A 3rd Chance?

[rj000]

Ive been in my first relationship with my boyfriend for a year now.

The problems began when about 4 months in I found my boyfriend had been talking dirty to another guy on facebook, swapping dirty pictures with him and hiding our relationship status from him. I was completely heartbroken but after a lot of talking decided to forgive him and give him a second chance. He gave me full access to his facebook so i would trust him again and i thought everything was fine.

Now 6 months along the line, a few days ago on xmas eve I accidentally saw his twitter account logged in on my ipad, and sat and watched him talk inappropriately to another guy for 2 hours, ending with my boyfriend asking for a picture of his penis. I immediately told him it was over and no one would make a fool out of me twice, and he clearly hadn't learned his lesson.

Now he has told me he has deleted all his social media stuff and wont get them back, so he wont be tempted anymore as he made a stupid mistake because he was horny. He's incredibly sorry because he knows he has ruined such a good thing. I have told him its over and i need time to think about things, but this would mean giving him a third chance. Part of me thinks somewhere down the line he would be caught doing something else.

I do love him and we get along so well, which makes me question if it worth throwing everything away we had because of his mistakes. I know only i can decide what to do but I really want advice on whether it could ever work again? Can he be trusted?

thanks

[Edward]

No, he can't be trusted. You might and you should give person a second chance, but not third. Don't be such a fool.

[Eth21]

In short no if he's done that twice even after you forgave him the first time he will do it again!!

[dfiant1]

He was lucky you gave him a second chance, but there is no such thing as a thrid chance because that is a pattern.

If you don't end it now you will be considering a 4th chance...a 5th chance...etc

no more chances.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

As Bush one so eloquently said: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice - well you can't fool me - which is to say 'Shame on me.'

You gave him a chance and he blew it. Giving him one more without the social media you know about doesn't cover all the social media you don't know about (Oh trust me he has a lot of email accounts and other accounts that you just don't know about - yet - in a few years I assure you he will slip up and leave an account open and then you will see it all)....

I'm sorry. This whole 'I will give up social media isn't going to wash here.

I don't know how salvageable this relationship is, how invested you are in him. If he is a half decent guy and this is his only 'little problem' you might want to take this to couples counseling. See what kind of new terms of agreement you can work out.

One thing that will happen is that a couple's therapist will strongly suggest individual therapy which maybe he needs a bit of that to figure out why it is he is always sticking his head through the fence to gnaw on the grass on the other side, it ain't greener than the grass on this side.

Personally, I would end it. This early on, I wouldn't not be that invested, besides I did a long term relationship with many episodes of cheating taking place, I gave that second chance and was rewarded with it going under ground and being pretty well hidden for about 12 years. Shame on me indeed.

[southbiochem]

what was the saying: "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

He's clearly not going to chage his behavior...he does not deserve any more chances that you have already given him..

[MisterTinkles]

3 strikes......

and

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Its not so much a question of giving him a 3rd chance, it is however a question of trust, and its this that will make or break the relationship going forward.

If you can't trust him, then every time he is late, or something seems out of place, the mistrust is going to be eating away at you. How long do you think you could put up with the emotional distress that will cause you?

At the end of the day relationships are always about making compromises, but only you can decide if a 3rd chance is a compromise too far.

Good Luck

ObW
X

[Woollyhats]

No, don't give him a third chance, especially since he seems to think the solution is simply removing temptation, which will always exist.

It's sad, and he probably really does care about you, but the problem with cheating in a 'closed' relationship is that it's lying to you, and that indicates a lot about his respect for you.

You need to respect yourself more.

[partis]

He hasnt cheated on you. A lot of these sort of posts come up. Im sure he loves you too, this just a stupid habit he has.

Plus this would be his second chance not third.