Tough times

[Bluelight]

That makes sense. In the present-tense, I'm still working on a lot. As far as my self-esteem goes, I go through phases where I feel really good about myself and I find myself very much within my comfort zone, but then once in a while I "relapse" if you will. Still working on that... I'm still figuring out what triggers my relapses.

Also, about that guy... I wasn't expecting it to "end well" because I expected nothing at all; it was a one-night stand, nothing more, this drama is completely unnecessary. Yeah, it was a mistake, but I'm the only one paying for it.

I know it sounds silly, but my confidence really took a blow with that... it just made me feel like such crap. It's frustrating, because when I started this year, I was confident that things were going to change for the better, but I got pretty much the opposite when I really tried to be the best version of myself. It's really discouraging for me, but I'll try again, hope for better next time.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

This year being 2014?

If so then you have a lot of year left ahead of you. Still time for lots of changes before 31 December 2014....

Self esteem issues have many roots. And yeah there are triggers. If this is such the problem it appears to be for you perhaps its time to turn to professional counseling and have a professional take you on that walk of discovery to figure out why you have these issues and what causes you to 'relapse'. No doubt the therapist can help you to cobble together a tool set to deal with these sorts of things.

Different people have different needs, and finding our own special tool set isn't always easy or fast.

[Bluelight]

This year being 2014?

If so then you have a lot of year left ahead of you. Still time for lots of changes before 31 December 2014....

Self esteem issues have many roots. And yeah there are triggers. If this is such the problem it appears to be for you perhaps its time to turn to professional counseling and have a professional take you on that walk of discovery to figure out why you have these issues and what causes you to 'relapse'. No doubt the therapist can help you to cobble together a tool set to deal with these sorts of things.

Different people have different needs, and finding our own special tool set isn't always easy or fast.

Yeah, if I get any worse I will try and see a therapist. And all that bad stuff happened in the second half of 2013, I'm hoping all of 2014 will be better (silly to go by numbers I know, but it's a superstition of mine). It feels like there's a lot I can't control, but I know it's a matter of making a habit of acceptance and moving on. I'm trying, but it's harder than I thought, maybe because while I was closeted I didn't have to deal with things like this, I was basically living inside my head if you get what I mean.

[partis]

Hi bluelight

I think its good you know what you want at 20 and your not going to settle for anything less and being an 8 on a good day will help

And really, your not allowed to be attracted to someone your girlfriends like ?! And your just like "yes mam" ?

To be honest it sounds to me some of these so called friends could be holding you back.