Can you have a successful relationship with a quiet person?

[Double007]

I tend to be on the quieter side. Some of it is confidence, some of it is just who I am, some of it is shyness, but I do have to admit that I really appreciate more talkative people. Especially those that that genuinely are interested in talking to you and don't just cast you away because you don't say much. I usually come around and become more social.

Anyway, someone already mentioned this but I want to say it again. Maybe talking on the phone isn't his thing. I've noticed that I am more social during the day. When it gets late, I really struggle. I have a really hard time at night clubs and in big groups. I'm saying this because maybe you could try out different situations or times of day or topics.

Coming from someone who's been rejected or ignored because I didn't say much sucks! Especially if you really wanted to have a conversation but someone was just too impatient .

[Evan88]

How long have you known him? (I think you did not mention that)

I guess there are really guys who are shy and silent at first but would get talkative when they become more comfortable..

And I agree with Bry, some are just not comfortable talking on phone.. And right, maybe talk about things that interest him. I can be really silent as well when i dont know or wont care with what the other person is talking about. I mean its normal.. Even with friends. So i guess find a middle ground, a topic that appeals to both of you, or maybe just talk in person

[sitchblap]

I was like that once. I dint know how to act on a ate or what to say exactly. Once i got comfortable igdid start talking more and it wasntt a problem from there.

[Woollyhats]

I've met someone recently but I'm disappointed. He's great, super super super nice, totally my type, but our conversations are a bit....dry...and I'm not sure what to do.

When it comes to a conversation, I'd like to say I'm 50/50. I'm told I'm a great listener, and while I prefer to listen I'm certainly not a dead weight. I can carry my weight in a conversation with critical thought, questions, opinions etc...I'm rarely one to sit there completely silent.

But when I talk to him over the phone there are these long periods of silence that make me very uncomfortable...I didn't mind it to much until I talked to this other guy over Christmas Eve, and we both talked so fluidly I couldn't help but notice the difference between the two.

Is this something I should be worried about? I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if he's just a bit shy over the phone...he talks...but there is just a strong lack of fluidity compared to other conversations I've had with other guys.

I don't know what to do. This guy is so-so-so nice. But I just can't be that constant conversation starter. It really comes from both people or one guy has to be an insane talker (which I can't really deal with too much either). I'm a good conversationalist but it seems to me that I'm doing the talking, asking the questions. I just don't want to lead him on and end up in a situation where I'm bored as hell because he never talks.

Does anyone have experience with men of small words? He is really the biggest sweetheart but our lack of conversation is extremely disappointing.

Are there relationships with people who have zero in common? Do I just turn to my friends to talk about the things I'm interested in?

No offense, but considering the problems I see here in relationships, this doesn't strike me as a real issue.

Quiet people are NICE, you get to a point where you can have full conversations with body language and minimal talking, and it's like you understand each other completely. The quiet that you experience with them becomes a comfortable and reassuring calm. They don't blatantly talk about nonsense, and they LISTEN TO YOU.

I am very quiet in person. I can be silly, I do talk, I enjoy deep conversations. But small talk? I am poor at. My role is generally listening. My boyfriend on the other hand talks, and talks, and talks, and talks some more, and most of it is incredibly silly.

And I like it. I get to listen without talking much (maybe laughing a lot though), and he gets someone that listens to him.

Someone quiet would have pros too though; I sometimes get tired of talking all of the time, so it's an equally acceptable trait for me. One of my best friends actually has an incredibly rare disorder that gives her anxiety so bad that her throat physically closes, and cannot talk most of the time -- and I get along with her well. It definitely makes her dirty sense of humour unexpected, when you suddenly realize that this shy little girl who never talks has a dirtier sense of humour than you'll ever have... and now that I know her well, her silence is comfortable.

Each relationship dynamic is different; but neither is bad, or wrong, and they can both work very well.

I just don't see it as an issue... there are pros and cons to quietness and loudness, but if you love a person and have things in common with them, how talkitive they are is not the issue. Of course you can have a successful relationship with a quiet person.

Disclaimer: If he doesn't talk for weeks at a time I retract this post.

[72jay]

I'm kinda quiet&shy myself so I'd be perfectly ok with a quiet person...
...we could just sit & cuddle in silence

[Tulloni]

I am pretty quiet myself but my first partner was much much quieter than even me! It was a bit difficult at times and sometimes we had problems communicating. I don't always know what to say anyway but its harder when the other guy doesn't have much to say himself!

But it is possible, we maintained a solid relationship for 3 years - though we did have our ups and downs. Quiet people are some of the best people in the world. Even if they seem a bit broody, pensive and whatnot they're usually some of the brightest. I find that people who are too loud don't seem to stop to think as much. I am not stereotyping here and I am sorry if I cause offense but I don't like it when I come across someone who is really loud, brash and arrogant. I find it a little intimidating and offputting.

So I say stick with this guy. Just maybe try to get him to come out his shell a little. Get him more confident, get him talking etc. Spending more time alone with him may help as he may clam up around others. But I think he'll start to talk more as time progresses. My first partner did.

[southbiochem]

I am one such folk to have near panic attacks over making a phone call even if I know the person..I barely even want to talk in person...

put me a piece of paper or in front of a keyboard and I'll write you till your eyes bleed...

it happens for some folks *sigh*

so, what you do is find out what he is comfortable to talk about, in which situation he will be most comfortable talking about, that should work nicely for him, when in person, if awkward silence arrives, hold his hand, thouch his face, trust me...that'll do the trick.....once he grows accustomed with you he will be more talkative I bet

now, there's only as much a problem as you make it to be...this is fairly easy to deal with if you're up for it..

good luck

[justbry87]

..when in person, if awkward siclence arrives, hold his hand, thouch his face, trust me...that'll do the trick.....

really?

That's pretty cheesy, but I must admit, if a guy that I like pulled
that move on me, I might just melt..

[Wade]

I'd love the challenge of a shy, quiet type. That just seems adorable. Much better than the opposite: the loud, brash type who won't stop talking. The fact that he's quiet probably means he thinks a lot and is introspective. Again, a positive in my book. I figure when it comes to words, it's a situation of quality over quantity.

[southbiochem]

really? That's pretty cheesy

Yes, indeed....any problem? :tongue:

I am both colder than the coldest you will ever meet and a sweetheart when I can let myself be..