02-16-2014, 02:35 AM
I have been on a real depressive trip ever since I came out. My expectation was that finally I would find a community of people who would value me, accept me and see the good in me. How wrong I was. Instead many months after coming out and all I have found are guys that call me ugly, they shun me. Every good quality I do have they render irrelevant by saying that it does not count now that I am gay. They have shown me pictures of porn stars and tell me that I need to look like that in order for any guy to be intrested in having sex with me. The nicer tell me I do have a good personality but that will count for nothing if I do not have porn star looks to back up my inner qualities because it is the looks that get the guys to come through the door.
From what I being told from them and from what I am seeing in the gay media it just seems that it takes a lot of work to be gay. You have to be hotter, be smarter, be richer than the average guy to even be considered average in the gay community.
The demands are just too much for me too keep up but I am becoming increasinly convinced that they are right in what they are telling me. If they are I am screwed and I should just forget about sex unless if I pay for it and I should definitely forget relationships cause no guy is going to want to settle for anything less than a porn hottie with brains. Like this one guy who works in the porn business who has geeky side too, they introduced me to him and told me that he is the standard for guys in the community and that I should aim to be like that if I want to be accepted.
I can not be like that though even if I tried. I feel so overwhelmed and cursed because these requirements are insane but they do seem to be the standard for gay men. It has gotten so bad to the point where I am thinking about suicide. I have enough problems let alone this one warning me that any attempt on my part to have sex and get a boyfriend will be a dismal failure if I do not look like that Liam Magnuson guy they keep talking about.
If this is all really true then how can I be happy being gay? I would rather be dead than to live a life where I am so universally reviled and rejected by the beautiful people that populate the gay community. It is not a problem for most gay guys because most gay guys are attractive so this system works for them. Not for me though...no one wants to cuddle with me. I am feeling kinda suicidal right now tbh.
From what I being told from them and from what I am seeing in the gay media it just seems that it takes a lot of work to be gay. You have to be hotter, be smarter, be richer than the average guy to even be considered average in the gay community.
The demands are just too much for me too keep up but I am becoming increasinly convinced that they are right in what they are telling me. If they are I am screwed and I should just forget about sex unless if I pay for it and I should definitely forget relationships cause no guy is going to want to settle for anything less than a porn hottie with brains. Like this one guy who works in the porn business who has geeky side too, they introduced me to him and told me that he is the standard for guys in the community and that I should aim to be like that if I want to be accepted.
I can not be like that though even if I tried. I feel so overwhelmed and cursed because these requirements are insane but they do seem to be the standard for gay men. It has gotten so bad to the point where I am thinking about suicide. I have enough problems let alone this one warning me that any attempt on my part to have sex and get a boyfriend will be a dismal failure if I do not look like that Liam Magnuson guy they keep talking about.
If this is all really true then how can I be happy being gay? I would rather be dead than to live a life where I am so universally reviled and rejected by the beautiful people that populate the gay community. It is not a problem for most gay guys because most gay guys are attractive so this system works for them. Not for me though...no one wants to cuddle with me. I am feeling kinda suicidal right now tbh.