A little freaked out after 1st experience

[EvenOlderButWiser]

As long as it was safe sex with a condom, then you have nothing to worry about. For your own peace of mind get tested in a couple of weeks.

Don't worry about BA, his bark is worse than his bite

ObW
X

[Frosty]

Thanks for the help all. If you read enough crap on the internet you feel like unless you're having sex with a body condom and bubble wrap, you'll get every nasty out there. In this case , a condom was definitely used and remained in tact. Also the guy insisted beforehand, I took it as a good sign. My gut tells me it'll all be ok then my conscious kicks in and lists all the worst case scenarios. I did this and should have thought it through. However 20-25 years of "urges" are also hard to suppress. In a weird way, I feel relieved. It was actually an awesome experience. Out of respect for my family, one I won't repeat. However still something to remember.

[DanSimons499]

I've been told by my Biology professor, who is wise, witty and funny in many ways, that HIV can only be contracted from people who actually have it. You can only get it from people that have been infected with HIV, who get it from other people, or bacteria or other animals in some other form...not really sure. However, I am certain that if both people don't have HIV/AIDS, then neither of you can get it at all. HIV/AIDS can't be randomly generated during sex; one person has to have it.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Don't worry about BA, his bark is worse than his bite

The only reason why my bark is worse than my bite online is because I can't mom slap the back of heads of as many people as I would like to through my monitor.... gods know I try... :tongue:

I laid out the real problem there. There really isn't a worry about getting HIV. You are far, far more worried that you may bring something home to explain to the wife.

It is that aspect of this that is causing you to 'freak out' over essentially nothing.

My gut is telling me that if you were not a married man, this whole thing wouldn't frighten you as much as its doing.

Yes there is a risk - albeit a minor one. Thus I suggested RNA testing, its the faster and most reliable test - discuss this with your doctor as to the details.

This is not a morals question, its a question of psychology. Yes I hit the nail on the head - and I'm telling you why you are freaking out right now. I'm also trying to give you helpful tips to resolve the conflict of your needs versus your marriage.

Each time you go out behind her back you are going to freak out and come crying to some board or another asking 'Did I get HIV/Syphilis/Gonorrhea/Etcetera? Your panic is abnormal due to this extra stress of 'being caught'.

Yeah I know, you are in the closet - way too many 'straight men' seeking 'discreet' romance on the side are in the closet. Many of them panic just like you did.

I just wanted to hold up a mirror for you, to have someone tell you what you most likely already know is going on to help you get perspective on your anxiety over potentially catching HIV. Everyone else told you 'not a real risk in that'. I bet every web site from WebMd to Ask.com said virtually the same thing.

This is not a physical issue, this is a psychological one, one that you need to address and resolve THAT married/cheating/potentially being caught via a sexually transmitted disease - especially since she appears to be a bit on the cool side when it comes to the bedroom so there is no real chance of picking it up from her.

And I pretty much guessed that this is along term relationship where the passion has cooled to nearly nothing. It happens to nearly all relationships/marriages. Ask any marriage counselor what the second biggest issue is for marriages (Money is first).

IDK - maybe consider marriage counseling?

[Frosty]

BA, you must be in the mental health profession because you are indeed insightful to my situation. I've been doing a lot of analysis on what really is bothering me. As you astutely noted, my fears really transcend a true fear of disease. However, rather than a fear of my being caught, what is truly keeping me up at night is the fear of being 'outed'. I've been married a long time and both sex and money (another one dead on!) have been huge issues. Unfortunately things went from bad to to worse so in a twisted way I justified my infidelity. In this case I viewed it as more exploratory in nature. As far as my marriage goes, I'm guessing it will play out the way it will. I've suggested counseling, medical testing, etc. It is what it is and may be beyond repair. Although the experience in itself, it was a very erotic and pleasurable experience, it fulfilled the need to know. Regardless of my marriage's future, I'm not ready for an outright lifestyle change. Hence the fear of being outed. The consequences would be rough.

[Frosty]

Not sure of my last post made it through. BA, you are very insightful. You must be in the mental health field. Although you are dead on as my concerns are less about an STD. However, I'm also less concerned about my infidelity to come out than I am about being "outed". Although this experience was more exploratory in nature, I realize cheating is cheating. Back to the midlife crisis. I felt time is running out. Given my current relationship has gone from bad to worse on the intimacy front, I irrationally justified it in my mind. Now, after the fact, wracked with guilt, anxiety and confusion, my ultimate fear is that I am outed which would have severe consequences extending well beyond my marriage. Although the experience was erotic and pleasurable, I do not foresee a lifestyle change. Therefore, my closet desires need to stay where they are...hidden.

[JWS]

Always stay safe no matter what! and go and get tested there honestly not that bad. It's better to be safe than sorry. I didn't wear protection with the first guy I was with and was mad that I did that afterwards so I got checked and all was fine now I have safe sex no matter what or who it's with.