Having a bad time right now... my cousin and me

[Anonymous]

I guess I’ll start with a bit of a background. My cousin is the son of my aunt, my father’s sister, now he’s 20 and I’m 19. We spent a lot of time together when we were children, because our families lived very close each to other. We were great friends and then his family moved to live in another country, because his father found a good job there. I remember I was very sad and upset when he left. I know my parents mailed letters and talked to them over the phone, but that was all the grown-up stuff. Mine and his contact was cut completely, and I also had many other things to do, like school and basketball, and soon I didn’t have time to think about him at all and I was already used to the thought that I’ll never see my cousin again.

However somewhere in the late spring my aunt called and told that they would like to visit us for the summer. I was super excited to finally meet my cousin. So they arrived at the beginning of June and I almost didn’t recognize my cousin at all. I hadn’t seen him for some ten years or even more and I was amazed to see what kind of a hot guy he has turned into. He was happy to see me as well and we spend days talking and talking each to other about everything that has happened in our lives. It turned out that we were both waiting for the other to start the communication first and since I didn’t write to him all these years he thought I didn’t want to contact him. I felt so connected with him like I’ve never felt with any other person.

Now about what happened between us. He moved into my room, we had to share room, because our house isn’t that big. And so one evening he was looking around in my room and he found my gay porn magazine, I bought one as soon as I was sure that men turn me on. He asked me if I liked men, I said yes and after a while he said „me too”. We’re both closeted and both afraid our families won’t accept us. Later that night he kissed me on the lips. It felt good and at the same time it didn't because I thought we mustn't do such things. I know I like him as a guy, but that's so wrong as we're relatives. He says it's nothing, we're just cousins, not brothers, so we're not related that close. Every night when we lock the doors of my room, he wants to be a lot closer to me than he should and I know I want it too, but all the time I think about how bad this is. I know that there are many places where heterosexual cousin couples are allowed to marry, etc, but for me it seems strange. Maybe we're not close relatives, but we're still relatives.

I was so glad to meet him, but now I feel really bad. I wish he wasn't my cousin, but just some hot guy to fall in love with. I know that if we would have grown up together I probably wouldn't look at him this way. I guess it's the time and distance between us that made me forget that we're related and that I mustn't ever make love to him. Besides maybe it's not a good idea at all to become attached to him, because he'll go away again once the summer will be over. What should I do? Or I guess my real question is - how to stop wanting something you can never have?

[TwisttheLeaf]

Ok so.... I need to think about this and come back but my first thought was....

Why is this wrong?

I mean, you're not procreating, so where is the issue as long as you are both interested and willing?

Granted, I have a feeling your conservative family would have issue, but I'm not entirely sure where those issues would stem from, exactly, other than the whole hetero concern of "cousins shouldn't fuck/marry because of birth defects, etc"?

*goes to think on this a bit, might be back later to retract or add to what I've said so far*

[Borg69]

I agree with Leaf -

You're both adults, and it's not like one of you is going to get pregnant and have two headed children by mistake. A little exploration wouldn't be the end of the world. However, I wouldn't broadcast it to the family, either.

[MikeW]

If it is something you both want, I see no harm in it. Your decision.

[LJay]

The taboos against cousins having sexual relations stem from the possible abnormalities that may occur in their offspring. You need not pay any atention to them at all. What you should be rightly concerned about is your families and your own feelings.

[saif1232]

Yeh, I say go for it, although I'd suggest keeping it quiet from your family since it would probably create conflict, I personally beleive that as long as you are both acceping of it, its fine. However, you dont seem to be completely open to the idea, you need to make a choice, whether you wanna go there or not depending on what YOU think, not on what your family, or anyone else might think about this.

[Bhp91126]

I agree with you, that sex is not a good idea at this point. This could ruin family relations for a long time. If you weren't living at home, in another city, things could be different. But since both of you still live at home, tread carefully.

[Camfer]

Good idea not to get attached to him. Sounds like a chance for a helluva fun summer, so you two could have all kinds of fun together in and out of your bedroom. If you don't you'll probably regret it later!

Basing your decision on heteronormative concepts of incest is a cop out. You're just a bit too afraid to admit what you really want and take initiative to get it. You have a chance to learn a lot with him, as he also learns a lot with you. Will you? Let us know!

[Uneunsae]

If I had a cousin I was in love with, I'd go for it. Real love is not something that happens often in life, IMO.

[Anonymous]

But we're related. Ok, maybe not that close related but we still share more or less the same blood. That just feels weird. Maybe I'm not educated very well, but I've never heard of gay family members who'd be together.