I'm in love with my best friend

[mnguy18]

Title pretty much sums it up. We met when we were 15 at work. From the first day it showed the signs of a great friendship. We're both 19 now and we're still best friends, we'll be roomates in college this year. Anyway, i've slowly been falling in love with this guy for four years. He always tells me what a great friend i am, but i want to be more than that although i cherish his friendship greatly. I know he's straight and this is a lost cause. He talks about his girlfriend all the time and he's in love with her. It hurts to hear. We drink together a lot, and we can talk about anything together. Last night we were drinking and he was feeling self concious about his size, so he asked me to compare with him, "no homo" as he always says haha. I think that showed a lot about our friendship, we can discuss anything and not worry about anyone finding out because we trust each other so much. It's killing me inside a little bit, i love him so much but i love him even more as a friend because i know this cant go anywhere. If i lost the friendship i would want to die, hes my best friend. I guess i dont really know what im asking, i just needed to write this. Advice i guess.

[Borg69]

I know what you're going through. I couldn't tell you how many one sided "in love"/crush/infatuation/obsessions I've had with straight co-workers/friends, hoping for some magical planetary alignment where they feel the same way back. I felt like I would have given them the world if they'd let me, and they barely knew I existed.

It's a rough place to be, and as many stories like this I've heard of, maybe 1 in 1,000 ends up a happy ending. Sometimes you'll get one drunken night together and then he never speaks to you again. I wish I had something more positive to tell you... I know how heartbreaking these can be.

My best advice would be to try to move on, and find someone who DOES feel the same way and can return those feelings back. You deserve it. Biology is telling you that you need to be with someone, and has attached itself to the closest guy you're with. You should re-direct that chemistry to a willing participant.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Biology is telling you that you need to be with someone, and has attached itself to the closest guy you're with. You should re-direct that chemistry to a willing participant.

This, right here.

You know your friend is straight. Sexual orientation is not a choice, you aren't going to be changing his mind on this.

If you want to keep him as a friend, a friend you admittedly cherish, then it's time to find someone who can accept (and return) the feelings you're seeking to give and receive.

[BlueStar]

Sounds painful, but if you value your friendship more than anything else, you might have no better choice than to get over your feelings. I know this is hard and needs a lot of time and will, but in the end it's better for both of you and your friendship may become stronger
wish you the best

[supasyd]

love is only good when both people are in being honest and being in love (the rest of the time it sucks). Your friend sounds honest, but if he's straight he's straight. This is harder because the more contact you have the stronger you feel, yet obviously you can't break contact with someone you care about, so be thankful for what you have (a great friendship). (:

[polfsky]

Does he know you're gay? If he does and he's still best friend with you, he's really a keeper. I know it's heartbreaking knowing you can't go any further than that, but it's still a really valuable friendship to cherish.

Consider yourself blessed. I really wish I find such a best friend.

[ETOTE]

Does he know you're gay? .

^this.



If you guys are best friends and you love him more as a best friend or like a brother, you may want to consider opening up to him some day in the near future about your sexuality. You don't have to tell him all about you having feelings for him, but I would want someone I love even in the platonic sense, to really know everything about me, especially if he's my best friend and like a brother.

I agree, him being open and honest with you about his insecurity in size and wanting to compare def shows a level of trust only close friends share.


Speaking from experience though as someone who has been in your friend's shoes more than enough times, if you do admit your feelings to him, it will not only make things awkward but very painful on both ends. Because if he cares about you as a best friend but does not have the same sexual interest or romantic feelings for you in return, it's difficult to bare those feelings of guilt knowing that every time you hang together, just him being around you causes you heartache.

It's not fair and I've felt horrible knowing there was nothing I could do to help because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't develop those same feelings for my situations. Ultimately I lost some really good friends because I either broke off the friendship or they did because the awkwardness, pain and guilt was too great and made things too complicated and stressful.

If you can, try to spend more time with other friends and maybe start dating other guys, possibly find a boyfriend, but add a little emotional distance from your friend just to decrease some of the intense feelings and tension. Don't ditch him completely, just give yourselves some space for awhile to ease those feelings a bit.

Good luck dude, keep us posted,

[mnguy18]

Thanks for the words everybody. No, he doesn't know i'm gay. As much as i just want to admit everything to him, i can't. He comes off as homophobic sometimes and he would probably be weirded out. I can't lose the friendship, he's my best friend and the only friend that keeps me going everyday. We hang out all day every day. Its the worst feeling in the world, but ill have to deal with it for the rest of my life.

[Malec]

Its the worst feeling in the world, but ill have to deal with it for the rest of my life.

I feel your pain. Back when I was in high school. I fell hard for my best friend. My exception was that he is gay. Didn't make it any easier. After awhile we flirted a lot and he admitted to having feelings for me as well. Unfortunately, it seems my feelings were stronger than his. Nothing really happened with us. But after much heart to heart with him, we grew apart saddly. Yes, it does suck. It's been a few years, but I still have feelings for him. They aren't as strong as they were, but they're still there. It takes time but eventually your feelings will grow weak for him.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You have a case of unrequited love.

The only treatment is time, or conversely to have had your hope killed enough times where you are less likely to foolishly hope that any given situation will change to meet your goals. Example: Straight men magically become gay.

Hope appears to be the cornerstone of your problem. You appear to have high hopes that he will stop having a girlfriend and start wanting to date dudes.

You also have high hopes that he will magically pick-up that you are a gay man and that contrary to the few examples you have witness, be totally accepting of that.

I fail to see how lying to a person and playing a deception is actually going to make situations like these better. If you ain't telling him your gay, then you are most likely to be doing everything in your power to convince him you are straight.

I have to wonder what it is inside of you that thinks that a good friend should first of all be lied to, and that keeping them around under false perceptions is better than them knowing the truth about you and accepting you for who and what you are.

Yes I understand rejection hurts, and most people do anything at all to keep from being rejected. However it is far, far better to know where you stand with a person than to keep running on hope and lies and all sorts of other stuff that isn't going to end well to keep from being rejected.

I hate to point this out, but you are expending a lot of time and energy to keep this fella in your life, which is taking you from a lot of potential situations where you can actually be with a fella who not only will accept that you are gay, but will also find that ideal since he will love you.

If your buddy here really is your friend, he will accept your homosexuality. If he doesn't accept that, if its so abhorrent to him that he doesn't want to be your freind, then he was never really your friend to begin with.

And the reality is that if he can't stand you for being gay, it may actually be the cure for your current state of unrequited love.

Being flat out rejected may hurt - a lot, but it also makes its far, far easier to stop hoping and wasting time on a person thus allowing you to move on and find another potential mate who has a chance of actually meeting your needs.