Bi Men in the Gay Community

[TonyAndonuts]

All these things also make it more difficult to 'come out', imagine trying to tell your family you like both genders, and they're like, "Well why don't you just be normal than, since you can choose?", and then getting that response from anyone that's uneducated?

That is exactly why I'm afraid to come out as bi. If I told people, they'd just wonder why I can't just be with a woman since I have a choice and it's normal. I mean, I don't know how to respond to that. The biggest argument people have to support the LGBT is saying that "it's not a choice", but for bisexuals people will probably be thinking "well, what's THEIR excuse"?

[Melody]

I believe they are identify as gay for convince it's because bisexual has a stigma , I see it in the lesbian community and straight community as well . I can see why they do it because there are some gay men that refuse to date bisexual men and I've heard some say some pretty awful things about bisexual men . I think bisexuals actually have a small dating pool because of the stigma so it's easier for them to identify as gay or straight . Some even think their not bi enough thinking they have to be 50%/50% with emotion and attraction to be bi which is not true .
It seems like some people who are clearly bisexual want to be anything but bisexual and those same people will complain about how the gay or straight box doesn't fit them properly and then cry out how labels are no good and we don't need labels . When bisexuals face so much stigma of course this gonna happen . But I don't believe everyone is bisexual or have a little bit of bi in them . I think it's either your bisexual , gay ,lesbian or straight .
.<------- pokemon turtle

[Jaxx37]

Being bisexual is confusing, people expect you to choose one gender or the other and stick with that. What they don't realise is that it's not a choice, if it were God only knows how much that'd help me out. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with being bisexual - I find people attractive, sure I look at a guy or a girl and say 'they're hot' but when it comes to real attraction it's not about gender to me it's the whole package, personality is way more important. I'd say I'm more attracted to women than men but that doesn't mean I want to identify as lesbian - I could do without the labels at all to be honest because all I ever seem to get, even from close friends, who I know are kidding around most of the time, is this whole 'you're just being greedy', 'you're just confused', 'I don't know what you want' etc. and this makes it a heck of a lot harder to find 'the one', I guess many people who are bisexual really just don't want the stigma, the hassle of being seen as somehow more promiscuous, less reliable, bed hoppers who just can't take a relationship seriously, have no concept of love, only lust and would cheat on you before you could blink.

Sure there are some bisexuals out there who are promiscuous and as my above description but many are not. Most are probably more like me - genuinely looking for someone special to share their life with, someone who they can love completely and spend their life with. For many I fear it's simply safer to pick a gender to be attracted to and go from there since most people don't take you seriously otherwise.

[Cuddly]

@Jaxx37 A simple homo like myself would assume you would never be fully satisfied if you settled down with just one person, because one person cannot be of both genders. Because of that you would lack the stimuli the other gender would give you and you would seek to have that need fulfilled.
I know that isn't the case, because you bisexuals keep telling me so, but when your world perspective is as narrow as mine is, as I can only ever love men, I get confused by how bisexuals could ever settle for one gender when they desire both. Understand what I mean?

[AlohaShannon]

Jaxx, I really like what you said about real attraction not being about any particular gender for you. Just like you mentioned, I choose to identify myself on here as gay but that is not entirely accurate for me. When I suppressed who I am I found that I was constantly desiring every woman that I came across indiscriminately. Now that I have finally allowed myself to accept who I am, I have become far more selective with my "tastes" and accepting of my attraction to both men and women.

Regardless of purely physical or even mental attraction, I am attuned more to the unspoken connection that I can feel with someone that has nothing to do with gender. There have been a few times in my life when I can recall this pull towards someone that seems uncontrollable. It's like my spirit is joining with the other person's spirit with no regard to gender. Some could call it animal magnetism or insatiable lust, but I recognize it as something else completely. I see it as a spiritual desire for union with that person. It's in those moments when my eyes lock with that person that I can feel this pull. When the first words are spoken it's like they are speaking to my soul. After the first couple of minutes I feel as if I've known that person for many years and there is this desire for oneness that just feels natural...maybe call it destiny...whatever. All I know is, it is very rare for me and only happened three or four times in my life that I can recall. But I can now say with all honesty, that if I feel that way with a man or a woman, I will accept them not based on their gender any longer, but based on that connection.

[Jaxx37]

I do understand what you mean and I appreciate your honesty, God knows that more honesty and openness is needed these days.

I guess the simple answer is that for me it's not about the gender, it's about the person. One person cannot be both genders, you're absolutely right but monogamy and remaining faithful is something I take very seriously. I'm looking for love, not sex and so if I were with someone then I would be fulfilled in the sense that the love we shared was the important thing. if I discovered that I was lusting after someone else to the point where I felt tempted to stray (whether of the same or different gender to my partner) then I would know that the love I shared with my partner was not as strong as we needed it to be and therefore I would have to end the relationship. If however the love we shared was strong then it would be no different than if I were straight and checking out a hot guy on TV - I would look but I wouldn't touch because I don't need to.

I can honestly say that I have never once been with a person of one gender and felt tempted to stray, nor have I missed what the opposite gender could give me. I've always been so wrapped up in the relationship that I barely noticed anyone else existing. In fact the one time there was an issue of cheating in a relationship I'd had it was the other woman who apparently was a lesbian but cheated on me with a man.

[Pix]

I get confused by how bisexuals could ever settle for one gender when they desire both. Understand what I mean?

Do you get confused by someone who finds both redheads and blonds hot and how they could settle for one color of hair when they're attracted to both?

[AlohaShannon]

I find redheaded women to be so incredibly sexy but redheaded men not so much...sorry, off topic but I wanted to share!

[Cuddly]

Do you get confused by someone who finds both redheads and blonds hot and how they could settle for one color of hair when they're attracted to both?

No

[Pix]

an issue of cheating in a relationship I'd had it was the other woman who apparently was a lesbian but cheated on me with a man.

I once fled a confrontation after I innocently asked the so-called lesbian why she hated bisexuals so much when she had more sex with guys than many straight women did (I was 19 and genuinely confused). Apparently many others were wondering they same thing because they started laughing, and laughed even harder when she lunged for me. I chose the better part of valor and ran (I did trip her when she almost caught me). Her attacking me was actually illuminating in of itself and now I laugh, too.