I tend to thrive on defying stereotypes and society's bullshit, so for me, not having a clearly defined orientation, unless you want to go with the 'pan' label, has been incredible and amazing. Living a life of sexual ambiguity has been quite liberating, enlightening and full of rich and rewarding experiences with many partners and quite often multiple male and female partners together.
One of my most memorable and best experiences was my first threesome as a teen with two of my closest friends, a dude and a chick. All three of us explored each other and got all our "curiosities" out of our system. Sadly, my buddy that I had this experience with has since passed away (a very intense, tragic and short life)
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I have considered the idea that I have been repressing myself some, however I'm not sure this is what I'm doing since I do find women attractive. I've never actually crushed on a guy before either (then again, that could be because I'm not really letting myself crush on a guy perhaps). An odd thing I have thought for a while is that I actually want to be gay, but I'm actually not gay.
The idea of being brainwashed by the constant focus on straight relationships in the media and pop culture is something I haven't really thought about though and I think that it could actually have really messed with me and my perception on what I want (as brainwashing tends to do).
I actually have had some experiences with guys and girls. Oddly enough I have actually had more encounters with guys, though this is mostly due to me not having a lot of luck with girls. I have only hooked up with two guys and pretty much did everything there is to do with a guy save for actually have sex. I really enjoyed myself, but I felt a very strong sense of worry afterwards and was desperate to talk to a girl after I was finished with both guys. My experience with the girl I hooked up with also went pretty well, but I don't think she was as skilled as the two guys I had hooked up with.
Overall I feel like I probably need more experience with both genders, especially girls since I feel like I have had more time with guys. However I am also more submissive sexually which makes gay sex sound a lot more interesting and fun since girls tend to be very submissive as well... of course the kind of guys I like are also more submissive... I just can't win lol
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Huggy Wrote:I have considered the idea that I have been repressing myself some, however I'm not sure this is what I'm doing since I do find women attractive. I've never actually crushed on a guy before either (then again, that could be because I'm not really letting myself crush on a guy perhaps). An odd thing I have thought for a while is that I actually want to be gay, but I'm actually not gay.
The idea of being brainwashed by the constant focus on straight relationships in the media and pop culture is something I haven't really thought about though and I think that it could actually have really messed with me and my perception on what I want (as brainwashing tends to do).
I actually have had some experiences with guys and girls. Oddly enough I have actually had more encounters with guys, though this is mostly due to me not having a lot of luck with girls. I have only hooked up with two guys and pretty much did everything there is to do with a guy save for actually have sex. I really enjoyed myself, but I felt a very strong sense of worry afterwards and was desperate to talk to a girl after I was finished with both guys. My experience with the girl I hooked up with also went pretty well, but I don't think she was as skilled as the two guys I had hooked up with.
Overall I feel like I probably need more experience with both genders, especially girls since I feel like I have had more time with guys. However I am also more submissive sexually which makes gay sex sound a lot more interesting and fun since girls tend to be very submissive as well... of course the kind of guys I like are also more submissive... I just can't win lol
If you're fantasizing about screwing men and actually -getting off on it-?? Then it's not a want to be gay thing. You're attracted to men. Same for "doing things" with men and getting turned on as well as getting off on it.
From what you've said it seems more like you don't -want- to be gay/bi or are confused about bisexual attractions (which can be very confusing).
There are definitely dominant women out there. Some choose to "hide it" to be more socially accepted, but my sister's bi and with men she's definitely the more dominant partner. So they do exist.
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TwisttheLeaf Wrote:If you're fantasizing about screwing men and actually -getting off on it-?? Then it's not a want to be gay thing. You're attracted to men. Same for "doing things" with men and getting turned on as well as getting off on it.
From what you've said it seems more like you don't -want- to be gay/bi or are confused about bisexual attractions (which can be very confusing).
There are definitely dominant women out there. Some choose to "hide it" to be more socially accepted, but my sister's bi and with men she's definitely the more dominant partner. So they do exist.
Yeah, the more I really think about it the more it makes sense that I have actually been unconsciously been repressing my sexuality. The thing that has made that hard to believe for me is that I have always been a very open minded person and have been raised in a very open minded family.
The biggest thing that has always scared me about being intimate with guys is the idea that I will find out that I don't like them as much as I thought and end up being trapped with someone I'm not attracted to.
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Huggy Wrote:Yeah, the more I really think about it the more it makes sense that I have actually been unconsciously been repressing my sexuality. The thing that has made that hard to believe for me is that I have always been a very open minded person and have been raised in a very open minded family.
The biggest thing that has always scared me about being intimate with guys is the idea that I will find out that I don't like them as much as I thought and end up being trapped with someone I'm not attracted to.
That is something that may (or may not) happen, indeed, but the same would go with a straight relationship. It's a risk you'll have to take, at some point, if you want to move on.
Sometimes we get trapped into thinking that one given situation is the only opportunity we have of having a bit of fun and having a relationship, when there are other opportunities out there, but they are still waiting to happen. It all depends on your level of comfort with experimenting and being honest about the fact that you're just curious, for the moment, and not looking for a relationship.
Relationships don't just happen anyway. They start off tentatively ... you take a risk of being intimate and open with someone, you discover this could work, so you pursue it (sometimes)... then maybe, in the long run, there will be a bona fide relationship springing out of what was initially just a hook-up.
Some relationships develop out of a friendship. These are maybe easier to embark on. You think to yourself: "At least this can be a friendship, no emotional strings attached and no sexual intimacy attached. Just things buddies do together, when they appreciate one another's company." If this leads to romance, well then, you've got off on the right foot, I reckon.
But there's no actual way of knowing where an initial attraction towards someone is going to lead you, ultimately. The rest of it is the work and dedication you're ready to put into it becoming a worthwhile pursuit.
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So I came out to one of my friends today (she said she kinda figured I was gay or at least bi lol) and after a bit of talking she told me that she thinks that I am better at talking to guys that I am at talking to girls and she might to introduce me to her cute gay friends. 
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Good to hear Huggy, hope you manage to make some good new gay friends.
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Glad to hear how well it went, Huggy. Hope you find it easier and easier as you make those steps towards honesty with your loved ones.
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Huggy Wrote:So I came out to one of my friends today (she said she kinda figured I was gay or at least bi lol) and after a bit of talking she told me that she thinks that I am better at talking to guys that I am at talking to girls and she might to introduce me to her cute gay friends.
Huggy, now I am envious. I need friends that will help me meet cute gay guys.
I was going to post that I walked the same path as you. More fantasies about guys than gals. Once I quite focusing on the 'gay label' I found it extremely easy and uplifting to be who I am - a man attracted to other men.
If you are still unsure, then explore and experiment with both sexes. As long as you are protected, there is no harm that can come from it. Only experience, knowledge and wisdom.
Good luck with the journey.
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50Plus Wrote:Huggy, now I am envious. I need friends that will help me meet cute gay guys.
I was going to post that I walked the same path as you. More fantasies about guys than gals. Once I quite focusing on the 'gay label' I found it extremely easy and uplifting to be who I am - a man attracted to other men.
If you are still unsure, then explore and experiment with both sexes. As long as you are protected, there is no harm that can come from it. Only experience, knowledge and wisdom.
Good luck with the journey.
Yeah, I am pretty excited about being introduced to her friends. I've never had a friend who could help me out like this before lol. Then again it kind of seems like girls don't like hanging out with other girls that much.
This whole experience has been rather liberating in an odd way. I feel like I can really be myself and not have to worry about what girls think or anything like that. I actually kind of feel like my personality isn't very attractive to girls because I am a bit more passive and not quite as masculine as the average guy. For a long time I have felt like these were negative traits that I needed to work on, however I really don't like the idea of changing that much to impress women. I now feel that there isn't anything wrong with the way that I act and that I can be myself and not need to worry about being "friendzoned" by every girl I meet lol.
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