Taking a poll on remaining friends with exes

[wtm]

I am stuck having to decide whether to stay "friends" with my ex bf of a year & a half. We've been apart for about 7 weeks now. I love & want him back but he is seemingly "content" with giving me up & it's "normal" for him to remain friends so he's open to doing that. We've only been in touch mainly because I've contacted him occasionally. I tried getting more clarity on why he broke it off the other night but he downplayed all three reasons he'd given me originally so idk what the real reason is/was. That I'd need to know before seeing him as a friend but I would only do so as a way to hopefully reconcile.

Everyone has a different opinion on this but what do you think the chances of ever reestablishing a relationship with an ex by remaining friends? Thoughts anyone? Thanks!

[EvenOlderButWiser]

There is nothing wrong with establishing a friendship with an ex, however this should, in my opinion, only be established after a suitable break in time has occurred post breakup.

If you jump into a ""friends" relationship too soon then it can become too difficult to emotionally disengage from the relationship. It can also come over as clingy, and worst of all may subconsciously send you the message that he will see the error of his ways and re-establish the former relationship. You could even end up in a FWB situation which will leave you unable to move on and find a new bf.

My advice would be to wait at least 6 months before reaching out and seeing if there is a desire to establish a friendship. That should give you both enough time to move on romantically and emotionally.

ObW
X

[jogu656]

Im friends with my ex, we've been friends for 2 years, its a great friendship, nothing sexual or inappropriate happens, what we had sexually has been forgotten, of course it was easy for us because the love we have for one another is that of friends and its mutual, we date and their is no jealousy or any harm towards each other, I think its important to establish the feelings before attempting a friendship because some people don't lose the love of a partner and therefore conflict arises from confusion of emotions and well jealousy is a bad enemy, if you cant watch an ex date or be happy without feeling angry, jealous, or hurt then most definitely a friendship wont ever work.

[Cuddly]

Being friends with him is going to be difficult for you, if you want him back. When he doesn't want you back, you'll be hurt. I think you should accept that he didn't want you as a partner anymore and move on, to protect yourself.

[Wolfpack]

Nothing wrong with continuing to just be friends. Some relatives of mine were married for many years, then divorced and still remained the closest of friends after would. Just be aware of you feelings and make sure you can be friends and not continue to want more than he can give you.

[CellarDweller]

I've remained friends with some of my exes.

Given how you feel, I would tell him straight out that for you, right now, being just friends hurts too much. In time that may change, but for now, you need your space.

[writerbry]

Out of everyone I ever dated, I remained friends with one ex and he's my best friend. All the rest ended very poorly and a lot of times if it ends badly, I'd rather just cut contact.

[Brett240]

If you want him back, I think that at this point a friendship won't work. You need space and time to let it go and move on. It only works if you're both on the same page. I recently heard from an ex I hadn't spoken to in 8 months. He said he really wanted to be friends. But within a week, there was so much friction that we had a huge argument. I realize now that there were unresolved issues on both sides. I have another ex whom I've remained friends with, but we've made it a rule not to talk about our past relationship and what went wrong. Everyone is different. Maybe give yourself a little time.

[East]

I think if the friendship happens naturally then it is fine but if you force it then what you have might not be a "friendship".........

[wtm]

If you want him back, I think that at this point a friendship won't work. You need space and time to let it go and move on. It only works if you're both on the same page. I recently heard from an ex I hadn't spoken to in 8 months. He said he really wanted to be friends. But within a week, there was so much friction that we had a huge argument. I realize now that there were unresolved issues on both sides. I have another ex whom I've remained friends with, but we've made it a rule not to talk about our past relationship and what went wrong. Everyone is different. Maybe give yourself a little time.

I don't think he is certain of his decision to break up but is also uncertain about a previous ex he recently heard from which obviously complicates matters. So my dilemma is whether to not be friends & cease all contact (hoping he'll change his mind) OR deal with a "friend" mode situation in hopes of that resulting in us reconciling in the future (& risk getting "stuck" there!).