Hey, so I've been seeing this guy for about two months now, around two weeks ago he told me he just thought of us as great friends and nothing more. Which is fine, I can't change that. The confusing thing is he is still texting me every day, telling me I'm incredible and that he likes me and then if I say something similar back he'll go quiet. Last weekend we decided to head out to a local gay bar to have a dance and maybe meet some new people as we're both pretty low key and trying to be more social. Throughout the night he was pretty handsy, holding my hand, touching my back, neck etc. It was great and I loved it but when I'd go to the bathroom or to get a drink he'd be chatting up other guys. I'm not the jealous type but for some reason I saw red and got so mad (I didn't make a scene, just kind of walked around until he found me again). Then at the end of the night in the taxi ride home he grabbed my hand and it felt good so I went with it. When we got back to our friends place we crashed in bed on separate sides, but after laying there for about five minutes he said 'cuddle me' stupidly I did and we spent the night just cuddling, kissing and sleeping in each others arms - the strange thing is though that he told me he'd never sleep, let alone sleep cuddling with another guy unless it's a partner - Now it's a few days later and he's still texting me every day but he's just told me he's going on a date this friday with a guy he met at the club. I don't understand how someone could act so loving and gentle towards someone without wanting more, I simply wouldn't do it to someone I didn't like in that way. I kind of feel like I'm being taken on a ride and would like some advice on what to do as I'm new to dating, relationships etc.
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To me, this seems pretty simple: you're getting taken. That being said, some people are so petrified of falling for someone they're willing to put themselves at a distance while still being somewhat intimate: a way of having something without having to really have it, if that makes sense. However, in this guy's case, with the details you provided, I'd say he's being pretty harsh on you stringing you along. On some level he must know how you feel and that the reasons behind the split weren't entirely mutual, meaning his actions now are totally inappropriate. If he broke up with you, he shouldn't behaving like this: it shows a blatant and insulting disregard for you and your feelings.
My advice to you is don't keep this bottled up: express your feelings to him clearly. Regardless of what he says, you'll be better off for making your feelings known. Also, if he accepts responsibility and changes the way he acts around you, you've set boundaries and started a good friendship. If he doesn't, you can remove this toxin from the system that is your life. My advice to people is pretty much always the same: figure out what you really feel, how you want to say it, then express those feelings to the person. You seem like a sweet and sensitive guy. Best of luck! 
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You shouldn't tell him what you wrote here. Ask him why he give you a sign and after that he escape.
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I agree with what has been said, you need to not allow anybody to play with your emotions, he has no consideration for you he lift you up then drops you, I don't know him but I dislike what hes doing, I say set up boundaries and explain that what he is doing you wouldn't do with a friend, also I think its time you date too so you can text him about it, I hope he gets jealous haha, but seriously just don't allow yourself to be mislead or confused. Withhold your affection for someone who earns it and deserves it.
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To be honest I hate this kind of dudes more than the ones who blatantly cheat, at the end, they know they cheated, they know they did wrong, these dudes play you for all you're worth and in the end they play it like they never lead you on, like they didn't do anything wrong, like they didn't had the control of the situation, put a break on it, don't reply to his messages the minute they get to you like I know you do, don't let him touch you or sweet talk you in to do what he wants, put a stop and let him know that if he says he wants a friend, that's all he can get if he wants something more he has to say it straight, and stop playing this stupid games.
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The best thing you can do is be honest with him about your feelings on the situation. If you don't like him being romantic/sexual toward you when all he wants is "friendship," tell him that! You certainly shouldn't put yourself in the position of being hurt by accepting his romantic advances. No offense, but it sounds like he's using you as a filler while he looks for someone. You don't deserve that. Never settle!
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GOOD LORD MAN - HE WANTS YOU TO BE HIS WINGMAN! He was 100% honest with you about his feelings toward you. IT IS YOU WHO IS PROJECTING YOUR FEELINGS AND DESIRES ON HIS BEHAVIOR!
My advice? Either GROW UP and count yourself lucky to have an HONEST friend who can snuggle with you and NOT have sex with you, or, cut off all contact and wrap yourself up in self pity and join the growing chorus of bitter queens who've been VERY POLITELY rejected.
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BobInTampa Wrote:GOOD LORD MAN - HE WANTS YOU TO BE HIS WINGMAN! He was 100% honest with you about his feelings toward you. IT IS YOU WHO IS PROJECTING YOUR FEELINGS AND DESIRES ON HIS BEHAVIOR!
My advice? Either GROW UP and count yourself lucky to have an HONEST friend who can snuggle with you and NOT have sex with you, or, cut off all contact and wrap yourself up in self pity and join the growing chorus of bitter queens who've been VERY POLITELY rejected.
His friend may have been honest about his feelings verbally, yes... BUT, his friends physical actions are leading him on by kissing all over him, holding his hand romantically, etc. Those are not things that happen in a "normal friendship." If that works for you and whoever you're with great! But obviously that isn't the case here.
You sound like one of these "bitter queens" you speak of. Why do you have to bring so much hate into a forum filled with positive reinforcement and general concern for others well-beings?
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BobInTampa Wrote:GOOD LORD MAN - HE WANTS YOU TO BE HIS WINGMAN! He was 100% honest with you about his feelings toward you. IT IS YOU WHO IS PROJECTING YOUR FEELINGS AND DESIRES ON HIS BEHAVIOR!
My advice? Either GROW UP and count yourself lucky to have an HONEST friend who can snuggle with you and NOT have sex with you, or, cut off all contact and wrap yourself up in self pity and join the growing chorus of bitter queens who've been VERY POLITELY rejected.
Nope, I have friends who I'm "wingman" with the first rule for a wingman is to be sure the other person isn't attracted to you, my "wingman" friends and I go to watch movies, play smash bros, get together to go clubbing and it's a general consensus that if someone meets somebody he can go with his new beau without any drama, or we come to each other rescue when the guy in question wasn't all that awesome.
You know how we established all this? talking and being "straight" and honest, so nope your rhetoric doesn't work, thank you.
Atte. "The Bitter Queen."
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Thanks guys - This is reinforcing what I was thinking/feeling. I guess the problem is that I haven't had these feelings in a very long time and will have a hard time letting them and the thought of him go, but if he doesn't want to commit then I'll just be unhappy for even longer until he finds someone else. Really, thanks for all of your advice.
and BobInTampa - As we say in Australia 'rack off' this forum has no room for cynics or buttheads. If he wanted a wingman he would've used me as one instead of waiting til I was out of sight to hit on other guys.
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Unsure and Confused
