I'm bisexual and looking to date girls again

[Drew]

Folks that know me know that I originally came out as bisexual in 2006. It's often said that many young non-heterosexuals often do this as well. It's often considered the "stepping-stone" to fulling coming out of the closet as a gay/lesbian individual.

And for a while, I thought that was supposed to happen to me. And I tried wearing the "pure gay" label for years, but every now and again I'd run into a beautiful young woman who'd get my heart racing and make me act like a befuddled adolescent all over again.

"What's going on, you're gay. dammit, you're not supposed to think about girls that way!" I'd tell myself.

I've always felt out of place in both the straight and gay world, but whenever I apply to myself (or even hear the word) "bisexual", it just fits like a glove.

But I've been apprehensive about being more open about it due to misconceptions and the various shades of gray there are to being bi. But I also don't want to limit myself, either.

If you're bi, how do you go about telling someone you're interested in that that is how you identify? How does a guy tell a girl he's interested in that, yeah, he's been primarily gay-identified for the past 7 years but he's open to being in hetero relationship? Where does one meet bi-friendly women? Should I date women who also identifies as bi?

For me, both men and women are beautiful. I'm still not 100% sure which relationship dynamic works best for me, but something tells me gender will be irrelevant at the end of the day. I want to explore this more, but not sure how to get things off the ground.

Thanks for any advice or opinions ahead of time!

[VileKyle]

I don't know about all your questions, but I can say that dating a bi girl has been working great for me. I hate people who keep asking about my sexuality as if I were some weird anomaly to the human race, so dating someone who already understands takes away that issue. I'm not saying to not date anyone else, but that has been good for me.

I guess just date whoever you end up liking though. That's a shitty answer, but that's all I've got.

[ExpatBrit77]

I guess just date whoever you end up liking though. That's a shitty answer, but that's all I've got.

I second that. Have never been a big fan of labels, to be honest. Go with the flow, you're still young

[partis]

A bi person is still gay... i dont know if that helps you but i just thought of it.

Hey.... bi, gay, straight, diagonal, just do you... and i,ll do me, which is gay. So very gay. Like i need the essence of man.

[Drew]

No, someone's who is bi is not gay. Gay, by definition, means being exclusively attracted to people of the same sex, and for me it's not exclusive. But I get what you're saying (bisexuals are non-heterosexual, queer, part of the LGBT rainbow, etc).

And thanks for the advice, VileKyle, I kind of suspect bi girls would be more sympathetic towards my feelings. But I guess it all depends on the person.

[southbiochem]

Forgive me Drew, but I fail to see the problem with you wanting to date girls..

I can see that you've had issues with labels...misconceptions with them, as you put them

let me tell you this:

FUCK LABELS!!!

If you find any guy or girl that makes your heart race, than please...go after he or she...

if you fell comfortable defining yourself as bi than be bi...that's it...you're still you mile:

[Drew]

Yup, labels are for clothes, not people. It's just there's a lot of bi-phobia out there, on both sides unfortunately. I won't get caught up labels as long as he/she doesn't.

[Pix]

I don't have any advice offhand. But I can share how annoying I find it when people can't act like bisexuality is a real orientation when if anything I'd think bisexuality should be considered the "default" when you take out all the social programming. Lots of animals inclined to "gay behavior" are actually bisexual themselves.

I remember I was exercising at a gym when it came out on CNN that "Buffy was gay." This was reference to the comics of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and apparently after intense actions she had a one night stand with another woman. I was thinking that's absurd, a one night stand after intense events doesn't even make her bi (a great many people have at least a single one night stand with someone opposite of their preferred gender), let alone gay, and I then remembered how I disliked the way they treated Willow in the TV series, she could only be gay or straight, she had to choose which gender to be attracted to (and apparently once she went gay she could never be straight again), and I found that ridiculous & annoying and I'm not even bi. Of course on top of this was my wondering why a comic was even being discussed on CNN (slow news day?)...

[partis]

I just want to ask when you wore the "pure gay" label all those years, were you in a relationship with a guy, did you love a guy.

Yet now you are bi and ask for advice to meet woman, so its looking like its a woman for you then.

[Drew]

Partis: no and no. I've only had two sorta-kinda boyfriends in 7 plus years, tons of one-time dates, and a handful of sexual flings. I meet several gay men every year, but I'm rarely smitten or instantly attracted. Yet the one girl I met at an annual Pride Center Labor Day picnic this year has been on my mind since meeting her (turns out she has a boyfriend, dang).

Very open to dating people of either sex, but yeah, maybe I'm slightly more smitten with girls right now.