Advice on dating a Russian gay guy

[Episcopalian94]

@ Pix

so that gay members tend to stay in the closet as long as they're close to their families which they're much more likely to do than American families and see their family & heritage as much a part of their identity as being gay (perhaps more so). I was lovers with a Russian American lesbian who was like that and she found it easier to tell them she'd become an atheist than she was a lesbian (actually I'm not even sure she ever told them the latter). That said even they still have more tolerance and flexibility than those raised in Russia.

That makes a lot of sense.

He told his family that he's atheist, but not that he's gay. He said he felt it would make it less awkward if he kept his sexuality quiet.

@Bluelight

All I can say is that if he makes small talk by complaining about something, he's probably not really complaining, but just wants to make conversation with you. That is how Eastern Europeans do, at least so I heard.

Thank you! That helps me a bunch. I think I've solved my puzzle, because like I said, he could go on and on for days about politics (complaining how capitalism screws us over), and I agree with him, but it seems as if he would rather talk about that than "get to know me".

I really like this guy, and I don't want the social barrier to get in the way. Decent gay men in Houston are hard to find, and when you find one you really like, you don't wanna screw it up.

[Tulloni]

My last boyfriend was half-Lithuanian and half-Russian. I know the context is different as this was an Anglo-Lithuanian-Russo relationship as opposed to an American-Russo relationship but you get the idea! Yes we had cultural differences to navigate as well but it didn't work out as I just think we were too different. Nothing to do with the cultural differences - just personality differences really. Plus he and his family did have some issues. He was an only child and his dad walked out on him when he was a kid leaving his mother to raise him alone (really manly I know!), and I later found out that he's done stuff I don't really agree with, such as helping his mother to spy on her boyfriend whom she suspected of cheating on him (even though his mum cheated on her ex so what gives her the right? I don't know).

Anyway, his mother did not like the fact that he was gay and has apparently made her displeasure known from time to time. Obviously that would affect his ability to maintain a gay relationship and confidence in his sexuality. He dumped his previous boyfriend as well though they had a turbulent relationship.

But anyway it just didn't work out sadly. part of me loves him still but if I am honest we weren't an ideal match in the first place. However, I did feel there were cultural differences which did seem to present a bit of a problem notably the fact that his mother wasn't accepting of his sexuality. Yes I know British/American/Australian/French etc. parents and families can be homophobic too but the fact is Russia is a more conservative/traditionalist society.

However, I believe that if you're a match in terms of personality then nothing else matters (to quote Metallica!) and that you can overcome these pesky cultural differences. If he was born and raised in America then he must speak English and you can communicate with him so that's the most important thing in a relationship - communication. everything else is window dressing. So long as you can trust and confide in one another you can prevail.

In our case his English was very good but we had problems with communication in terms of him not being able to express his true feelings and reservations and me rushing into things, not thinking it through properly, and not picking up on signs that it wouldn't work out when I should've noticed.

I am happy to date someone of a different nationality again but the fact is our socialisation and culture does affect our behaviour so I would do so with more caution next time. If I have to go through much more heartache I think I would go completely off the rails. Point is norms, values, aspirations, etc can differ from culture to culture. Although some people think that American and Britain are one and the same the fact is there are loads of differences even there and the gulf is even bigger when it comes to Russia, Asia, etc.

But don't forget we are all human at the same time. If he truly wants to be with you though he needs to open up just a little and start talking. If he stays silent then you've got to ask yourself if this is going to work.

[jimcrackcorn]

If you want your Russian boyfriend to open up and talk about about himself,,,, give him VODKA. Lots of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[matty7]

someone pointed out that your over thinking it ,,I agree ,,humans are pre programed ,, we need to meet and couple up, gay or straight ,,,,,just talk to him as u would an American lad , any language misunderstandings or any other blocks can be over come just by talking ,,,,, I work with a Russian ,, hes the only Russian guy in 500 people, and through chat he;s now one of the guys and hes been working 1 year at our plant ,, engage this guy if you like him

[MisterLove]

)

I'd appreciate any advice from someone who has experience with Russians.

Spasibo!

I'm not sure if I ever fucked a Russian but I once had a sex date wit this gorgeous Polish guy, he was so sweet and hot!

Here's what I know about Russians: they love music, they drink a lot and they can make amazing food.

[MisterTinkles]

Well, I have limited experience with Russians.

I worked with two Russian ladies before. One was very quiet, the other was loud and demanding, and she tried to teach me Russian (damn it is a hard language).

I can only say that from what I got from these two ladies, is that they have to fully trust you as a person before they will talk to you (other than minor pleasantries). Until they know they can fully trust you as a person and human being, they dont say much about their personal lives, if anything.