I just came out and I feel numb...

[Cuddly]

Well, you're not going to get any rude comments from me.

I just feel confused, too, the way you described things it sounded like you were encouraged by her and then she got angry with you when you did as she wanted you to do??
I don't get it.

Women are confusing. Thankfully, I'm gay and don't have to deal with them.

Keep your chin up Shannon. It's a difficult time, but you'll pull through!

[Jaxx37]

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that things have turned out that way for you although I don't think you should beat yourself up about it too much, easier said than done I know. I think the answer lies in the fact that your former wife genuinely believed that she could stand by you, that she could live with you being intimate with another man and be absolutely fine with it. Her encouragement and support were genuine at the time that she gave them to you, but she wasn't expecting you to go out there and find yourself a man so soon, or perhaps she thought that she could handle it because deep down she'd always 'known' that you're gay - the reality of course it her much harder and while that is a terrible thing, it's not something you could have predicted. You took her at her word - she wanted you to be yourself and discover who you really are and you have. It's a shame that she couldn't handle that but the heart is a complex thing indeed and even when we think we're over someone we once loved, there's always something that will remind us of that love and it will hurt. Believe me I know. That coupled with the fact that you've been able to get out there and try and move on but she hasn't is all churning around inside her mind, until she finds herself lashing out at you because the conflicting emotions are too much to handle and she has to take it out on someone. Perhaps you could have waited a little longer before exploring your options but how were you to know that when she told you to get out there and live your life openly?

I'm sorry to hear that it hasn't worked out the way we all hoped that it would but I do think, in time, you'll be able to sort something out. Being honest with her and open about things was the right thing to do, sometimes the right thing to do doesn't end up with the 'right' result in the end but what's important is that you're open and honest with her. You can't hide your feelings or who you are just because she is hurting, no matter how bad you feel about that. Feeling bad about it is natural, on some level you still love her - we always still have a special care for our ex lovers, that's the way the human heart works. You're a good man, who took her at her word, believing that she was over you, she isn't but that isn't your fault. Nor is it hers, it's just the way things are and nothing can change what's happened.

Yes us women are incredibly confusing, I swear to you being a woman myself does nothing to diminish that fact! If anything it makes me more confused!

Anyway I thought it might help to have a woman's perspective on the situation. You'll be fine, it's tough right now but you have friends who are here if you need support. Good luck

X

[Mark]

It was always going to be difficult for you in this kind of situation so I wouldn't beat yourself up. I guess the theory of it is a lot easier than the practical side of it - and for your ex-wife I guess when you actually started getting out there she realised this which is a shame.

Don't beat yourself up though you simply tried out who you wanted to be and she sounds like she did encourage it. I guess it was just too much. You just have to give some time and just be ready to walk when its needed.

Just look after yourself and we are here if you want to rant!

[CellarDweller]

Hang in there Shannon, it will get better!

(((hugs)))

[Bookworm]

I feel that you're ex-wife had the best intentions for you when she wanted you to get out there and be yourself, however it's much easier saying these things than actually dealing with the facts on an emotional level too. Given time to reflect, I'm guessing she's going to be quite surprised by her reactions to all of this too, as her response contradicts the advice and support she freely gave you.

Life never fails to surprise us. (I'm trying to avoid cliche's now and I'm drawing a blank) so I'll just sign off with a to you

[AlohaShannon]

Thanks for your thoughts Bookworm and the digital hug as well.

[Wolfpack]

Hay Shannon we are here to support you, and we are not going to burn you at the stake. You are in a very difficult situation, and this will take time for you to move on from. Hopefully in time your ex will still be able to consider you a friend. You have to be true to your self to be happy and honest with your ex as you have been, this may have hurt her deeply but it is better than to continue living in a way that is not right for both of you. You are freeing your self but you are also freeing her as well to find her own future happiness, and hopefully she will come to see this as well.
*Hugs* Shannon hope things get easier for you in time.

[AlohaShannon]

I am so thankful to have found this forum and been able to receive such fantastic support! I have nobody to talk to about any of this from the perspective you all have. This has been so rewarding for me to interact with you, get support during my journey, and be able to learn more about myself. And not to minimize the comments from all my new guy friends here, but getting a woman's perspective was also super helpful, thanks Jaxx!

THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

[Mark]

Sometimes its nice just to have somewhere to rant

[Jaxx37]

That's the great thing about this forum - there's such a genuine support network It's always good to get other folk's perspective on these things. Stay strong my friend - we're all here for you if you need us!

X