My best friend told me that he was in love with me

[Jack]

I don't know what to do, yesterday went as normally as any other day. I dropped Cooper off at work that morning, and then went to work myself. We played Mario Kart together and had a few beers and then he suddenly told me that he was going to hang out with his friend Jessica.
I sat in the apartment that evening bored, for awhile, went a few rounds with the speed bag, over cooked a hotpocket in the microwave...things like that. When I suddenly got a call from Cooper.
Before I could get a word out he told me to shut up and just let him talk, that he had something to tell me. I was instantly worried, thinking he was going to tell me that he had cancer or something like that. But he blurted out I love you, and I told him that I love him too hoping he would hurry up and tell me what was wrong with him, but he said that he loved me in a different way, that he was in love with me, that he pretty much had always love me. He told me that I was the most important person in his life, and then ended the call with, "You're the love of my life, Jack." And then he hung up on me.

I was in shock, I mean I knew he was gay but I didn't think I was his type. We are almost complete opposites.

I am straight, I've only ever dated and had sex with women. There is a girl that works at a bakery down the street where I live and I always ask for apple fritters, I hate apple fritters but they are on the bottom shelf and when she reaches for them I can see down her shirt. Its a shitty example but I have only ever looked at women in that way.

I haven't seen or heard from him since he called me and I'm worried, and scared that since I can't be with him that way that he won't have anything else to do with me. He is the most important person in my life as well. The only person that I trust, the only family I have. My mom wasn't worth shit, my brothers and I were taken away from her when we were kids and I haven't seen them or my mother since.

I never understood why he wanted to be my friend in the first place, I was a bad kid always fighting, hating everyone, being destructive.
He kept trying to share those damned animal crackers with me, even thought I was so mean to him he never gave up on me and we became friends over pokemon of all things haha.

Maybe I should have known how he felt about me, all these images keep popping into my head like videos,

The day he told me he was gay and then was so nervous about what I would think he threw up, or how he never got along with anyone I dated, and so many other moments.

He should hate me if anything, he was a well off kid, nice house, nice family, nice clothes, when he came out his dad raised all kinds of hell, saying he didn't have a son, calling him a nancy and horrible things, I punched him and broke his jaw.
He agreed not to press charges if Coop left his house and never came back, and he never did. I made him lose his home and his family. He went from never wanting for anything to working at taco bell.

Maybe he would be better off without me in his life, I'm poison everyone around me gets hurt or leaves me, my mother, my brothers....but I'm too selfish to let him go without a fight. He's my family, my friend.

I've probably been hurting him all these years, not knowing how he felt about me because I was too stupid to notice.

We haven't left each other's side in years, I don't want to lose him, what should I say to him?

I never in my life have opened up to anyone this much about what I'm feeling and ask for help but it's easier for me to talk to strangers online that I can't see face to face. I apologize if this post is too long or too rambling, I'm just at such a loss as to what to do..I wish I could return his feelings, him being hurt is the last thing that I want.

[Wolfpack]

You have been a very good friend to him, and I am sure his life has been so much better with you in it.
He is probably struggling very much with his "confession" to you, so you need to have a chat with him.
Tell you are very moved and touched by what he has told you, and thank him for being so honest and straight with you. But sadly you cannot return the feelings he so desires, but make it clear that your friendship him matters very much to you, state if you have to that you consider him your family.
You are both very close to each other I am sure it will work out for the best in time. Just understand that at the moment you are both struggling with your feelings.

[BlueStar]

Hurting the most precious person in your life isn't unusual, all best friends make mistakes with each other but that won't break them apart.

If you truly realize you're a constant wound to him, first thing to do is apologize for every time and everything bad you've caused him. Then gently tell him that you won't be able to share the same feelings he has for you.

Have a deep sincere conversation with him face-to-face. Express any bad thought that has been consuming you for hurting those close to you, and try asking him for help about how to change your attitude. You really need to know how to express love, being open and nice to people, and avoid hurting them because in the end you'll end up alone.

Start working on yourself, leave the old-you behind and keep it from ruining your future. You must begin a new life, as a new Jack, accepting everyone with an open heart. I know it seems too hard at first, so start by loving yourself, then loving your best friend as a brother. Eventually you'll become appreciated by many. I've passed through a such situation and I know how you feel.

And last but not least, both of you can't live without each other. It's not wrong among best friends, you're both feeling big pain at the moment. You can't afford to lose him, from what I read he loves you unconditionally. You're maybe his only reason to live, as much as he said you're the love of his life. Now might be a chance for you to repair the damage you caused him, fight your selfishness instead of throwing him. Don't leave him or let him go, you'll regret it for entire life.

Again, I feel what you feel, I hope this reply can help you at least a little. Have a great and sunny journey, and remember: never give up !

[Charon]

Okay, why is it only the old, such as myself, seem to know this. Loving someone does not mean you automatically will have sex with them. Straights and gays fall in love all the time and they emerge unscathed and possibly happier. Cooper-great name-is struggling with an honest admission that he may regret. Sometimes the status quo is better, if not happier than the status "may be". You love him, you wrote, it's something he needs to know. March right up to him, take him in his arms, tell him you love him, always have, never found a way to do it, and, if you wish, give him a kiss. Turn the tables, shock him. After which you can have a conversation in which some things are revealed. some guidelines are set up but....you'll have a friend you love as will he. It's just that simple. Both of you have over thought this, a young vice, until the point that it's a meta issue instead of two friends upping their caring and affection. Again, sex does not equal love, love is a lot more important.

[Aike]

I'd suggest telling him the same sorts of things you told us here. You don't need to have a complete answer worked up for him. It's OK to be confused, or to be "at such a loss as to what to do" like you put it, and you can tell him about that as well. The worst thing you can do is to keep everything to yourself in fear that you're just gonna hurt him. Keep the communication flowing.

[MikeW]

... Keep the communication flowing.

In a nutshell, that's it. I agree with pretty much what everyone else has said. Great advice here. Having a loving friendship is the best. It really is more important than sex. As someone who has been more or less on the Cooper side of the equation, I know how painful it can feel to be in love with a straight guy. You need to understand you aren't hurting him by being honest and being yourself. He has to take responsibility for his own feelings and sort them out for himself. Same for you, really. It is unfortunate that we can't always meet the needs of those we love but life is like that sometimes. All we can do is be there, not give up on the love, and let things slowly sort themselves out. I wish you both the best! As was said, just don't over think it. These situations are awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes embarrassing and painful but we have to learn to accept and respect differences within a friendship. I'll only add that sometimes very close friends even get into very bad situations (like really angry with one another, for example) but if the love is real we get beyond all that. I've had this happen many times. A difficult situation need not be the end of a friendship. Clamming up, isolating, not communicating--that is what ends a friendship.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

As afraid that you are he is going to up and vanish, so too does he fear that his confession will send you screaming for the hills.

Its a rather big deal for him and his confession took a great deal of courage.

Intellectually he knows nothing more than what you two have will come of this. Sure he is has great hope for more... but he knows that that ain't gonna happen.

Be honest with him, encourage more honesty from him.

Pretty much what you said here you should say to him.

This will work itself out in the end. As long as you two can keep an open dialog you can work through this and maintain the friendship.

[Borg69]

I'm going to think outside the box, and say "go for it". You love him, he loves you and is the one person who accepts you as you are and has stuck by you 100% through thick and thin. How often are you going to find that in your life?

You're willing to eat apple fritters you don't like to look at some chick you don't know's boobies - where's the grand sacrifice for your loved best friend? Give him a shot. What's the worst thing that can happen? If it doesn't work out you can always go back to just being friends again, with a little more intimate knowledge about each other than you have now. No biggie.

Have you never been curious in the slightest what a BJ from a guy would be like? Someone who really knew what they were doing, and WANTED to please you? Make his dream come true, and give him the gift of you.

[TwisttheLeaf]

First, it sounds like this has been eating at him or some time and his friend Jessica probably gave him the push to tell you how he was feeling. Confessing something that makes you feel so vulnerable is terrifying and he's probably just as scared as you that it's messed up your friendship.

You need to talk to him.

"He is the most important person in my life as well. The only person that I trust, the only family I have."

You need to tell him this. BUT, when you do, you also need to be very clear that you're straight and not interested in exploring anything with the same sex. That you care about what happens to your friendship and don't want this to get in the way.

[MikeW]

...Have you never been curious in the slightest what a BJ from a guy would be like? Someone who really knew what they were doing, and WANTED to please you? Make his dream come true, and give him the gift of you.

This *is* an option for *some* straight guys, not others. On one level sex is just sex but if it doesn't turn you on, what's the point? On the other side of the equation, being a gay man who has had sex with straight guys, there's nothing worse than getting all horned up with someone who just isn't really into it. That's not to mention all kinds of emotional feelings that can get churned up (fear, repulsion, disgust, disrespect for self and other, confusion, a sense of being used or violated, etc.). Some straight men just like sex and it doesn't really matter all that much whether particular body parts are involved. They also feel secure enough in their own sexuality that they don't fear 'getting turned' (or w/e). Same is true for some gay guys who can have sex with women but don't identify as bi. But there are a lot of variables and honesty and communication are key--especially when an already established emotional bond is involved. Sex may be an option or it may not be.