, but I guess deep down I always was looking for acceptance from my dad.
Why I don't know, when I think about him he just irritates me with how he treats other people not just me.

The mind plays tricks on people...The people I thought I wouldn't care to tell, or their reaction I was happy and relieved by their reactions.
Then the people I thought I would care for their reactions, I did not.

But like many have said here... I think i'll continue to be myself regardless of how he wants to think of me, i've been what people wanted me to be for almost my whole life, I am going to start living to my desires, my wants and my needs

[princealbertofb]

...
It sounds like from your updates that he's already getting feedback from the outside world which means he's talking about it which is a huge step in the right direction for him whether he knows it or not. Just the fact that he's talking to his co-workers, even if to seek out support, means he's brave enough to bring it up. It's great that he's hearing from them what he's hearing.
...

There's also another side to this. Maybe in hearing what people have to say, he'll be able to realise that he's also getting their support in having a gay son, something that he may think of as negative, but that everyone is now saying is ALL RIGHT! Maybe he needs to understand that his son being gay is just one of the things off life's palette... Nothing more, nothing less, but nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe he needs to hear that his son is OK and that way he can stop self blaming, which I'm sure he is / was. Somewhere along the line, he's hearing that he's not misguided his son, so maybe he'll start changing his attitude.
I also approve of the fact that he's venting about it, it will let off steam, and maybe bring some positive feedback.

[princealbertofb]

...

Unless you understand the Eunuchs http://www.gaychristian101.com/Homosexual-Eunuchs.html In which Case Jesus himself didn't have problems with people born that way.

...

Erm... eunuchs? Can one be born that way? I guess it is possible to be born without a reproductive system or not the whole reproductive system. I know hermaphrodites exist in real life and are often operated at birth to assign one gender or the other, but eunuchs, I believe, were castrated... not born that way. I may be wrong. mile:

[avidcyclistMTB]

There's also another side to this. Maybe in hearing what people have to say, he'll be able to realise that he's also getting their support in having a gay son, something that he may think of as negative, but that everyone is now saying is ALL RIGHT! Maybe he needs to understand that his son being gay is just one of the things off life's palette... Nothing more, nothing less, but nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe he needs to hear that his son is OK and that way he can stop self blaming, which I'm sure he is / was. Somewhere along the line, he's hearing that he's not misguided his son, so maybe he'll start changing his attitude.
I also approve of the fact that he's venting about it, it will let off steam, and maybe bring some positive feedback.

Thanks for the continuance Prince. You finished out my thought quite nicely.

[princealbertofb]

You're , dear AvidCyclist... mile:

[Buring]

So here is a funny update!
Because my dad is so stubborn, and is wanting to distance himself from me.. His motorcycle broke down and he decided to push it about.... Possibly 6 miles then called my mom telling her why he was late.. While he was huffing and puffing his brains out....

I took a drive with my truck to look for him...Found him helped him push a stupid 500 pound bike into the back of the truck, and drove his sorry ass home.
Man, the things I do for people... -.o

I hope by doing this, he realizes no matter what.
I will always be there to help him, even if he were to completely hate me.
I could never hold a grudge to him because of this.
Love is stupid, love is blind....Those words are so true!

I love him regardless of what he thinks of me.

[magicguide01]

So here is a funny update!
Because my dad is so stubborn, and is wanting to distance himself from me.. His motorcycle broke down and he decided to push it about.... Possibly 6 miles then called my mom telling her why he was late.. While he was huffing and puffing his brains out....

I took a drive with my truck to look for him...Found him helped him push a stupid 500 pound bike into the back of the truck, and drove his sorry ass home.
Man, the things I do for people... -.o

I hope by doing this, he realizes no matter what.
I will always be there to help him, even if he were to completely hate me.
I could never hold a grudge to him because of this.
Love is stupid, love is blind....Those words are so true!

I love him regardless of what he thinks of me.

Good for you, it is big of you to take the moral high ground. I hope everything works out for you. Keep us posted, we support you!