Ok here's the deal, my best friend which is a girl and I've known for roughly 13 years, she is in love with me and throws hints to me about it, I'm in the closet and afraid to come out right now, she thinks I won't go out with her cause of the way she looks which nothing is wrong, I want to tell her I like guys and be done but it's not that simple,how could I go about telling her I'm gay,I'm not sure what her views are on gay people and by not coming out period has caused severe depression,it's effected my life alot, I just want to be happy and be myself, thanks 
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if you don't want to tell her that you're gay right away , you have to let her know that you're not interested in a relationship with her in another way. it's not fair to let her think that there might possibly be a chance of starting something with you.
although it sounds like coming out would be the best thing to do , if not being out is causing you to be so miserable . talk to her about lgbt things in general to find out what her attitude towards it is. and remember that , even if she seems to be against it (or even just doesn't care or understand) , her attitude might be totally different when it comes to you.
if she really is in love with you , she's going to be hurt whatever happens . so remind her that you love her and you'll always be her friend.
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medically diagnosed depression or self diagnosed depression?
you have 3 choices:
1) tell her you are gay
2) tell her that you love her and want to marry her
3) tell her that you value the friendship too much to lose her in a relationship.
Each choice has it pro's and cons that you have to weight up because you are the only person here that knows the both of you.
Good luck.
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I'm trying to build up to tell her, literally all of her friends are gay/bi but when somebody brings up like for instance 2 guys she's like nasty I don't need that thought in my head, that makes me think she dosent like it, I told her I'd rather be friends and said I don't want to get into a relationship right now, I know it's leading hee on and she's hoping it will turn into something,I think she has a idea though, it's not a medically diagnosed yet but I've talked to my doctor and she seems to think I am but dosent treat depression and I'd have to go see another doc about it, this is not the only thing causing my depression though
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What anyone thinks of you or say about you is not a reflection of the person you are, it's a reflection of the person they are.
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pontiacgp Wrote:I told her I'd rather be friends and said I don't want to get into a relationship right now
which basically says that you'll be wanting to get into a relationship later on.
never say "right now" when you really mean that you won't want a relationship with her (or anyone else you're not attracted to) ever.
by saying that you don't want a relationship "right now" , you're saying that at this particular moment in time you're not fussed about any relationship . but you will be sooner or later. so she's going to get more hopeful that something will happen.
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I went through exactly what you are going through, she was in love with me and I was in the closet, she disliked gays and I was afraid to come out, but eventually I told her and she tried to be ok but she went a little crazy meaning she just couldn't handle it, but it was the best thing for myself I felt free and a weight lifted, so we stopped being friends for a while, we talk again now she handles it better but things between me and her are never going to be the same. I say tell her the truth, you will feel so much better about yourself, you'll feel more free.
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It's just a hard topic to discuss with her cause when we was littler we did date, everybody wandered why I didn't date her, I guess I did it to look big in front of the other guys and was afraid people finding out that I was gay, she's like tell me why you won't date me I told her recently it wasn't her and it was me, she's like what is it are you gay or something and I said no then we left it at that
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I'm closest I've ever been to telling her, I'm pretty much at the stage were I don't give a crap what people think about me like me for who I am or not, it's hard to live a lie and hide yourself and not be happy,my family and people around me in the area I live in don't approve of it
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If she has been your bestfriend friend for 13 years,
Wouldn't it be great if you will come out to her?
What I was thinking is if you would tell her you are not interested in going to the next level with her, then it would be really awkward after that. For sure. It's not easy to take... The friendship might suffer
Definitely you need someone whom you can just be comfortable of your own skin, of who you really are, and she is the person perfect for it
Not only it would strengthen the friendship more, but she wouldn't get hurt at all if you would tell her you dont like her simply because you're gay. She might even laugh and tell you you shouldve told her earlier
Anyway that's the best advice I can give. If you trust her, come out to her and believe me, your friendship would blossom more, and her possible romantic feelings will be ERASED.
Goodluck
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anybody else experience this problem?
