Penis Size

[ChadCoxRox]

What do you mean by pour it out? Are you trivializing what I am feeling by calling it crap?
I would love to break out of my isolation but honestly no one has the patience to really be that close to me irl.
Are you also saying that I am using my own intelligence against me and it is making me crazy?
This is not an exuse but I was treated real poorly by most people growing up and the exuse they made to justify what they did to make me feel so small is that I had aspergers.

None of the bad. ALL of the good. I pushed on purpose just to be as provocative as you. The only difference is yours is from a place of pain and mine is from a place of potential healing. Read these posts repeatedly if needed, but mostly do it carefully and stay connected. I have NO intent to offend but I think this is a safe place to be candid and not just pussyfoot around with pats and hugs without some real and true effort. I'll back off for sure for now because I wish you peace more than anything in the world.

[Drkmcnamara]

I dont like how you call me a bitch but ok. Yea I admit my real problem is that I am a self-loather and well being told by your family growing up that you are less than all the time will do that to you

[Drkmcnamara]

I am so confused right now, I dont know what to do right now. How am I gonna finally feel good about myself?

[ChadCoxRox]

When I was 19 a lady at a club shouted at me over the music, calling me a bitch. I was totally pissed and defensive as hell. I even got in her face about it and she backed me down with a "I'm a bigger bitch than you so don't mess with me" come back. She said "I know a bitch when I see one and you're getting pretty damn good at it." We've been very special and close friends since. Thanks for reminding me of that fond memory. Sorry for the tangent but it was good for me.

goodnight all...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sorry - I don't have that magic bullet... One of the reasons why I drink more than I really shoulda outta...

I don't think there is a magic bullet. The more you talk the more you reveal about yourself. Having a family that downed you all the time most likely set lifelong patterns which a therapist may help you to overcome.

Understand the longer you wait the harder it is to break these habits. I waited until my 30s - that didn't end well....

Depression, low self esteem, aspergers and all of this other stuff really, really, really needs a professional therapist - one on one sessions. Not just the occasional post on a thread.

[Drkmcnamara]

Being called a bitch is an obvious sign that the person sayin it does not like you. I can understand why you would not like me but...
Right now I feel as though I am flying a plane and I am getting all of these warning horns and I don't know which ones to believe because they are all contracting each other and if I don't do something to fix this storm of warning horns that I am going to crash the plane. Metaphorically that is how I feel everytime I try to discuss this mess about my selfesteem and self image.

[Sylph]

I dont like how you call me a bitch but ok. Yea I admit my real problem is that I am a self-loather and well being told by your family growing up that you are less than all the time will do that to you

It's secretly cause I wanna dominate your ass, that I call you a bitch :0 ... bitch. Kidding~~

But yeah, we all have our little familial bouts and debuckles. But you're a big boy now, you need to decide whether you wish to fill out your family's judgement of you or do you wanna be the man you so desperately say you wish you were?

You have to let go of mommy and daddy's hand sometime, and make the life you wish to live in, your own.

They raised you, now you need to take all the good and the bad and decide how you're going to utilize the life and lessons they've given to you.

Excuses are the tools of the weak, it's time you started to make use of self-empowering words and beliefs.

When you find something you don't particularly like about yourself, don't focus on it, find something just as positive about yourself. It's there, it always is :hugs-and-kisses-smi

[Drkmcnamara]

I don't think being constantly put down and being told that you are nothing by your parents and brothers as a little familial bout. What they have done and still insist on doing has hurt me so much and has caused me so much pain and now everyone is expecting that I just act like nothing has happened and go out and act like a normal person. Quit thinking of me as this inept, retarded little child who is overreacting to this. And look if I let go of my Mom and Dad I have no one else in this life to turn to, no one I am all on my own and I cant do that. They didn't raise me to be honest, they never even expected that I would make it this far in life by going to school. Everyone is just attacking and no matter what I do everything is wrong and I am either just making exuses or not dealing with problems or whatever. I hate saying it but they abused me, thet abused the hell out of me and didn't even bother raising me because I was not worth the effort. All of the things I accomplished in my life like going to school and having a job were all done without any help or support from them whatsoever.

[Drkmcnamara]

It is not little when your Dad chokes you out and throttles you to the wall because you didn't make it into the national honors society telling me that I must not be smart at all and that I have no qualities about me as a person. It is not small when your brother tells you to go kill yourself because it would make everyone's lives easier and how my Dad gave him approval to say to that to me. Now whenever I try to move in the right direction and work on my self image I can't because everytime I relive all of those awful events and it is just a wall I can not get past because the pain of all that is something I never really allowed myself or process. I really need professional help, I am having to many triggers and to many flashbacks.

[Drkmcnamara]

I just reread through some of this...I really need help, I do really need professional help. It is going to take years to fix all of this. No one here is going to want to quit talking to me if I get professional help right? Because I get the impression that I until I get myself fixed that I am going to remain a lonely person but most importantly I want to finally be able to feel good about myself and since I have no idea how to do that I am going to get help. I can still make friends and all of that even while I am going to therapy right, nothing says I can't go out and do that until my therapy is complete right?