HELP! My peace of mind is in jeapordy!

[JLee14]

Hey guys, just joined this site in the hope of gaining some perspective from other gay guys on the subject of Friends with Benefits. Any and all responses are greatly appreciated! I know this is a long post but I'm desperate for advice and would GREATLY APPRECIATE any response.

Here it goes. I've been seeing this guy for about a year and a half now and to be honest, our "relationship" has been confusing me recently. We met on ****** after he got out of a long term relationship, so I understood that his romantic life just went through the ringer and at the time he wasn't looking for a relationship. That was fine with me because I wasn't looking for a relationship at that time either. I'd go over to his house, hang out and watch something on Netflix, and we'd make out and get into some oral but it always stopped at oral for some reason. It wasn't until a few months ago that we started going all the way.

In October of 2013 we went out in public for the first time and saw a show together. It was great, I had fun and I'm pretty sure he did too, as we've done it numerous times since. I bought him dinner before one of the shows, which to me (in my infinite naivety) sounds like a date. He's said that he would go to dinner and a movie with me which, again, sounds like a date.

We meet up at least once a week, sometimes twice a week. I spend the night at his house after we have sex and we cuddle and he'll grab my hand and hold it for a while. Also, we don't fool around every time we hang out. Sometimes we just talk, watch what he called "our shows," cuddle, hold hands, and fall asleep. Sometimes, because of my work schedule, I can't spend the night. Before leaving one time after we had sex he said, "I guess you got all you wanted." I responded by saying, "If all I wanted was the sex, I wouldn't go to shows with you and I sure as hell wouldn't have bought you dinner," to which he responded with a simple, "Good." He's called me "hun" before and I thought pet names or whatever were a big no-no in the world of FWB but I could be wrong.

He talks to me about other guys he's hooked up with which bothers me to no end, and in the past has even talked to other guys while I'm with him, which is extremely off-putting and rude in my opinion. It's sh*t like that that makes me question everything.

It's really hard for me to think about him being with other guys, because secretly I want him to only want to be with me. I think about him every single f*cking day but I don't know whether or not he does the same. I'm at a crossroads in that I want to speak up and say something to him about this but at the same time, I'd rather not screw it all up and not have him at all.

Anyone have any thoughts on what our "relationship" may or may not be or any advice on what I should do?

[jogu656]

well "friends with benefits" is a dangerous thing because while one enjoys it as is the other falls in love and confuses why hes in that situation to begin with, in my experience it happened as you described, except I fell for mine but he didn't with me, my advice is enjoy it and let it be, usually when a guy knows hes got you they get comfortable and makes it easy to be themselves, talking about exes is normal, talking to new guys while he has you shows he is not interested in something serious maybe he feels he needs his adventurous side, some guys like to have a sure thing and also try new things. If you enjoy what you have then relax, breath and just focus on your time together, if you want him all to yourself well let him know but I too feel it might ruin what you have, some guys don't like to be told what to do or is best for them, as men we love to make our own decisions so you have to really weigh your options and the consequences

[Cuddly]

Talk to him. Tell him what you'd like from this relationship and leave him alone if he doesn't want the same. It sounds like he wants you, maybe not exclussively. Hookups don't go on dates, as far as I've understood. Maybe the talking to others is him fishing for a reaction from you. Just communicate.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Only you and he know where the relationship is heading.

Sit him down and ask him. After 18 months together, the FWB has clearly moved beyond the normal FWB boundaries and your perfectly entitled to openly ask about how he feels about taking the relationship beyond the FWB stage and into something more meaningful.

The worst thing that can happen is that he says no and he's happy to continue as is.

ObW
X

[Letmar]

Hi JLee14,

This is an awkward position you are in mate! No! wait... awkward doesn't even begin to describe it... painful and dangerous would be two better terms...

You clearly fell for this bloke without intending to, you said it yourself, things have sort of evolved from "f buddies" to "date"... you weren't looking for it, but it happened!

The ugly truth is (in my humble opinion) you have been the rebound guy, he has moved on from his old relationship, but is still trying to have as much fun as he can before committing again...

I'm sure this thought has crossed your mind before... regardless, your heart has already committed to him, without consulting it with your brain first... and you will end up hurt regardless... (stupid heart... tends to do these sort of things)

My advice would be to grab your balls like a man, obtain courage from under the stones if necessary... and speak up!

Not for him, but for you! You need to tell him how this whole thing has evolved, take a step back and without any added sentiment, lay the cards on the table... you managed to do it with us, now do it with him...

In my opinion, he won't accept it, and yes, he will most likely stop seeing you as often, if at all... but at least you stop investing your life and feelings in someone that won't reciprocate them... also, you can start healing and looking for other wonderful guys that WILL come your way!