Is he interested? Should I pursue him?

[Adrian12345]

Hi there,

This is my first post here.

I am from Australia and I was over in Singapore just recently on holidays.

As I was bored one evening, I started chatting with a guy on Grindr who lived close by. He was an Amercian ex pat living in Singapore.

The conversations started like just regular friends chatting (nothing sexual). Our chats went on for the next 3 -4 days and like 1-2 hours a day. We swapped pictures and we both liked each other.

Then on the 5th day, it started to move into dirty talk. I understand that he has a boyfriend but we decided to meet at a coffee shop and I was totally mesmerised by him. I think he was the same. We talked for about 1 hour about his work, his life etc. We swapped numbers and started to chat using whatsapp.

Then later that evening, we decided to meet on the streets in the middle of the night and started to make out. I have never done anything like this ever. The next morning, I went to his apartment and we had sex.

All in all, I met the guy 3 times and have known him by then for 1 week.

I had to leave Singapore that evening and I felt so sad. Although I have only known him for a week, I had fallen for him by then! He was charming, nice to talk to and just all round nice guy. I felt so comfortable when I was with him.

I tried to test him if he would want to see me again or visit me in Australia but he didn't give me a straight answer. Nor did he say he want to see me again (but he didn’t say he doesn’t want to see me again).

Anyway, we continued chatting now that I am back in Australia but the dirty talk is alot less and I am getting fewer messages from him. He would still reply to messages but there is less than when I was over in Singapore. I still think about him all the time and I cried a few times as I miss him alot.

I have told him I miss him a few times and he would reply saying "Awwwwww" and blew me kisses". He would also call me babe and say xoxox in his messages

Should I just give up? I really really like him.

I am confused, if our encounter was just one off, why would he still message me now that I am back in Australia? Is he interested in me?

This was my first meet up with a guy via Grindr and I am not sure if its usual for guys to swap numbers and talk so much and keep talking after sex.

As I said, I really really miss him and want to be with him so much!

Also I am going back to Singapore next month for work – should I ask to see him again?

[Undreamt]

I guess from my perspective it sounds more like a friends with benefits type scenario.

You can be quite good friends with someone, fool around with them and chat, but if its not going to go anywhere because of distance or timing then things can drop away a bit until the next time.

[swalter]

I understand what you're going through. It sounds to me like you should manage your expectations with this guy. Sometimes, online relationships, and the encounters that come from online relationships are magical. It seems as if the other person is exactly what is missing in your life. But this is usually a delusion. What's happening is that you're only engaging this person on a fantasy level, seeing only what they choose to show you, and projecting the rest. You've fallen in love with an ideal, not who this person actually is.

If I were in your shoes, I'd keep my expectations low, and go easy on pursuing him. Nobody wants to date someone who comes off as desperate. Be cool. Keep up the chit chat as long as he's reciprocating, and maintain some of the sexual aspects of your chats. You'll know quickly if he's still interested, or just being polite. Good luck!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He has a boyfriend....


So You're thinking that being the other woman is a good idea????

[Mark]

Give up. Okay to start with the distance is a bit of a killer. Its not like you can just hop on a train - you'd have to spend hundreds to see each other. Then he has a bf - how can you trust him if he's using Grindr while with a guy to meet other guys for sex? A leopard doesn't change its spots. He knew what he was after being on Grindr so don't expect much else.

If you want to see him when you go back then you can - it will only be for sex it depends if you want to be that guy or not. It was a 'holiday romance' - but he has a boyfriend to me that sounds like a jerk!

[Adrian12345]

Thanks for your comments.

I still miss him alot and just want to chat with him whenever I can. I must be going crazy looking at whatsapp to see if he is online and wondering what he is up to.

I am try to message him a few times every couple of days so he doesn't think I am too desparate but I don't want him to forget about me either.

I am worried that if I ask to see him again he might say no as well.

[Mark]

Thanks for your comments.

I still miss him alot and just want to chat with him whenever I can. I must be going crazy looking at whatsapp to see if he is online and wondering what he is up to.

I am try to message him a few times every couple of days so he doesn't think I am too desparate but I don't want him to forget about me either.

I am worried that if I ask to see him again he might say no as well.

Don't do it to yourself... You don't need to set yourself up for a fall so why do it? Just close this door and start fresh you seem nice enough - it would be a shame to keep getting heartache.

[Adrian12345]

I know he is always on Grindr chatting with guys. I guess he is the type of guy that he can't be devoted to just one guy so even if I am with him I will always have a feeling that he is cheating.

I still miss him though. I haven't messaged him for 2 days and I have not heard from him either......

[Mark]

I know he is always on Grindr chatting with guys. I guess he is the type of guy that he can't be devoted to just one guy so even if I am with him I will always have a feeling that he is cheating.

I still miss him though. I haven't messaged him for 2 days and I have not heard from him either......

Its the right thing to do though. Don't be messed about dude! He's obviously just a player and not worth your time.

[Adrian12345]

UPDATE:

So late week I was back in Singapore. We met up again and had lunch and coffee. We spent the whole time just chit chatting. He was flirty and so was I.

I might be back again next month.

I like him even more after seeing him again. And he told me it was nice to see me as well. Needless to say - I miss him alot now that I am back home.

I am now confused what my relationship with him is? Or is he just taking pity on me coz I told him I miss him etc???