Hi Guys:
Me and my partner have been together for 2 years. He is 56 and I am 38 years old. Even though there are 18 years difference between the 2 of us, we get along very well. We are in a monogamous relationship since day one. The only issue we have had is the lack of sexual contact. (and I said "We" because I think the issue is for both)
As every couple at the beginning of our relationship sex was great and frequent. 6 months after we moved together he started to be less and less interested in sex. We have spoke a bit and he says is his age. He takes pills to get an erection and I am completely ok with that. For the last year, the frequency of our sexual contact has been less frequent. Maybe 1 time every 1.5 months? and it does not last more than probably 20 min. I have learned to ask for sex in a politely nice kindly way. The problem is that if I don't ask it never happens. He is just not interested seems like he is not interested.
Please advice
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Posts: 1,323
Threads: 6
Joined: Jul 2010
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: 
Capricorn
Mood: None
I truly know how you feel...
At around the age of 56 or 57,,, my husband started loosing interest in sex also. this occurred at about the same time he started experiencing erectile disjunction. He was still willing to please me, but it just wasn't the same as when we gave pleasure to each other mutually.
This is where I have to admit that I made a major compromise in order for the relationship to continue. I slowly gave up on asking for sex after a couple of years,,, and our relationship became sexless and has been that way for almost 18 years now.
I realize this is not comforting news,,,, and I'm not suggesting that you follow the route I took,,,, it's just an example of how a situation like this turned out for me.
On a brighter note, my husband and I still sleep in the same bed, we hold & kiss each other, and most importantly --- we share our lives together.
Sincerely,
Jim
•
Agree with everything Bowyn Aerrow said. Your partner needs to speak with his doctor - you said he is taking meds for erectile dysfunction, I assume you mean something like Cialis or Viagra - but lack of interest in sex can come from a whole different physiological process. And excellent advice to stay away from the otc stuff, his doctor is the one to handle this.
•
Ok, i'm 52 and will speak from FIRST HAND knowledge! Taking a pill to help get an erection does NOT address the issue of libido! Lack of libido is a clear indicator of low testosterone. A simple blood test will tell him (and you) if he needs to take testosterone to improve his libido and energy. I took "T" for almost 6 months because mine was VERY low - and i also had lost interest in sex - which was VERY UNLIKE Me - and my partner knew it too.
Within a month of being on treatment i felt so much better and my mind and body reacted much more like "normal" when the even the idea of sex with my partner came up.
Ok, that's just part of the solution. For me and my partner, PORN was a great addition to keeping sex a big part of our relationship. Now, barely a day goes by when we're NOT looking at porn online! We watch it together and webcams and it's fun to talk about the guys we see, what they are doing and how we feel about it. Trust me, the VISUAL stimulation of porn is almost as important as treating low-T!
Bottom line? He MUST get his testosterone checked or NOTHING you say or do will change how he (or his body) reacts to your sexual advancements! The only other option is to make your relationship "OPEN" so you can have your sexual needs met. Otherwise, you're going to get more and more angry and frustrated with the lack of sexual intimacy. DON'T LET IT GET TO THAT POINT!
•
You have to admit that your partner is getting old. Problems like this are common in his age.
•
Whose issue is it? Sounds like everyone wants 'the partner' to increase his T level so that he wants sex. Perhaps he doesn't. Shouldn't he be asked if he wants to try?
•
Testosterone is not a magic bullet either. There are some serious side effects, including a dramatically increased risk of heart attack. So approach every solution with caution. Having said that, 56 is a bit young to be completely losing one's sex drive. But the issue might just as easily be psychological as it is physical. Some men who are dealing with impotence find themselves questioning their value as partners and subsequently close down to sexual stimulation, even when chemical reversal is available. In other words...this is a very complex issue and one which needs to be investigated on all levels by a competent physician and with involvement from both of you. More than anything, make sure that your partner knows that you are there for him.
•
Hi.
Appreciate your advice. I guess I'm the one, at 38 has to gave up having sex with them I love and trade that for a life together. Just today.....after 2-3 moths I was really wanting to have sex with him. I expressed it literally. He even took the cialis pill. He showered. I did. Then he just avoided the whole thing: going to the store. Watching a game...I felt so embarrassed and stupid that we argued about it and I left for 4 hours just sitting in my car thinking and thinking and feelin like shit. I will make a sedition on what is what I want. But he needs to make a sedition on either seeing a doctor to help him with his lack of sexual desire or let me play on the side. I don't know what's best now since I'm concussed
•
