Need to get this guy out of my head! How?

[hasher22]

Hey guys,

I would like to say there are a lot helpful posts regarding individual situations and it's great to see an online community helping each other to bring out the best of us.

My background:
I am 26, living with my brother in Sydney. Came out when I was 24 and it's been great being surrounded with people that is accepting of my sexuality. Don't have to hide. I didn't know where to meet people when I came out, I have never been to any gay clubs at all. But would like to one day. So I thought I tried those gay apps, I have met over maybe 60+ guys since I have came out but one guy I have that 'school girl crush' on, even today.

Situation;
I met him about 1 year and 4 months ago, he messaged me on the app. I was dumbfounded on why a guy like him would message me. So we started talking, we had a lot of things in common, it was great. But it took 8 months for me to meet him for the first time! (Crazy huh). About 5 months into it, he got a boyfriend.

First day I met him, I instantly fell attracted to his looks and we started talking and we talked non-stop! I mean non-stop for about 3 hours about life, games, movies etc etc. It seems that I found someone so damn perfect, I couldn't believe it.

So I messaged him about 3 days later, we met a 2nd time, same area but got some dinner. Again, same scenario, spoke for hours non-stop. When I dropped him home, I tried to shake his hand, but he went for a hug instead which was so sweet. And he asked me if he can add me on his facebook, so I got my phone out and we added each other.

This is where it gets messy, just before Christmas 2013, we were chatting as per normal, and he doesn't know I have this major major crush, lust for him. I keep thinking about him, even today I still do. I kept messaging him if he wanted to go to movies, dinner, catch up etc etc. But he won't respond. It's something like this;

- First invite - No response
- 2nd invite - No response
- 3rd invite - Busy
- 4th invite - No response
- 5th Invite - busy
- 6th Invite - No response, now I am starting to get pissed off.
- 7th invite - No response

YET, he has the nerve to message me saying "hey how you going today?" as if I never asked him to meet up.

This is where I was dumbfounded, we were being great friends, everything was so good those first 2 meets but after the 2nd meet, he never wanted to meet me again? He broke up with his boyfriend just after christmas, but he still doesn't want to meet me?

So I messaged him on facebook, did a stupid thing when I was angry, wrote a message cussing and venting he never replies to my invites and it took me 8 months for the first meet. So I blocked him, deleted his number. Never heard from him.

Ok, now I did a stupid thing again, 1 month ago, I unblocked him and messaged saying sorry, lets be friends again. He agreed. He messaged me his number and everything was good. Now it's back to square one again, I invited him to come have dinner to catch up. No response again, so I waited 1 week, invited him again. No response to meet.

So I am back to the same situation, what do I do. I still have major feelings for this guy, but I don't want to tell him? Might ruin whatever we have...... advice? I really want to get him out of my head and start fresh with someone else.

Sorry for the novel.....

[Borg69]

Might ruin whatever you have? You have a guy on a pedestal who doesn't sound like the Prince Charming fantasy you're trying to force him into. I can relate... I've had plenty of crush/obsession/infatuations who were jerks that I believed walked on water. Some I still to this day secretly love, even though I haven't seen or heard from them in years.

It happens. That one that got away. While he might seem perfect for you, it's pretty clear he doesn't share the same sentiments. I'd keep him for fantasy jerk off material, and keep looking for someone who isn't so frustrating.

[supasyd]

sounds to me like he might still have feelings for his ex and you could be a rebound...it sure is familiar to me

[TwisttheLeaf]

Maybe it's time to --back off-- and make him come to you.

Stop inviting and just talk. Ask how he's doing, how things are going. TALK with him. Save the invites for later.

If it was me? I'd be a bit uncomfortable with all the invites when I've clearly been avoiding them. Granted, I'm far more abrupt and blunt and very much the type to say "I'm not ready yet" or whatever. But maybe he isn't. And if that's the case, the more you push? The more he'll back away.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

7 invites and no answer... I think, and this may be a really wild and outlandish thought here, that that may indicate a little lack of interest. Just a little, I mean its real hard to tell perhaps if you aim for 14 invites you might figure out what his silence means.

And that ability to ignore and then act like you didn't do the stalker thing and pester the crap out of him with so many invites is kinda scary in its own way. Scary for two reasons, one that you think nothing wrong in making seven requests, scary that he isn't creeped out about it enough to tell you to stop.

Its that doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results thing I guess.

He gave you his answer. Most likely been telling you in many ways what he really wants. You, however, are unwilling to accept the answer and are trying to make him change his mind.

The only way you can force a person to love you us to lock them up in the cellar and slowly torture them to see your point of view. I believe that is still considered illegal in most places on earth. So I wouldn't recommend doing that.... often.....

Ultimately you are going to have to accept that this 'relationship' ain't going to go anywhere and let it go.

Or get a really good criminal lawyer for the day you snap and resort of torture and kidnapping to make him love you....

[Uneunsae]

If some guy cussed me out for not answering his invites, I'd stay as far away from him as possible. There would never be relationship potential after something like that.

Sure, it was a little rude, but not everyone is direct in turning people down. Not everyone communicates the same way; meaning he might not operate from a viewpoint that he needs to formally turn down each invitation. I have a friend like this. I've learned to understand her way of communication and I never take anything personally. We've been best friends for 5 1/2 years.

[Wardo94]

Out of personal situations, me being the victim and as well as vice versa, it's best not to push him too much. There's obviously a reason he isn't responding the invites. It could anything but, for the meantime, it would be best if you just messaged him here and there, to see what he's up to, and don't being up any hanging out stuff. One thing for sure, is if he is interested as well, he will come to you. So just back off for a while, and see how things go, in terms of communication. As time goes on, you'll eventually find your answer.

[Virge]

Dude, the "magic" has to be a two way street and what you're going through is a one way street thing. The way you've reacted has pretty much made sure he'll never be apt to reciprocate. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear. As for telling you how to get him out of your head I'm unfortunately not the guy to give you advice but I wish I was.

I can tell you just because things didn't work out the way you wanted you shouldn't let yourself start getting into a "he screwed me over" attitude about it. Work on keeping the good memories and how he made you feel alive inside yourself. Don't become bitter about it.

I picked up on you being in Sydney and the time it took you meet up with this guy. I'm assuming there might have been a long distance issue involved. If by some chance he's from Brisbane or Gold Coast let me know. I've been traveling there 2 or 3 times a year for 5 years to be with my BF. Chances are we may know him if he's from there. He sounds like a game player and you're prolly better off without him really getting you into a "messy" drama.

The next time you meet a guy and feel 'the magic' don't make the same mistakes. I can't tell you to go slow because I damned sure didn't when I met my guy in Brisbane. I knew after 2 hours of talking I was going to do everything I could to make it easy for him to think it was his idea to make me fall for him. LOL. I don't give a crap who gets the credit for making who fall for who but it's fun to argue with him about it.

Don't give up and move on.

[hasher22]

Hey guys,

Thanks for the replies, yes I do agree. I am being a clingy nutcase but it started after the two meets not before the meets.

Update;
About 2 weeks ago (A few days after I said sorry when I sent the rant through facebook), he told me "We're going to hang soon, I miss your company". His words not mine but I am so confused now because he never wanted to meet just chat over the phone after the 2nd meet.

I said that's cool, so a few days later I was in his area to meet with a friend in the same area. I just casually messaged him and said
Me: "I am in the area, be good to catch up."
Him: "What time?"
Me: "About 9:30pm to 10:00pm I'll be free, so if were both free, would be great"
No reply........

Anyways, 6 days ago, I deleted his number out of my phone and I have no way of contacting him. To be honest, it's a great feeling. I still think of him everyday in a casual way, but I have no urges now of messaging him on facebook, nor instagram. I think because of all the rejections, I am up to the point where I 'feel' realised that I've done enough. Let it go brother! Let it damn go, I just want him out of my head that's all. : )

[hasher22]

I picked up on you being in Sydney and the time it took you meet up with this guy. I'm assuming there might have been a long distance issue involved. If by some chance he's from Brisbane or Gold Coast let me know. I've been traveling there 2 or 3 times a year for 5 years to be with my BF. Chances are we may know him if he's from there. He sounds like a game player and you're prolly better off without him really getting you into a "messy" drama.

Don't give up and move on.

Ahhhh thanks for the insight! Nope, he's not from QLD or GC. He actually lives 20 minutes away from me.

Lesson learnt, people do stupid stuff when they have a crush.

Edit: Other reply post getting approved.