How to break up with my long time partner without hurting him?

[TwisttheLeaf]

Did you happen to start taking a medication like Paxil about the same time your feelings started changing towards your partner?

I ask because, I have a friend who was put on an anti-anxiety medication a few years ago. She is not the type of person to be uncaring, let alone callous. And yet, while on this medication, that's exactly what she became. She no longer loved her longtime partner. She no longer cared who she hurt.

She sounded, quite frankly.... A LOT like you do in this thread. Callous. Selfish. Cruel because of careless disregard for others.

If you have gone on medication in the past few years, you may want to consider going OFF the stuff before you destroy 7 years worth of building a life with someone you keep saying that, at one time, you -did- love.

[Uneunsae]

Excellent point. I was on anti-depressants for a time and they made me emotionless.

[Camfer]

For the person above me - I cannot answer you, because I don't know the answer myself. I don't know what happened.

This question of "what changed" and aspects of answering it are what you would explore in counseling. The counselor has no vested interest in keeping you guys together.

Earlier you said there was no reason you fell out of love. That to me indicates an unwillingness to look at some aspects of you as an individual and also the two of you as a couple. There really is stuff worth exploring here, so you don't end up in the same situation at age 35, again at 42, etc.

If it takes the thought that you're going to counseling for your partner's sake with nothing to explore about you, I guess it's good whatever it takes to get you in the room. Any counselor worth his weight in salt is going to help you to look at things freshly. You might learn something about yourself. There could be some insight that will serve you well. You probably stand to gain the most from the process if you go with an open heart and an open mind.

I wish you good luck and lots of clarity.

[swalter]

I think you owe it to both him, and you, to try and work things out before calling it quits. You've made it to 7 years and, what a surprise, you're going through the "7 year itch". Go to couple's counseling, get to the bottom of the problems, and try to work it out. What you're about to do is a huge thing, and you should really think it through before pulling the trigger.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I used light antidepressant last year, because I had some troubles with my family. But I used it very little time, maybe about month, and it wasn't any kind of strong medicine, just something to get my mood up a little. At that time everything was still ok between me and him.

[Bluelight]

Well, in response to the title of this thread, you don't. Even life-long singles like myself know that it doesn't work like that, but if you feel like leaving this guy would be best for you in the long run, then that's probably what you should do.

[obroin]

I've been your Ex. My BF ended it with a bull shit excuse. believe me - be honest with your thoughts and feelings. If he is as you say - so wonderful to you he deserves that at least. so my advice - grow a pair and speak your truth. Let him begin the process of finding the right person for him - which is clearly not you.

[justasimpleguy]

I strongly advise you to seek couples' counseling. Do not tell him you want to break up. Be sure you want to throw away this relationship, because you may never get it back. If you break up your partner will go though a serious shock, and probably freak out, and rightly so. He is loosing the most important person in his life. If you change your mind midway through you will have lost your partner forever.