Can gay men be surprisingly fussy when choosing dates and partners?

[CASH]

I want somebody better than Me.

Someone who proves to Me how good Men really are.

And when He looks into My eyes - I hope He wonders how He got so lucky.

The rest of the stuff will just follow.

[showme]

I agree with those who say this is a human thing, not a gay thing. Look at all the TV shows where the schlubby guy gets the girl who looks like a supermodel. That sets up completely unreasonable expectations.

It's tough, because everyone has things they would prefer or not in a spouse. But there is no "the one," as Dan Savage says, just folks who you can round up to the one. Dating should be about having an open mind.

And I completely agree with Jimcrackcorn. When you've been with the same guy for as long as he or I have, you realize that while compatibilities are important, people change so much over time that the things you thought important at the beginning may be completely different than the things that keep you together over the years.

[BillandChuck]

Great googly moogly the characters brought through my door by my 20 year old!!!

Having four now-grown children, we can second that!

[LJay]

I n my particular case, I know that some of the fussiness arises from a game I have played with myself. Being afraid to blow my cover as gay, I would look at desirable guy and purposely concentrate on their worst features. It is a little like looking at a box of chocolates and sayin, "No, that one is dark, that one has nuts, that one has a filling I won't like...."

There is hope, however.

Today I was in the grocery and a fellow was there who was too tall. His haircut was very ordinary, his face was plain. His flip-flops were worn. His shirt was drab. His legs were thin. His expression was dull.

You guessed it. I would have jumped him in a New York minute had the opportunity arisen.

Was I being fussy, or was I trying to protect myself from exposure/deal with my disappointment at not being able to have what I wanted?

Needless to say, I did not discuss any of this with him or his girlfriend who was there also.

[Pix]

I don't think you know a lot of straight guys that well. What I've noticed is that many of them are very much concerned with how a woman looks (size, fitness, even color of hair). 'Course others will screw anything that holds still long enough just like gay men. Likewise, plenty of gay men are laid back and not so fussy. Naturally, anyone (regardless of gender and orientation) who keeps themselves in good condition and looking good is prone to demanding others also keep high standards (not that this is always true).

Straight guys can also be fussy with other straight guys but not always with women because, well, we don't really matter other than a breeding unit/sex machine/looking good (plenty of women are also measure other women this way as well) with everything else secondary, and therefore it doesn't really matter what we do as long as our primary function is lived up to while the guys will still challenge other guys on their reading material, choice of games, intelligence, etc.

Though it is funny how many men seem desperate for a woman but will only accept the "perfect girl" when he himself is far from perfect and doesn't understand why the few he pursues get restraining orders against him. Hopefully, I'd still find guys like that pathetic if I were straight rather than rend my garments (and buy more cosmetics) that he wouldn't consider me. Or that I'd myself would pine over the "perfect guy" and upset that he ignored me while I myself ignored so many others who were interested in me (who perhaps felt the same way about me being fussy as I did about him).

[happyschizoid]

Some are very fussy and some just don't care. I can attest to some not caring because they went out with me.

[VidasParalelas]

And most of those fussy people spend their lives alone.

[Jake]

And most of those fussy people spend their lives alone.

Not really... Because people changes. What you were at 18 will be so different when you'll reach 36 and you're going to look back at your life and many of your standard would have changed.

In a previous post I have written what kind of men I was into.
Today I am not interested in Asian male - but 10 years ago I was (in fact they were my greatest interest)
Today I would not date an EMO - but 15 years ago I would have
Today I would not date an effeminate dude - 11 years ago my dude was pretty effeminate and into cross-dressing
Today I am married to a dude - 20 years ago I would have never thought I'd love someone enough to go against my vision of marriage and further more not to a guy.

I did say that I'm pretty strict in my choice of partner, I AM because I experimented a lot - I am not going to say no until I try. Right now and for the last 9 years I have been with my dream dude. Physically, he had everything I wanted, but I had no idea how it would turn out mentally.

And neither did he knew how it was going to turn out either. He was 19, I was 29, he was starting its life. I already had a good run. He had a real bad heartbreaking relationship that he couldn't get off his mind, I had already 3 plus one death of a girlfriend/best friend.

He was completely OUT, I wasn't. he's a hopeless romantic... I hate to be continually touched (but now being touched by him... I don't mind).

He is a very good looking dude and somehow I thought he would be shallow about it, while in fact I noticed that I was much shallower then he was and god knows he looks better than I do.

My 19 years old boyfriend, is now 27 going on 28, I am today 38 (was 37 yesterday LOL), he became a surgeon, I became a doctor in anthropology working in IT technology and we still act like stupid teenagers and that's what kept our couple alive... we have lowered our standards as life thought us both that more we restrict one another, far from happiness we get

Things change... your standards of yesterday may not be those of your future... Accept the fact that you're an ever changing individual and that whom you were yesterday is already evolving day by day, minutes by minutes, year by year.

[East]

I had a lot of specific things...a long list actually...and I was fussy as hell..but not about looks. The guy's looks were not on my long list of "stuff".....

Funny thing though...I had a huge crush on Katharine Ross when I was a teenager. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen...I was very attracted to her. One day after many years together....while looking at my lover... I noticed he was the male version of Katharine Ross....a lot of similarities with the hair/eyes/skin tone/bone structure/temperament/vibe.......

I swear I didn't plan it that way.....