I'm not sure if I know how to properly describe this, but I've been fairly confused about my sexuality for a fairly long time and I finally feel like I should actually look into it a bit more.
For the better part of a decade I have seen myself as somewhat bi, but preferring girls. For the most part I stick to women, but I occasionally have periods where I can't stop thinking about guys. When this happens I find girls sexually boring and find myself only being interested in guys. For some reason I can only really get off to more feminine and petite guys and feel strangely uncomfortable looking at other types while I am far more open when it comes to women.
The thing that I find really weird is how I feel far more in-tune with myself sexually when I am thinking more about guys rather than girls. For some reason I feel weird thinking about myself having sex with a girl and rarely fantasize about it. On the other hand I not only don't feel awkward thinking about having sex with a guy I tend to actually fantasize about having gay sex over having straight sex (This isn't exclusive to these periods, I tend to not really fantasize about having sex with girls at all.)
I have never understood why these feelings always happen in random spurts that just kind of fade away and why I always feel so much more in-tune with myself when I do happen to have these feelings. They usually last for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks and afterwards I usually stop thinking about guys all together, though this is starting to change. Over the past couple of years I have started to think about guys more often and the feelings seem to be a bit more stable.
I would love to know what you guys think and I hope I haven't been too long-winded. The whole thing feels rather complicated and I hope it's not too confusing. Thank you! 
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Damn, that is confoosing! 
While I haven't exactly had the same experiences as you, I can tell you, there is nothing wrong with you and although it may seem confusing, sexuality overall is very complex, and that's putting it mildly, imo.
Welcome to life. The cool thing is, you get to have fun exploring your sexuality and will have plenty of awesome experiences with some really cool, interesting people along the way.
Firm believer in that old adage: "life is a journey"
So I say: "grab your gps-enabled smart phone, blast some tunes and travel it well".
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Sounds to me like you're repressing a part of your sexuality and, by doing so, it's coming to bite you in the ass now and again.
Perhaps you should consider exploring dating (or just the occasional hook up, for that matter) with men. Do a little exploring and see where it leads, yeah? It doesn't sound like you're currently in a committed relationship with anyone, so it's an ideal time to do a little experimentation and see how it feels.
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You know, Huggy, as you are probably experiencing it now, the world around us bombards us with images of straight love, straight couples and straight relationships and it could just be that some of that brainwashing has rubbed off on you. If you've been wired to be attracted to guys, the sheer rarity of outlets for your feelings will have sent you packing back to the female crowd. So I'm guessing you have a pretty good connection with females, as friends, and maybe confidantes, ok, but not as sexual partners. That might indicate that you are more gay than you'd like to admit.
But you are coming to terms with it now, as you are seeking a way of affirming that part of yourself, which is your libido and sexual orientation.
Have you tried having a sexual encounter with a female partner at all? Are you not interested or even curious about it? Or have you tried it and still thought it left you frustrated or thinking the world had lied to you about the greatness of sex?
I'm saying that because my partner had that very experience. He felt he'd been cheated when he married his wife and attempted for many years to be who he wasn't supposed to be. It all came clear to him once he'd embraced his gay self. But it takes time and experience to tell you fully who you are.
Good luck finding that part of yourself. Remember, it's not the labelling that counts, but more the way you feel about being in a relationship with someone else.
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Huggy Wrote:I'm not sure if I know how to properly describe this, but I've been fairly confused about my sexuality for a fairly long time and I finally feel like I should actually look into it a bit more.
For the better part of a decade I have seen myself as somewhat bi, but preferring girls. For the most part I stick to women, but I occasionally have periods where I can't stop thinking about guys. When this happens I find girls sexually boring and find myself only being interested in guys. For some reason I can only really get off to more feminine and petite guys and feel strangely uncomfortable looking at other types while I am far more open when it comes to women.
The thing that I find really weird is how I feel far more in-tune with myself sexually when I am thinking more about guys rather than girls. For some reason I feel weird thinking about myself having sex with a girl and rarely fantasize about it. On the other hand I not only don't feel awkward thinking about having sex with a guy I tend to actually fantasize about having gay sex over having straight sex (This isn't exclusive to these periods, I tend to not really fantasize about having sex with girls at all.)
I have never understood why these feelings always happen in random spurts that just kind of fade away and why I always feel so much more in-tune with myself when I do happen to have these feelings. They usually last for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks and afterwards I usually stop thinking about guys all together, though this is starting to change. Over the past couple of years I have started to think about guys more often and the feelings seem to be a bit more stable.
I would love to know what you guys think and I hope I haven't been too long-winded. The whole thing feels rather complicated and I hope it's not too confusing. Thank you!
You're bi. It's pretty clear IMO.
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I'm not sure he's looking for a label, Arkansota... even if being bisexual is a 'comfortable' one. I think he's looking for something that will help him define what he feels and who he is, but it's really only real life experiences that will help him determine that. For the moment, he seems to be in that limbo of half way between what he's been taught he should like and what his fantasies lean him towards. It doesn't help to be sitting in between two chairs, or on the fence, at this stage. It would be nice to be on one side of the fence, or the other, but not in this no-man's-land of uncertainty. I mean, it's not just sexuality and sexual experience we're talking about here. It's also about relationships and who he can sustain them with.
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That thing about the media focusing on hetero couples affected me, for sure. I still have some feeling like I'm "supposed to" like girls. It's irritating.
I'm slightly curious so maybe I'll try it someday.
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Uneunsae Wrote:That thing about the media focusing on hetero couples affected me, for sure. I still have some feeling like I'm "supposed to" like girls. It's irritating.
I'm slightly curious so maybe I'll try it someday. It's not all that bad, but make sure you find the right partner to test it with. Maybe one who won't mind showing you the ropes, and who realises that your heart isn't totally in it.
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Yes, I will definitely be honest with her. 
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Uneunsae Wrote:Yes, I will definitely be honest with her.
Good man, it doesn't mean you have to find a prostitute, of course. A good "friend with benefits" would do the 'trick', so to speak.
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