Bisexuality: I do not understand it!

[Cuddly]

Hi community,

I have, for as long as I remember, never understood bisexuality. I have been told they fall in love with personalities, and this is what turns them on, rather than some physical attraction. I do not understand.
I can relate to being in love with a personality, but that doesn't mean I would have sex with the person. I guess sex was never a defining requirement in a relationship, but I assume bisexuals have sex (with both genders, not necesarily at the same time).

What I cannot understand is how one can be attracted to men and women at the same time.

I'll copy paste in some replies I got from another thread, which I sadly seem to have derailed:

I don't doubt that at least a few bisexuals do that, but for many people love isn't a choice. You don't get a pop up that asks you whether or not to allow feelings and attraction for a person, and love makes many people do stupid things.

there was a link here but I cannot post it, so it's snipped


“Love is like quicksand; once you're in it's difficult to get out.”

― C.B. Smith

And what doesn't make sense to me is gay or straight...and I say that as someone who has been strictly attracted to my own gender for many years now. From a strictly intellectual POV (at least as I see it) bisexuality just makes a lot more sense, plenty of species close to us seem to have a tendency (or even a near universal trend) of bisexuality, and when without all our effects (cosmetics, clothes, haircuts, what's shaved and what's not, etc) plenty of men & women look a lot alike, especially from a distance yet obviously mating still happened. There was even an art exhibit in which a bunch of naked male & female butts (black & white, was some distance but overall shape still clearly visible) were shown and most people couldn't guess which gender was which. It almost seems natural to think that the different styles for men & women was to exaggerate gender differences so that we could learn single sex orientation (not asserting it's true, but I wouldn't blame someone who did).

a person can be attracted to white men (or women) as well as black men / women . a person can be attracted to really thin men , but sometimes be attracted to someone muscular.
some people don't give a shit what's between a person's legs and fall in love with the person , not the body.

also , there aren't many bisexual people who would say that they are bi because they "are attracted to both dick and pussy." most would say "i am attracted to both men and women."
like , i'm a lesbian because i love my wife and am only attracted to women , not because i fucking love pussy. that's a completely separate part of it.

Please help me in becoming a smarter, more understanding person. My brain can fathom transgender, lesbian, gay and even straight.. but bi I just cannot get my head around.

[Cuddly]

are you only into one type of sex ?

as in , absolutely only oral , or anal , but never both ? or do you have different kinds of sex when you're with someone ?

saying someone can only be into "dick" or "pussy" is like saying that someone can only be into oral sex and nothing else.
obviously there are people who are only into oral sex , but i'd say the vast majority of people like different things , even if those different things are done with the same person.

For me, it changes like my mood. So for bisexuals it just changes more? As in; today I really wanna munch the muff, tomorrow I really wanna blow the dude, on saturday I shall find a female date to bang and sunday I will have my ass torn in two by the gartner?
If that's the case, how can bisexuals ever have a satisfying relationship, unless it's an open one?

[TonyAndonuts]

Well, I'm a little confused about it myself. My whole life I've been attracted to girls, but recently I've been much more into guys. I realized that I've always kind of liked guys, but never allowed myself to think about it. If I ever had any sexual attractions to a guy, I'd just shut my mind up and tell myself that it means nothing. Now I don't hold myself back. I let myself feel whatever I feel. I've been mainly looking at guys recently (around campus, on the street, online), probably to make up for all the years of holding back. But, I don't feel like I can ignore my 21+ years of liking girls. I don't feel like I was tricking myself into liking girls because that's what's accepted in society and that's what's "normal". My attraction to girls was real. Sometimes if I'm checking out hot guys online, I randomly stumble upon a really beautiful girl and I remember "Oh yeah, I like girls too."
I feel like at the moment, I lean towards guys, but that doesn't mean that I don't like girls. I don't think anyone can be completely 50-50. Someone's always gonna have a preference. Right now my preference is guys, but that might change later on. Who knows?

All I know is that I find this...:


And this...:


Both pretty damn sweet

[Cuddly]

So in the same way you'd one day prefer oral, the next you might prefer anal.. you'd one day prefer men and the next female?
That sounds reasonable. But how does such a person ever have a healthy long-term relationship? (closed, that is)

[elad12]

I don't find it that difficult to understand. If you are straight you are sexually attracted to the opposite sex. If you are gay you are attracted to the same sex and if you are bisexual you are sexually attracted to both sexes.

You are gay so you are attracted to other men. You don't get how someone can be attracted to men and women because you aren't. I've had sex with both and I am attracted to men, not women which makes me gay. I have no problem understanding that someone can be attracted to both genders. Not sure why it is so hard for you to imagine, or why it matters so much.

[Sylph]

Bisexuality is not an Off and On switch or a Direct current, it's more like an Alternating current, they have a stronger preference towards one or the other, but still like both.

People keep thinking Bisexual = One or the other/Polyamorous/Confused

When in reality, Bisex people are the same as everybody else, but like everybody else, they're different too.

It's really quite simple if you look at it from the perspective of; "Why does or should it matter?"

Gays aren't all one type of Gay, we all have a preference of our type of guy, the same goes for Bisexuals. For anybody for that matter.


I just look at most things in life as "It is what it is and if it isn't, then that's okay too" because I'm not really into judging or trying to figure something out(not saying your judgy), that really isn't for me to judge or try and figure out.

Call me simple, but I feel as if though, when it comes down to it, most things are really simple, but people just like to make them complicated

People are people gurl, we just are who we are(not to quote that hot mess Ke$ha :p )

[Wardo94]

I saw an example once that made me understand so much better and kinda' blew my mind cause' I never thought about it like that. So someone who's bisexual is pretty much like this, but could obviously differ.


You love eating cake and pie a lot, but you like cake ten times more than pie any day. Though, every once in a while, you see a pie that's just so irresistible to you and you have to eat it..... Read this and just think about it really hard.

[Sylph]

All I know is that I find this...:


And this...:


Both pretty damn sweet

I find them both hawt too, but in a diff way. I see his hawtness as what I'm attracted to, I see hers as how I look and as a sexy ass bitch

But dang her legs are just cunnnt! I want them legs :<

[Cuddly]

I'm the kind of person who needs to understand what lies beneath. Usually I can just relate things around, but bisexuality I just can't understand.
I live in a world where we discuss physics, chemistry, microbes and the like. And things usually make sense; somebody likes something so they move towards it.

Now, what I'm about to write here isn't how I feel about things, or even what I consider "OK" to think, because I would not want to be viewed that way myself, but consider the analogy:
A gay man is programmed to have sex with other men, because his drive tells him that he can spread his genes by mating with these.
A straight man is programmed to have sex with women, because his drive tells him that he can spread his genes by mating with these.
A bisexual man is programmed to have sex with both men and women because both can spread his genes...? And that's where I'm stuck.

If you consider pheromones (scent), you are attracted to the scent that has the most inconsistencies with your immune defense, geneticly, because this is genetically favourable: your child will have the immune defense of both the mum and the dad, thus the greater the difference between the mum and the dad's immune defenses, the wider the child's immune defense will be.
Thus, for me to be attracted to men because I have a female brain (pardon the narrow-minded simplifications), makes sense. I want to mate with that guy because our offspring will have our combined perks. How can the brain tell you that mating with both the female and male specimen will yield spreading of your genetic material (which, of sorts, is the goal of life).

[East]

You could take it at face value. if someone says they are bi...just accept it and move along.

I hate when someone tries to define my sexuality for me...so I extend that courtesy to others.

It is simple really.