I've been doing research on male bisexuality, namely through conducting a survey of bi men. One of the things I've noticed is that most of the participants identify as 'mostly straight' but have a limited interest in men. We've gotten very few responses form guys who are mostly gay, but have some interest in women.
There are clearly men who identify as straight who are actually bi. Are there men in the gay community who may actually be somewhat bisexual, but identify as gay for convenience?
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I wouldn't doubt it. A lot of people, even those in the gay community, don't seem to understand how a person can be bisexuality. The standard way of thinking is that you are attracted to one gender, whether it be your own or the opposite. I think some people find it hard to accept that you can be attracted to both genders. I have heard a lot of arguments saying that bisexuals are really just gays who are using bisexuality as a "stepping stone." They don't want to come all the way out of the closet, so they identify as "partially gay". In time, bisexuality will be more understood and accepted, but for now, there are still some misconceptions and prejudice against it.
Personally, I really wish we could take away all labels and just let people be people. I identify as "gay", but that's kind of presumptuous, since it assumes that I will never meet a woman who I will fall in love with emotionally and physically. So far, that has never happened, nor have there ever been any "close calls", which is why I go for the gay label. But sexuality is a lot more fluid than what can be contained in the labels of "gay", "straight", or "bisexual."
Sorry for rambling so much.
Oh, and welcome to the forum. 
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Well, for me personally, I've been mostly interested in guys lately. But for most of my life, over 21 years, I believed that I was only interested in girls. All bi-curious thoughts I ever had I just pushed aside and focused on the side of me that said I was straight. I feel like perhaps the reason I'm so interested in guys right now is because I'm finally letting out all of my gay curiosities. I'm making up for years of pushing guys away by focusing only on them right now. But it's very hard for me to say that I'm gay, because I don't feel like those 21 years of being attracted to girls should be ignored. This is why I consider myself to be mostly bisexual (even if my tag says "curious") because I do find both sexes attractive.
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It's definitely different for everyone. When I was closeted, I was more into girls. I definitely said I was straight then (I even convinced myself). When I first came out, I was like "OMG WHERE ARE THE MEN?" Now I'm more like "meh." I don't really publicly identify either way now. If someone asks me, I'll tell them I'm bi. Otherwise they can think whatever they want. I don't really worry about who I like more, since people are just people to me now.
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I identify as gay, but I am sexually interested in women. To put a fine point on it. I am about a 4.29 on the Kinsey scale.
More than incidentally interested in women.
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Discounting Meryl Streep, there are two women that I would have seriously done the whole committed marriage, have kids, sort of 'straight' relationship with. Had they only wanted me.....
Understand that both were lesbians and hella more dominant - AKA masculine than your average straight woman.... So does that detract from the attraction to the female gender idea as they acted more manly than average? IDK.
But then we are left with all of the problems of what is gender actually? Aside from having or not having a penis, are men and women really that different? I think that the answer is going to be hard to figure out simply because our society is so hung up on gender roles that we will never actually have children raised in an unbiased environment where their own personality, not the expectations of society, leads them to be who they really are.
Meryl Streep is the only woman who I have had the hots for that makes me question exactly how gay am I here. Especially since the role of Sophia in Sophia's Choice which is where my interest started. Granted she tends to play stronger characters but there is nothing about her looks that remotely suggests 'man' unlike the two other women who had a decided masculine stance... if you know what I mean.
I am of the opinion that in reality heterosexuality and homosexuality is far rarer in humans than bisexuality. I suspect that the majority of straight people are on the order of 90% straight with a 10% leaning toward homosexuality, and the majority of self identifying '100% gay' people are actually around 90% gay with a ten percent leaning toward heterosexuality.
Mine is pretty much the last generation that spawned a lot of 'married gay men' - meaning men who would have thought themselves 100% homosexual had there been a lot more tolerance and acceptance. They opted to hide in closets and try the 'straight marriage' thing in order to fit in, in order to have that career, in order to satisfy the ticking of their biological clock, and all sorts of other pressures of society which back in the day were far worse than they are now.
Then we have more recent research pointing out that a lot of homophobic individuals actually have homo tendencies, a minor leaning which undoubtably leads to them feeling very conflicted about their own sexuality thus they transfer their angst at openly gay individuals.
It is society and its pressures playing a huge role here. If society was a lot more tolerant, I suspect a lot of homophobes would either be comfortable with their own homosexuality, or would just up and decide to opt into the 'bisexual' label.
Saying I'm gay just saves a lot of hassles and cuts out a lot of time. Since at least 9 times out of ten I would prefer the company of a man, I just go with gay.
However, if the right woman came along...... I might change that label to 'bisexual'....
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:simply because our society is so hung up on gender roles that we will never actually have children raised in an unbiased environment where their own personality, not the expectations of society, leads them to be who they really are
I agree with this… not that i think society is to blame cause i think even in an unbiased enviroment you would have boisterous boys who want to fight and little girls who want to look pretty.
Our sexual equipment speaks volumnes too… people say men built rockets to look like penises as an expression of masculinity (youve heard this joke) but penises just look like that, its not biased, its not the expectations of society, its just there, missile-like, masculine
We get hair, we lose hair, we have deeper voices, most of us have harder features, these things would come to the fore in any enviroment.
I dont think society is too biased based on what its been given but that gods having a laugh
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Yes, a lot of people will identify as gay/straight for convenience. If you're never going to realistically date a women why say you're bi? Pragmatically you're gay. There's also a bit of prejudice against bisexuals with people constantly thinking Bi = have sex with everything, so they're scared. Lastly, a lot of bisexuals I've noticed are confused. They have that preference, but they still have a bit of sexual feeling for the other sex, and they don't seem to understand if they're gay, bi, straight, so they'll say they're whichever one they like most. All these things also make it more difficult to 'come out', imagine trying to tell your family you like both genders, and they're like, "Well why don't you just be normal than, since you can choose?", and then getting that response from anyone that's uneducated?
On my end, most of the guys I end up seriously attracted to are Bi (I don't know why or if it's just an unlikely coincidence), so I have to be supportive and okay with it. One of the things that strikes me is when I see gay people shaming bisexuals.
Hopefully you are able to draw some ideas from that.
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I don't know, I have had some pretty darn intense sex with some pretty darn attractive women. But when it all shakes out, it only lasts about a year and then "other side" of me takes over. I want to have a long term committed relationship, so I will not be doing that anymore. (and have not for years)
Even if it means celibacy for the rest of my days. I have no clue if that makes sense. Done. I know what I want now. I was always faithful when that was agreed upon.
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A lot of people seem to think bisexuals have multiple sex partners, but when I was married to a woman I was 100% faithful to her. My wife passed away some years ago, and recently I've experimented with a few men, but I'm not promiscuous.
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Bi Men in the Gay Community
