Need some advice gay help

[Bellablue]

I am a straight worm and need some gay advice. I work with a man who I am attracted to. We started flirting back and fort. He has not come out that he is gay at work. So I had no idea. When I asked him out he backed off and said no. I still didn't know he was gay. Several weeks later he started an interest again. I started a little digging on Facebook and found out that he is mostly likely gay with a boyfriend. He doesn't know I know and I would never say anything to anyone to respect his privacy. My question what is deal? A women knows when a guy looks at her that there is an attraction and I see that with him. Any insight would be helpful.

[Wardo94]

Well, if he is gay and does have a bf, he could be just joking around with you cause' you, in lack of better terms, "rub him the right way". As in he likes to talk to you and what not. But in situations like these, it can literally be anything. If you're %100 sure that he is with someone, I would just drop the whole asking him out. Maybe go around at one more time and see what he does, but after that, if he says no, just leave at that.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Flirting isn't always reflective of real interest. a lot of guys and gals on all sided of these sexual orientation fence, flirt for fun, flirt as a way to show friendship... Just go through some of the word games threads and see how wholly inappropriate our flirting here gets. No we ain't picking up on each other, and yes we all are pretty certain that meeting is a no go, never really gonna happen deal.

We flirt because it is fun.

Pull him to the side, in private and ask him point blank 'are you gay?'... Ask him what the deal is - But before you ask him if he is gay, and if you are tolerant of LGBT, then start dropping hints like relate a tale you have of you and a gay friend going pride or something, or say 'i wish our state would legalize gay marriage.' - I don't know would apply here.

Indirectly let him know that you are tolerant - build up to the question over a week or two.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

First off, you've found out he has a partner, so why exactly do you want to continue to pursue him?

Secondly workplace romances, especially where the target of your attentions is a not openly out gay guy, can lead to unexpected consequences, and are not recommended.

Finally, lots of men, straight, gay or bi are friendly, some may say flirty. That doesn't mean they are looking for a stalker.

ObW
X

[loserguy]

You asked him out and he said no so that should be the end of it.

Flirting means nothing.

[hank]

I am a straight worm and need some gay advice. I work with a man who I am attracted to. We started flirting back and fort. He has not come out that he is gay at work. So I had no idea. When I asked him out he backed off and said no. I still didn't know he was gay. Several weeks later he started an interest again. I started a little digging on Facebook and found out that he is mostly likely gay with a boyfriend. He doesn't know I know and I would never say anything to anyone to respect his privacy. My question what is deal? A women knows when a guy looks at her that there is an attraction and I see that with him. Any insight would be helpful.

I flirt with women too. It's force of habit. I was so desperate to throw the "gaydars" off inmy closeted days I became a very good flirt. It may be that. He may think you are pretty. To be honest I have a little attraction to women.

I wouldn't look to deeply into it. Just be friends. nothing hurts more thanchasing after someone that you can never have. All the straight boys I pined over in high school only brought me pain when they got with girls.

Let go, move on.

On a funny note. In your post you made a typo saying you were a straight "worm." I was digging around for gay slang to find out what a "straight worm" was. Than it dawned on me that you meant to type "woman" and auto correct replaced it with "worm.". I thought it was funny.

[MisterTinkles]

[SIZE="5"]"I am a straight worm"

Did NOBODY notice this?????????????????[/SIZE]

[driftwood]

... what is deal? A women knows when a guy looks at her that there is an attraction and I see that with him...

I am surprised that your thread has been up for 4 days and the first response was this morning, but it looks like the ball is rolling now. As Hank pointed out, your friend could be strictly gay, but you're the one who has looked in his eyes, and seen how he looked at you - the "deal" is he is probably bi.

At any rate, you suspect that he is theoretically available but he's not really available, so there's nothing much you can do now, except enjoy the flirting. Dropping some subtle clues that you are supportive of LGBT issues might be a good idea. But I wouldn't ask him out again, nor ask if he is gay. Either one could put him on the defensive. If the friendship becomes close (and he is gay), he'll probably come out to you eventually, but it could be years.

Then again, remember that he could be bi and most relationships are finite, so don't be surprised if, a couple years down the road, he asks you out. Hope you have the patience for that!


PS Since worms are one of the few truly hermaphroditic species, I thought the typo in your post was just a Freudian slip.

[Ryocchi]

You know, this more typical than you would know, I have one of my best girl friends suffering because there's a dude who loves the attention she gives him, they friendly flirt at work but once outside it's all no-no.

Worst is, he isn't even gay, he's straight but living with a girlfriend ad he just became a father, best thing you can do is to stop the flirting, be nice, but don't flirt and don't acknowledge when he does, this would only start an infinite cycle when he hooks you only to push you back when you get too close.

[Kackerlacka]

probably just flirting with you for fun, idk tho dont take my word for it! others here explained better!