02-04-2014, 09:02 PM
I just want things to change so bad. At the moment, there really aren't many opportunities for me to try new things, and I don't sense even the slightest bit of promise in the near future. It's really hard for me to meet new people, and I'm starting to realize that the friends I have right now kind of drive me crazy. I don't want to get rid of them mind you, I just need better influences in my life to balance things out, but I haven't had much luck so far.
This is really driving me insane, I feel like I have little control over my life, my self-esteem frequently plummets, and I feel like I can't do anything right. It's always felt like that actually, that I just can't grasp what normal people master so easily, so I made up for it by excelling in things that normal people can't; I became fluent in another language, and I traveled a lot at a very young age. I even first came out while abroad, but that's all said and done, I'm back now, and I'm once again surrounded by people, most of them younger than I am, who are further ahead of me in terms of friends and relationships. It just makes me feel so loser-like, even though I know that I shouldn't think like that, but it's really depressing for me, I expected more of my life by now.
This is really driving me insane, I feel like I have little control over my life, my self-esteem frequently plummets, and I feel like I can't do anything right. It's always felt like that actually, that I just can't grasp what normal people master so easily, so I made up for it by excelling in things that normal people can't; I became fluent in another language, and I traveled a lot at a very young age. I even first came out while abroad, but that's all said and done, I'm back now, and I'm once again surrounded by people, most of them younger than I am, who are further ahead of me in terms of friends and relationships. It just makes me feel so loser-like, even though I know that I shouldn't think like that, but it's really depressing for me, I expected more of my life by now.