26 years old and still in the closet

[Uneunsae]

This rule that you need to "announce that you're gay" is an illusion and only a preference. Do what you are most comfortable with.

Also, do not confuse love with infatuation and do not cling to men just because you share your story with them.

[JimmyEcho]

Well, dunfollowme this isn't a bad place to be to get some good advice for these guys.
A lot have been where you were, (at different times in life)
Stick around for a while

[50Plus]

Dunfollowme, you are really fortunate. A number of very smart people took their time to respond to your request. There is some excellent advice. Jaxx did an excellent post. I hope you read it and re-read it.

I have fallen in love with the camera operator myself. I even went so far as to meet one or two of them in the city where they claimed to operate from. They never were available or were out of town whenever I was there. It took me a long time, and thousands of dollars, to realize that it was only me that was in love. They were not in love with me, and possibly not even interested in me.

As Jaxx said, there is no rule that it cannot happen. The chances are remote.

I do hope you get to meet someone and share your release with a real person. The first step is to come out to yourself. If you are gay, it is easy to say it to yourself. Try it. When I did it there was a massive smile on my face. You really are the only one you need to come out to.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I can't really give you a huge amount of advice on coming out, as I've been out my entire life. I think that people should choose when it feels right for -them- to come out. It isn't a race, and it isn't something you should feel pressured to do. It's something you should do in your own time.

I also think that it's okay if you don't feel comfortable in the "gay scene". Not all gay men (or women, for that matter) do. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

As for the camera/icam sites. If you're looking for someone to meet and fall for, then Aike is right. An international site isn't ideal. You should look into a dating site (not a site for hook ups, but a -dating- site) that services in your local area (or at least relatively local). Even if you don't meet up with those you meet from there right away but take things slow and online first before moving to meeting them in real life, it at least gives you the -option- of it turning into a RL relationship.

This is not to say that long distance relationships can't work. I've been in one with Gideon for over 6 years and we live a good 2400 miles apart. That said? You need to be comfortable with being -alone- for it to work, and willing to put in a huge amount of extra work (both by you and the other party) to make it work. This doesn't -sound- like it would suit you very well, so online connections that are more local may be a better option.

Welcome to GS. And good luck, man.

[Camfer]

Yep, you're struggling to come out. Your gay friends know you're gay. Your fanatasy relationships over the internet are mere illusions. Get out of the house and live your life fully. It's time.

[dunfollowme]

Thank you for all the replies. I didn't expect that! Thank you for your help especially to Jaxx37! It means a lot to me!!!

Let me answer some of your questions:

I tried to come out to my close friends but somehow I didn't find the courage to do it. I have a few gay friends but none of them are close friends and they are in other countries. I still can't find a friend I feel completely comfortable to come out to.

When I say normal and healthy I mean the life without my love relationship. The "abnormal" and "unhealthy" is that I haven't been into relationship for the last 25 years and still struggling with my sexuality. I feel I'm getting old and I am afraid my life will end up like this forever, as I think the older I get the harder I can find love. And I feel like if I come out I could change the situation? But then I still can't have the courage to do it.

I think that's stupid to get attached to people I meet online too. But I get addicted to the online cam chat things because internet is the place I can only feel comfortable and secure as I don't have reveal my true identity. I feel free to be gay and say I'm attracted to guys. That's why I can only express myself on the internet. And those people are the only ones who know I'm gay so I can freely talk about myself with them. But worst part is that "straight guy" has done things with guys so he's not that straight. He would tease me and said things to me to help me jerk off. But then when I stop talking to him he never talks to me back. I still want to keep a good relationship with him and I feel like I'm gonna lose this friend but if I keep talking to him I will only get more attached to? And in fact this kind of situations happens to me many times. Do I feel attached to a guy too easily? Why can't I find a guy who loves me as much as I do?

I'm wondering if there is a "right one" or "true love"? Or I shouldn't have that kind of concepts in my mind. I feel like I have always fallen in love with the wrong persons and that is disastrous.

[Camfer]

I feel like I have always fallen in love with the wrong persons and that is disastrous.

One of the best ways to stay stuck in the closet and not moving forward in your life is to pick guys where the relationship isn't real or couldn't possibly work. It's a subconscious strategy of denial that keeps you safe instead of out in the dangerous realms of actual face to face dating of real guys in real life. You're scared. Out gay guys are not going to want to deal with someone grappling with all this. So really don't worry about dating, true love, and all that stuff.

Your next steps are to get comfortable with yourself and hang out with gay people in real life and develop real friendships where you bring your whole self forward for people to know. That other stuff of love and dating comes much later. Musing about it now is a delaying tactic.

[Edward]

Don't worry about being in the closet. I'm only out to my family and close friends. Because of my job and basically my life I cannot possibly be out to everyone and I don't even feel such need. For me it's important that only the people who are dear to me know and accept.

[dunfollowme]

Thanks again for the replies. That has cleared my thoughts more. However the question is that I don't really know where I can find gay friends to hang out with. I tried to use grindr once and hung out with a gay guy and I didn't enjoy it at all. All people who I talked to on grindr just asked for my pics or ask for sex which I didn't really want. I subsequently deleted it. I think the main problem I have now realized is that I don't know if I want to be in that kind of gay community or what kind of gay community I want to be in and how to get into that.

[Borg69]

Grind'r is a HOOKUP site... Not a friend/dating site. You're looking for cupcakes in a sushi bar.

Put the PC down and go to gar bars/clubs, join gay groups- bowling, hiking, underwater basket weaving... or where ever it is gay people hang out in the flesh (no bath houses) in your area.