How can I destroy the closet without killing my morale?

[cftxp]

I'm going to do something a little bit unorthodox and showcase this stuff here as well as it does pertain to what I need help about.


The following are images of my second painting, as seen on this thread as a "work in progress".

Here's a reminder of the image I'm referring to.


This is how it looked after an hour of work on the second day.


And this is the final change done to the painting, which was finished a few hours after the last image was taken on the second day as well.


My professor told me to go bold, so I went bold and in her words, "made a statement". Mission accomplished!


Now, in dedication to Pride Month, I also utilized this theme for a project in the digital art class that I'm also taking in which I needed to create a set of 3 digital montages. I wish I told my professor for this class about my intent for this project as somehow, I ended up with sort of a depiction of gay history via digital art.

The Early Days - This first image is a variation of the final result of a montage in which I wanted to depict the voices of gay rights activism. The ominous skeletal figure represents the activists we've lost along the way who, despite threats of death that manifested themselves, did what they could to promote our dignity as human beings. This applies to past and present struggles for freedom, but specifically, as a tribute to the victims of the AIDS crisis.


Breaking Barriers - This second one depicts our collective struggle of breaking barriers. The skulls seen here represent the remaining walls to our progress which happen to be responsible for the deaths of so many of our own while obviously, the hole in the wall serves as the focal point as the subject of the piece.


Progress - This final image is still technically one of a work in progress but also, one that's very close to being a finished work. In this piece, I decided to create a very active background to depict chaos while the scarves (which you can see is a rainbow flag) is an allusion to gay rights. Also seen in the background are two hands (a drawing of my own) giving a thumbs up while a continuous form can be seen which I didn't notice at first as one with significance but eventually, found that it looks like a line graph tracking the levels of support for marriage equality in America. The only reason why this isn't a finished product is because the flag still seems a little out of place compared to the rest of the scene.


Coincidentally enough, these two projects are set to go inside the same exhibition (we have two this summer) and so it'll be interesting when people come in to see this sort of stuff hanging up.


So here's what I need advice about. On Monday, the last day of June, I have to share with my entire digital art class some of my works. Clearly, the works are ones that allude to a theme of gay rights and so I have to discuss that. My concern is the fact that I doubt anyone in the class knows that I'm gay and many times I've heard somewhat homophobic slander that I've accustomed myself to be alright with. On one hand, I'm pretty happy with how these images have turned out, even the last one which is still a work in progress, while at the same time, I have to share something very personal to me with an audience composed of individuals who are likely inclined towards a religious affiliation that doesn't approve of homosexuality and I guess I'm just afraid of getting emotionally scarred by that experience and their outright rejection of my being. I mean, the times I've felt even close to comfortable about discussing my sexuality were because I'm with people who I'm pretty sure would understand or empathize. To make matters worse, I already have symptoms of crippling social anxiety, but what would really kill me would be to go through another LGBT-based project I've done for a class and accept homoerasure as the norm - basically, my conscience would remember that at that moment, I was a coward, and only that despite the seemingly large amount of courage it took for me to come out to my high school friends on Facebook. It doesn't help that yesterday, my mom was essentially scolding me about coming out and just a few months ago my dad was talking about how there's something wrong with homosexual brains, just when I thought that things have changed with my parents but they're still unsure about whether I should keep my integrity or not as if it's their life and morals that are affected. I just think one more year....

But for this particular situation, I really have no idea what to do and I only have two days to prepare for however I should share this project. Although, I have a feeling that I'm leaning towards the idea that I'd rather have no friends in that class than compromise my own identity. If I did that, I still need to know how I'll approach the topic at hand to begin with. *sigh*

My only buffer is the fact that sexual orientation cannot be used to discriminate against anyone in my school, and so legally, they're in the wrong for reacting negatively.... but I will still know for the three weeks of class afterwards that they're judging me (although in subtle terms), I should probably also talk this over with my counselor during our appointment on Tuesday but in the meantime - shit. I don't want to push myself back into the closet and so it seems like I have no choice but to completely break open what remains of that closet door, then again, I have already come out to three people in the last 3 weeks. I should tell my mom about that and how nonchalant to supportive their reactions have been - but I doubt the same will happen on Monday. Though another bright side is that I have a chance to share facets of gay history with people who wouldn't know it otherwise.

[Bhp91126]

If the others in your art class are about your age you might be surprised how much of a non issue being gay for them is. Always remember that not you or your life are supposed to be discussed, but your artwork. Your artwork presents gay history as you saw it when your created it and any discussion of gay rights, your dating history, etc is irrelevant to judging your artwork.

[Lycanthropist]

I really like The Early Days and Progress. Do you have any high res versions of them? Also, may I have your permission to use them as my desktop background?

[CarGuy65]

cftxp, your artwork is very powerful to me and I have to say you are one talented young man. The one at the top is the one I can relate to with myself coming out about 2 years ago. I need a print of this on my wall!!!

[SkinnyGuy123]

I really really like the first picture with the person walking out of the doorway. Also the final piece with the flags flying.

As has sort of already been said, would you be able to just present your work as "having as its theme gay rights history, which you chose as an example of a powerful and contemporary emotive theme that has been in the news recently after the same-sex marriage bills, and because you thought it was unlikely anyone else in the class would have the same theme so would be original/one of its kind within the forthcoming exhibition" ? (i.e. phrase it as a choice of theme as an innovative idea) if you think you would be uncomfortable sharing its personal significance to you.

You might be able to gage your classmates' initial reactions when they first see the artwork and then adapt what you say.

Above all, good luck with showcasing your art pieces.

[LJay]

If you are planning any sort of continuing involvement with art, you had better get used to controversy unless you plan to do bucolic scenes in needlepoint. You might explore with your classmates the notion that to explore a topic is not necessarily to embrace it, though it may be the case. Even more important, you might remind them that personal expression can be a very important part of art, just like integrity, which should never be denied.

[cftxp]

Just an update: Thank you for your input everyone! I decided to just go to school and tell everyone in my class. For the most part, they were supportive - my fears were due to the homophobic remarks I've heard said in class before and for some reason, I felt nearly no judgment and actually got help when it comes to improving the final piece. I should also mention the fact that this was the first time I "came out" to a group of people. It took me 51 weeks to get to this point (I first came out July 2013) but with my experiences this past year and the clear need for people like me to do so, I felt like it was my responsibility to be honest and to be a self-advocate (like my counselor said). So yeah, that's about it, I ended the month finally having pride in myself so if anything, that's a great thing!

[Cuddly]

Looks awesome and good for you cftxp. You kind of had to be open about it, or you would offend your own art!! It is my opinion that the world will be more accepting of us if we show ourselves and how we are just as diverse a group of people as straights.

[cftxp]

Totally right Cuddly, and thanks for the compliment. That's exactly why I felt like I needed to do that! The only difference between us and straight people is that we aren't straight, otherwise, we're just as similar and different (even to each other) when you take other characteristics into account!

I almost forgot to mention, I downloaded the higher resolution of the three digital works so really, if someone wants to use it, just message me.

[SkinnyGuy123]

That is really good news. I'm glad you were able to "come out" to the class and felt comfortable doing so, and, of course, that it was pretty much a "non-issue" after all (as it should be in this day and age).