Relationship Help.

[Wardo94]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible, but sorry in advance for making it so long!

Me and my bf have been together now for about 3 months now and everything's been going pretty great. Here and there we've had our bumps, but we got that smoothed out and back normal. Recently though, he's been acting a little weird. Before his "weirdness" behavior we just got through a little problem where we decided we weren't ready for sex. After two very bad and embarrassing attempts, it wasn't the right time at all so after talking about it, we finally agreed that we could wait until we're both ready to try again. I was completely fine with the decision and wanted to do whatever made him feel comfortable since we're both virgins. Well, after this he just started acting fishy. And he still is. When we first started dating, we would talk a lot. Skype, text, call. You name it. We always kept in touch. He would call me first thing after he woke up or got out of work. Now, there was just a sudden stop to all that. He barely calls me and if he does, it's pretty much a few minutes of a call. Texting isn't as much as it used to be. He's been sleeping in A LOT. Like, today, he came back from work at about 10, went to sleep. Woke up at 9 and then he was asking me if it was bad that he wanted to go back to sleep. That was at about 11:30. He never really used to do that. Even before we started dating. Whenever he is awake and isn't at work, he's just been watching his Anime shows or just using the computer and throughout the whole time he won't text me that much at all. Sometimes he would apologize for not texting me and says he's been watching his shows. This has been happening for about a week or more now. I can't stress how many time I've asked/confronted him about if he's alright or if he has something on his mind, but he always says 'nothing'. I told him that if he wants to have his alone and be able to relax, that he can tell me and I'll understand, but he said that he is fine. Ultimately, what's really bothering me about this is the sudden change in his behavior and how there's supposedly nothing wrong. I feel like the last time we tried "doing the do" it just pushed him away. And if it was that, I would understand cause' it wasn't your average porn sex lol Anyways, I hope someone could maybe give me an idea of what might be going on. I just feel like he has something to say and if he does, I really hope we could both talk about it and just work things out. Thank you in advance and again, sorry for the the length of the post!

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Are you guys actually living together or still have separate arrangements, and is he sleeping a lot with you there, or not?

Im afraid that the sudden drop off in attention is very symptomatic of him loosing interest, and your continuing texting/calling etc may just be making the situation worse. The sudden outbreak of sleeping sickness may be a sudden outbreak of sleeping with someone else, and Im guessing thats whats nagging away at you.

The discussion about not having sex for now is a noble one to have, but my gut feeling is that its doomed to failure. Im assuming your both of a similar age? Sex, and the need to have sex is a human condition thats been built onto us since ever. He says he's a virgin, but those are easy words to say.

You need to both sit down and have an adult discussion about whats going on between you. 3 months is a relatively short time to be together as a couple, and if there are issues this early in what should reasonable still be the "honeymoon period" then you need to resolve them now, or walk away.

Human nature being what it is, he's highly unlikely to admit to anything up front. You need to ask him out loud about the no sex thing, as that may open the conversation up to whats really going on.

Good Luck

ObW
X

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sleeping a lot can be a sign of depression, and depression is a pretty bad place to be, it affects and damages all areas of the life.

From what you said here, depression would be my top diagnoses of the 'problem'.

The second is that he really isn't into that much, the initial infatuation has faded and he doesn't know how to tell you that so he has been lying about stuff (like sleeping a lot) trying to distance himself hoping you will give up and go away.

In either case, I fear this is not going to end well if he isn't gonna talk about it, it can't be fixed nor resolved and it will worsen over time... In either case it will worsen with time.

[Wardo94]

We got off the phone a few hours ago where he was just acting strange. It was honestly irritating me so I just told him what was on my mind after we hung up over text. After the long message,cc he called. I somewhat have an idea what's going on after speaking about it with him. Nonetheless, it doesn't seem like he's happy. It's weird cause' he just feels like I'm the unhappy one cause' he can't satisfy my needs and thinks that I deserve better, but I reassured him and said that I'm really happy with him. But he still seemed like he was just not with the whole relationship idea. I haven't been able to sleep at all thinking about. On top of me having problems to fall asleep at night. But whenever he wakes up today I guess we'll talk about it some more and see where he wants to put everything at. Thanks again for the advice. Appreciate it

[EJ13]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I went through that recently. What you have to do is sit down face to face with him and talk, don't do it on the phone. Tell him that he can trust you and tell you whatever it is bothering him and that you would understand. Tell him that you feel something it's wrong and you'd like to sort things out. Don't point what he does, he might get defensive and mad, just try to talk in general (about what you feel). It doesn't look like it's going to end well, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I see it. The more time it takes you to resolve this, the more it will hurt you.

[Wardo94]

Everything seems a bit better now, but now I'm seeing that there's nothing really wrong with us. He's battling something between him and himself. From what what I know about him so far, I could tell it's that. He's new to all this stuff, the feelings and all the bf stuff, and it seems like he's having a hard time to show his true feelings and take everything. Whatever it is, I've said what I had to say, more than enough, so all I can do at this point is let him find himself and deal with whatever it is he's having a problem with. Good thing is, is his therapist that he visits once a week helps him out with this stuff so hopefully when he goes on Sunday, he said he'll be asking her for some advice, she can hopefully put some light to the situation.

[EJ13]

That's good to hear!
Make sure to keep us updated

[Kackerlacka]

It's not always easy...I'm in a relationship with my gf and I'm having down times where I don't know if i live her...but I know I do I obsess and have ocd and depression and all of that is a huge factor in why I feel the way I do. But ik I lobe her and stick around with her . Just because one starts to distance a bit does not mean anything at all. We all have our personal problems we need to fight

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Gaw - you do have it bad... real bad, this may be a near terminal case. Both of you, OCD man and the OP Man, both are so tightly wrapped up in a smothering cocoon of love.

Love is a sickness, a disease, a form of insanity and from everything you guys have said about the symptoms that you both are having with your little lady/man.... It tells me you have an incurable case of the loves....

Hurts don't it.... Know all of those songs about love hurting and all of that crap... Yep you are now well on the way of full understanding why songs about love go on and on about pain and suffering...

I feel for you, but I know how contagious this one is... so no touchy until your disease has run its course. That actually takes about two years on average.....

[Wardo94]

He was being a bit mean over the phone. Since he's socially awkward and doesn't really know how to react to certain situations, he tends to joke his way out of it and his jokes were getting a little personal. I complained the next day, and pretty much told him what I had on my mind and he didn't seem to see through my eyes and said I complain to much about us. I just told him to drop and not talk about, cause' it just felt like a lost fight with him and I was bitching too much.