3 year relationship - can i get a blow job please?

[bubblez73]

My boyfriend woke me up one morning, after a week without sex with a short "teaser" blow job.
I enjoyed the blow job, which lasted maybe 30 seconds..., and asked him if he would finish. But he didn't want to. It's been a long while (6++ mo) since he's stroked me off, or sucked me off, and I mentioned this and asked if he would please get me off in some way.

He got quiet, stopped talking, and walked away. I was upset, of course but we talked about it that night, telling him about my sexual needs and he agreed to change his behavior.

But there was no blow job that night. Or the next morning. Or the next evening. I even reminded him that I would enjoy one.

I have been in a 3 year relationship with a man that I love, and I believe he loves me. We have a life planned together. But... one thing I have noticed in our relationship, is that he can be stubborn and sometimes controlling.

Now due to this incident we are living in separate rooms for the past 2 weeks. At NO point, has he said, ... "hmm let me give you that pleasure you wanted." But he wants me to go to couples counseling, and misses our cuddles.

WTF, am I just with a selfish stubborn guy and should call it quits? Am I going about this all wrong? Advice please!

[Edward]

You should not press him for it. Have you ever asked him what he wants? Maybe he has some problems in his life that makes him not want sex. There's also possibility that he doesn't love/desire you anymore.

[bubblez73]

Yes, he wants sex often enough, and tells me what he wants. Mostly he wants me to give him oral and be a bottom. I'm versatile.

[Joshular]

I fell you fells sir.
I know sex isn't every thing but in my own mind sex is a great indicator for how things in a relationship are going. I personally couldn't handle sleeping in different rooms to my partner (if I had one lol)
It's be felling like it's wrapping up and coming to an end if I couldn't get the sexual need from my partner. Tho Talk it out with him some more you need to know where you stand.

[Undreamt]

Yeah if you are in separate rooms and no sex, it sounds more like a sibling relationship rather than that of lovers, and if your not happy about it I wouldn't put of doing something about it and trying to change the situation.

If you talk about it and he's not willing to change then maybe you need to get satisfaction elsewhere.

Just don't cheat

[MisterTinkles]

Here is what I "heard" while reading your post....

"ME, ME, ME"!!!!!

Regardless, has he ever told you what the problem is? If he wants to go to counseling, then there is apparently something BIG bothering him. Do you know what it is?

[southbiochem]

Well, you are, seemingly, being a bit selfish...

what concerns me, and should concern you, is why he walks away without a word...instead of saying " I don't want to" that's not normal..

you need to sit down and have a talk and ask him how he's doing, is there something going on with him, why is he suggesting counseling..

have a talk, lend an ear and be patient, don't force him into things...sex is something you should both enjoy, not only 1 out of the 2

[nfisher1226]

Am I the only one who thinks the guy should be giving you blowjobs?

Frankly, unless you never wash your junk he has no excuse to not reciprocate, considering you do for him what he wants.

Also, not talking about it is a sure way to cause a breakup in the long run. If he want's to talk in couples therapy maybe that would work, but it's not good that he can't just talk to you about whatever comes up in the relationship. Everybody deserves better than that.

[NorthLondonLad]

Sounds like you need to talk more - maybe call Dan Savage at his podcast for advice!

[BobInTampa]

Let me get this right: 3 YEARS and just NOW this is an issue?

This is one of the frustrating things with posts like this - alot of details are left out! So, i'll fire off a few questions before I offer advice (and i'm 50 years old and have a LOT of relationship/sex experience):

1) When you first started dating, did you know he was a total bottom and that you were versitle?
2) Has he EVER given you a bj or hj in the past and if so, how frequently?
3) You say he can be "stubborn" and "controlling"? Can you expand on that - and not just about sex?
4) Before this series of events, how often did you 2 have sexual contact (hj, bj, anal)?
5) Have you ever bottomed for him?
6) Have you or he experienced a major life issue: Loss of job, illness, family drama, etc?

While waiting for your responses, I think sleeping in separate rooms is using sex as a weapon and THAT NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER works! EVER! It's a sign of immaturity! He wants to go to therapy, GO! What do you have to lose? Control? Insight? Power? What do you have to gain? Insight, understanding, new communication skills, a new level of intimacy?

I'm betting that you've put a condition on going to therapy: If you get me off more often i'll go to counseling. If you are saying that OR THINKING THAT you need to check yourself!

Bottom line: Making decisions based on ANGER is never, ever a good thing.

ALso, this is the holiday season. Are you putting christmas on hold because you didn't get a handjob or blowjob in 6 months? Yes, it does seem like a long time, but you've NOT been without sex - you said yourself that he likes sex frequently - just that HE gets a bj and to bottom - you have to suffer and sacrafice so much to suck him off and, the last time i checked, when you top you're still being intimate..you're just not getting penetration!

Bury the hatchet. Buy him some flowers and put this separate bedroom thing behind you. If you really do love him, then be the bigger man and apologize for what you have done (even if he dosn't apologize back), and move on.

Agree to go to couples counseling and focus on the LOVE you have right now - not a blowjob!

PS: Clearly there's something going on with him that he's avoiding issue of pleasuring you, if for no other reason, couples therapy will help uncover what's going on in his mind.