Bisexuality: I do not understand it!

[SilverFrost]

I base it on a long marriage to a woman and a lot of observation. Women think in certain ways, while men think in certain ways, and because of the differences they don't truly understand one another. A lot of women love to ask "What are you thinking?" if a man gets quiet. Most of them are infuriated if the man responds with "Nothing" because they just can't fathom that it can be possible to not be thinking of at least a few things at a time, while the man might very well be telling the truth. He actually wasn't thinking at that moment, or else it was so unimportant or subconscious that he's rather unaware of it when asked.

Just for a side note to this. I have been with my boyfriend for 17 years now and I have learnt to see when this thinking truly is just nothing and when something truly bothers him. The difference is clear. But what I need to learn is that this stubborn guy wants to keep these bothering thoughts to himself and drives himself almost sick because he wants to solve the problem without worrying me. But yeah, that's just us

So, back to the topic

[Woollyhats]

There are two ways of approaching this:

1. Simply accepting people as they are. People fall in love with whoever they fall in love with, simple as that. Love is love. Unless trying to give advice that requires you to use someone's sexuality to explain yourself adequately, this approach works well and is used by many. I really recommend it actually when people tell you their sexuality/who they love, to just accept it...if not because it's easy do it because this is respectful.

2. Understanding sexuality itself.

You seem like a very black and white person, in that you can relate to homosexuality and heterosexuality.

Bisexuality is inbetween those two.

Think of it like this: If homosexuality is black, and heterosexuality is white, bisexuality is the shades of gray between those two shades.

As you can see: Sexuality is something like a spectrum. Here is a visual depiction of that spectrum:


As you can see from the graphic, heteorsexuality and homosexuality are at opposing ends, while varying shades of bisexuality are in the middle.

Summarized: Individuals can be attracted to men, and to women, at the same time. An individual who likes women may like men more, or vice versa, but it's still on the scale.

As a final note, I remember you were confused as to why bisexuals just don't pretend to be normal in an earlier post to me; I used to be really confused and kind of jealous of that too.

But I think that even bisexuals want to be loved for who they are, without feeling like they're lying to their friends and family, and I think that sometimes they might fall in love with the gender that isn't as accepted, and pursue that anyway..

[Bravo]

I wouldn't say personalities, but yeah. I think the most attractive things about people are in the details. I love my partner's smile and his attitude, I think these are the things that made me fall for him. But I also like my other friend's hair and she is a girl. If I like a stranger's eyes, I find myself staring at them constantly and I don't even notice it. The way a girl's boobs look like in their shirt, every detail. I guess sometimes it can be quite creepy.

The smile, the way the person blushes... These things attract my attention, and it may eventually become an actual sexual attraction. I can't explain this, but this is what I'm into.

[driftwood]

... Here's my alternative: Gay is bisexuality, but excludes the opposite sex. Straight is bisexuality, but excludes the same sex. Therefore bisexuality can be seen as the norm...

I believe bisexuality is the norm. It's a continuum. Some are 90/10. 70/30. I think very few are 50/50.

For as long as I've known that I was attracted to both women and men, I have had trouble getting my head around the concept that some people can restrict their interest to only one. Like a straight person, I look at gays and lesbians and think "that's abnormal." As VileKyle said "Asking someone to explain away their bisexuality is like me asking you why you are gay."

[Sylph]

There are two ways of approaching this:

1. Simply accepting people as they are. People fall in love with whoever they fall in love with, simple as that. Love is love. Unless trying to give advice that requires you to use someone's sexuality to explain yourself adequately, this approach works well and is used by many. I really recommend it actually when people tell you their sexuality/who they love, to just accept it...if not because it's easy do it because this is respectful.

2. Understanding sexuality itself.

You seem like a very black and white person, in that you can relate to homosexuality and heterosexuality.

Bisexuality is inbetween those two.

Think of it like this: If homosexuality is black, and heterosexuality is white, bisexuality is the shades of gray between those two shades.

As you can see: Sexuality is something like a spectrum. Here is a visual depiction of that spectrum:


As you can see from the graphic, heteorsexuality and homosexuality are at opposing ends, while varying shades of bisexuality are in the middle.

Summarized: Individuals can be attracted to men, and to women, at the same time. An individual who likes women may like men more, or vice versa, but it's still on the scale.

As a final note, I remember you were confused as to why bisexuals just don't pretend to be normal in an earlier post to me; I used to be really confused and kind of jealous of that too.

But I think that even bisexuals want to be loved for who they are, without feeling like they're lying to their friends and family, and I think that sometimes they might fall in love with the gender that isn't as accepted, and pursue that anyway..

As usual, Wooly has to be the Sensible one...sigh >,>


And worse still, he's right...as usual


(Ommmmg I'm loving these emoji's!!!! But this makes my opinion no less valid :p )

[driftwood]

A lot of women love to ask "What are you thinking?" if a man gets quiet. Most of them are infuriated if the man responds with "Nothing" because they just can't fathom that it can be possible to not be thinking of at least a few things at a time, while the man might very well be telling the truth...

My girlfriend insists that it's not possible to not be thinking about something. Fact of the matter is it's just like waking up from a dream. I don't remember my dreams when I wake up, and I don't remember what I was thinking about.

[Cuddly]

Thanks for the replies.
You have definately helped me better understand bisexuality. Namely the way that you're not 50/50, but rather scewed to either side, makes alot of sense to me. That has greatly helped my understanding.

I hope I didn't offend anyone, by this thread. It really really wasn't my intention, it was entirely for educational purpose. So thanks alot for sharing your input.

[driftwood]

...but bi I just cannot get my head around.

Here's another thought along the same lines of you explaining how you can be gay:
In the other thread you said "No that doesn't make sense... How can you be attracted to dick AND pussy?" But it does take all kinds. Some gay men are not 'into dick'. They only top. Can you get your head around not being into either?

[VileKyle]

you're not 50/50, but rather scewed to either side.

Actually, some are, but certainly not all. As far as I can tell, I'm pretty much right in the middle. It's just that for me, it's not measured by how much I like them. Gender is just irreverent to me, so it doesn't matter. I hope that doesn't throw you into more confusion.

I hope I didn't offend anyone, by this thread. It really really wasn't my intention, it was entirely for educational purpose. So thanks alot for sharing your input.

No offense taken. Like I've said, I only take offense here when harmful stereotypes are thrown my way. You weren't doing that at all, so I appreciate that.

[Cuddly]

Here's another thought along the same lines of you explaining how you can be gay:
In the other thread you said "No that doesn't make sense... How can you be attracted to dick AND pussy?" But it does take all kinds. Some gay men are not 'into dick'. They only top. Can you get your head around not being into either?

You mean not topping nor bottoming, as a gay man? Honestly, I can't really get my head around being strictly top or strictly bottom either.. Which interestingly is the exact opposite end of the black/white vs grey scale that was thrown at me in the bi-discus.
But sex positions are more influenced by norms and what-not, rather than actual (chemical or whatever causes it) sexual attraction.

@ VileKyle, I kinda felt like I was throwing around offensive stereotypes, but I couldn't come up with any other way to explain myself, sadly. Glad you weren't offended.
But 50/50 is harder for me to understand, yes, I'm aware I do not need to understand every concept in the world in order to continue to breathe, but I would very much like to understand!
As a 50/50 bi, what kind of girl would you take home? What kind of guy? If this is too personal just ignore me, but it would really help my understanding to have a picture of it. You're strictly attracted to personalities, so it could be literally ANY body-type, age, anything?