For how long have you used someboby just for sex.

[ChadCoxRox]

Well...you say it isn't a "nice" thing and I vehemently disagree....

I have no idea why hot sex needs to "lead" to anything. Why can't it just be what it is?

When people have expectations....should'nt they own them instead of blaming the other person for not being who they want them to be?

I used hundreds of guys for sex...they used me....it was mutual and it was great. (well...most of the time it was) I am happy I did it and would do (most) of it again.

What I did was honest. No apologies...no regrets

I agree. The difference however is the term "mutual."

[ChadCoxRox]

Monogamous cheating. :confused:

[TwisttheLeaf]

O_O

I hope you made that up, but in case you didn't, I'm so sorry to hear that!
Drugs are bad.

Sorry man. Not made up. Thanks tho. And yeah. Drugs... especially meth IMO... very bad.

[novice]

If you are doing this to somebody I strongly suggest you lie and never tell them it was only about the sex. Understand I usually tell people to stick with truth, but truth in this sort of situation if they are blissfully ignorant will do far more damage than acting like love has cooled, or you just don't feet this realtionship is going anywhere and leave him like a lover would.

If this is happening to you, you must put a stop to it. You are only a victim as long as you allow yourself to be victimized. No man who would do this to you will respect you nor come to love you. If he is using you then its because he is selfish and knows no better. It is a form of abuse.... such people rarely change their spots without a serious life changing event to cause them to see the error of their ways and seek to change them.

It (apparently) was done to me but while it was never stated "it was only about the sex" the reason for the break up was equally as damaging (I WISH he'd just "acted like love has cooled, or you just don't feet this relationship is going anywhere.....") especially because it was done so coldly & casually the lack of "respect" &/or "love" (though I knew "love" wasn't there....yet, I'd hoped) shown was painfully clear.

I'm still trying to sort out if I "allow(ed) myself to be victimized" since I knew he didn't "love" me (though I felt he liked me a lot & cared for me & the relationship was progressing - albeit way too slowly for my liking) so therefore him disregarding my feelings was as much my fault as his -OR - if as East says: it was "mutual using each other for sex" & I can't "fault" him for not meeting "my expectations".

I personally would never, ever string someone along for a year & a half knowing full well they were thinking the relationship was going somewhere (& they were clearly very into me & it wasn't as "mutual"). It wasn't just sex - all the other stuff that happens in a relationship were there too.

He even mentioned (weeks after the break up) he was "a psychopath" when I'd texted him asking "why" he broke up & another time that I thought he was "a monster." Idk if he was kidding or what but inappropriate in a situation where you've devastated someone you claim to have "cared a lot about." He's possibly a mild narcissist as he never showed any of the other traits except a complete lack of empathy & extreme coldness. Though this could simply be the indifference people "show" when dumping someone out of the blue or when there never was any true feelings there (?).

I may never KNOW for sure but it HAS done me "severe damage."

[Uneunsae]

I would never do such a thing to anyone.

How terrible that people can do it so casually. It is too common, I'm afraid.

[Iceblink]

It is terrible that some people do that, but some people never fall victim to this because they recognize the signs of the person's real intentions. There are other people that might fall victim to this once and the learn from the experience. Then there are the people, and it seems it is mostly straight women and gay men, that seem to fall victim to this again and again. You read often their stories in online forums and hear them in real life, and yes, I know I risk being accused of victim blaming, but god forbid we should expect people to be alert and aware of the signs to protect themselves from being the victim. Some people get weak and blind in their desire to be in a relationship.

[Virge]

I was 15 when the 1st older woman seduced me. She was using me and I used back. By the time I was 18 I was juggling 2 others, one single, one divorced one married and they all more or less knew about each other. Once I was driving 2 of them would get me liquor just by calling me them ahead of time to get them to pick it up for me and I always paid them for it once I got dressed after sex. Everyone got what they wanted out of it, no one was hurt

Now I'm back living within 30 miles of all three of them almost ten years later, they're all married with kids and run into them sometimes. All three of them have said they've never told anyone and hope I don't ever do it either... oh well. I just screwed that up.

But never used a guy.... except when I want something cold to drink and am too lazy to go get it myself.

[novice]

.....but god forbid we should expect people to be alert and aware of the signs to protect themselves from being the victim. Some people get weak & blind in their desire to be in a relationship.....

You have a point. This guy actually seemed "angry" (or "annoyed?) at ME for having feelings for him - as if I should've "known" what he was up to & left (??). BUT, he put on a good "act" along the way. If I had more experience maybe I would've known gay men mostly use one another until they tire of the sex with a particular person &/or find someone they think will be "better" (or at least "new"). I am still however pretty shocked at how easily guys can abandon each other with complete disregard for the other person. They bitch about discrimination, etc. but I've been treated FAR worse by other gay people than I EVER have by ANY straight person. A community that treats each other as objects to used & discarded like trash is FAR from ideal if you ask me.

Believe me - I feel like a fool.

[East]

You have a point. This guy actually seemed "angry" (or "annoyed?) at ME for having feelings for him - as if I should've "known" what he was up to & left (??). BUT, he put on a good "act" along the way. If I had more experience maybe I would've known gay men mostly use one another until they tire of the sex with a particular person &/or find someone they think will be "better" (or at least "new"). I am still however pretty shocked at how easily guys can abandon each other with complete disregard for the other person. They bitch about discrimination, etc. but I've been treated FAR worse by other gay people than I EVER have by ANY straight person. A community that treats each other as objects to used & discarded like trash is FAR from ideal if you ask me.

Believe me - I feel like a fool.

Women have been complaining about men doing just that for centuries....and what one guy did to you is not representative of the "community"....he represents himself...

When a man tells you who he is....BELIEVE HIM! He said he was a psychopath.

I have been faithful for 28 years...yet I constantly hear a few pious individuals in "the community" go on and on about their high morals and good values and how people who are sluts are unworthy and not to be trusted...blah blah blah...they do this in the straight "community" as well.

Bottom line...people are individuals and should be treated as such and if you don't understand that you are part of the problem.

...and a little unsolicited advice....

The man I was with before this guy...he was an asshole. I pretended he wasn't. When he had sex on the bar in front of everyone before I came to work with the guy I hated the most...it was to break me. He had lost control and didn't like it. Instead of whining about what a victim I was...I took responsibility for my role in it. I knew exactly what kind of asshole he was and chose to ignore it and pretend otherwise when it suited me...

By owning my role in it...I was free to move on and leave the past where it belonged. I was not bitter...but I was a lot wiser. Self pity and victimhood will kill you slowly.

[happyschizoid]

Been there, done that. got the tshirt. In my defense I would say I wasn't doing it intentionally, I thought he was doing the same thing. After 6 months I realized what the situation really was and I broke his heart. I still have some guilt about it and wonder if he ever found his true love.

I was young and oblivious, now I'm old and oblivious. Some things never change