My boyfriends Ex

[MikeW]

Wait, why not come across as "the jealous boyfriend?" I don't know, maybe my testosterone is a little high or my straight side is coming out of something… but fuck this. If you were a heterosexual man and some jerk X was messing with your girlfriend, what would you do? Have a chat with the girlfriend of course. But then you would catch this mofo out alone, grab him by the shirt collar, push him up against the wall and get real in his face and tell him to fuck the hell off--right?

And if you're worried about how the boyfriend is going to react to this, well, looks to me like he's enjoying getting you jealous and if he found out you did this to protect your relationship, he'd probably keel over in a swoon. Perfect time to have some rough sex to show him who's boss in bed, too.

I'm being a *bit* raunchy here (normally total Mr. Nice Guy which anyone here can attest). But there are times when you have to lay down the law: What is your truth? How does this shit make you feel? Do you feel you have to put up with this crap because of your BF? I sure as hell wouldn't and I'd make that damn clear to both of them real fast. You don't feel comfortable and don't like what's going on. Well, guess what, IF you have a relationship, you have every right to feel as you feel and to say so in no uncertain terms.

Now, beyond that, everybody else gets to have their feelings and say so, too. BUT, not the X, not in terms of your relationship. He's not apart of your relationship. Or, if he is, you need to know that real fast. If this is some kind of 'game' then you need to put an end to it.

BTW, did you say you three work together?? WTF is that all about?? MEMECHOSE! Someone, anyone, we have to chronicle some of these posts and write a book: Recipes for Gay Disaster!

[Uneunsae]

^ You said a lot of things I was thinking. lol

[CellarDweller]

I'm being a *bit* raunchy here (normally total Mr. Nice Guy which anyone here can attest). But there are times when you have to lay down the law: What is your truth? How does this shit make you feel? Do you feel you have to put up with this crap because of your BF? I sure as hell wouldn't and I'd make that damn clear to both of them real fast. You don't feel comfortable and don't like what's going on. Well, guess what, IF you have a relationship, you have every right to feel as you feel and to say so in no uncertain terms.

I'm not saying that the OP has to be a doormat or lay back and accept this. I suggested a compromise is best.

I've posted in another thread that I'm still good friends with an ex who lives in New Zealand. I get that makes it different, he's "way down under" and a world away. That being said, I still take his calls and we chat online as well.

He has a new partner, so while we are close, we don't chat as much as we used to.

If a boyfriend were to 'lay down the law' with me and tell me I was no longer to talk to him, it wouldn't be long before he wasn't my boyfriend any longer.

I am more than willing to communicate about issues and come to a solution that works for everyone, but don't give me an ultimatum, because you'll get an answer you don't like.

[MikeW]

I am more than willing to communicate about issues and come to a solution that works for everyone, but don't give me an ultimatum, because you'll get an answer you don't like.

I'm friends with my X as well (first partner, latter two are deceased). That's not the issue here as it is being told. (What the truth is, who the hell knows.) As it is being told, SMILIO (damn auto correct!!!) is getting played by both the X and the BF. I wouldn't tolerate THAT. And I wouldn't be nice about it any more than you'd be nice about an ultimatum. Get it? Either a relationship is sacrosanct or it isn't. IF it is an open relationship, that's a whole other kit and caboodle.

[Uneunsae]

People who are "just friends" do not behave this way with each other. Looks like there are fuzzy boundaries between the BF and the ex and that is not okay. The BF should be telling the ex to back off, and the OP shouldn't be the one that has to do it. The fact that a conversation has to even occur for this to happen is crazy. Why should you have to ask your BF, "Could you please tell your ex to stop flirting with you?"

Is this the Twilight Zone?

God, I must be REALLY old fashioned (or probably just very considerate of my partners)!!

[CellarDweller]

Just goes to show how people can read the same thing, and take different parts from it.

The OP (from what I read) didn't mentioned 'getting played' by them both.

THis is what I took from it.

However the problem I have with it now is that now both is guy is back they are really good friends in work that is slightly starting spill out to outside work because this guy keeps asking him to come out. I don't like this guy , he isn't the type of guy I'd choose to socialise with due to our differences in views and lifestyles. But my boyfriend has a good laugh with him and jokes around about certain past things in front of me that he knows makes me really uncomfortable.

Furthermore this guy has invited himself round for dinner one night in the future, and instead of my boyfriend suggesting this is a bad idea knowing full well I don't like him, he keeps mentioning like it will happen.

Another incident happened where there was blatant flirting going on in front of me by this guy to my boyfriend in a taxi on the way home. My boyfriend had no clue what was going nk but me and my friend in the taxi could see it, how he kept trying to get my boyfriend to move closer to him or was suggesting little things of oh no don't touch my leg - when my boyfriend wasn't.

I don't like the level of comfort that's there if I'm honest and my boyfriend is way to keen to defend him and talk to him and create possible social occasions with him when he knows I'm not comfortable with the way they are because we've talked about.

According to the bolded parts above, Smilio is not happy with the friendship that is happening with his boyfriend and his past fuck-buddy.

One part I bolded, Smilio says that his boyfriend didn't know what was going on, so at that point, he couldn't have been playing him if he didn't even know what was going on. This part could also give some help. According to the post, Smilio's friend also saw what was going on. This friend can support/back-up what Smilio is seeing, which would show that Smilio is not acting like a jealous boyfriend.

[Camfer]

...
Another incident happened where there was blatant flirting going on in front of me by this guy to my boyfriend in a taxi on the way home. My boyfriend had no clue what was going nk but me and my friend in the taxi could see it, how he kept trying to get my boyfriend to move closer to him or was suggesting little things of oh no don't touch my leg - when my boyfriend wasn't.

Addressing this one point. If you do not like what someone is doing, call them on it. Don't just sit there and be all passive. Be direct. The ex gets away with this in your presence because YOU let him, not because your BF lets him.

[Buzzer]

I'm not saying that the OP has to be a doormat or lay back and accept this. I suggested a compromise is best.

I've posted in another thread that I'm still good friends with an ex who lives in New Zealand. I get that makes it different, he's "way down under" and a world away. That being said, I still take his calls and we chat online as well.

He has a new partner, so while we are close, we don't chat as much as we used to.

If a boyfriend were to 'lay down the law' with me and tell me I was no longer to talk to him, it wouldn't be long before he wasn't my boyfriend any longer.

I am more than willing to communicate about issues and come to a solution that works for everyone, but don't give me an ultimatum, because you'll get an answer you don't like.

But this situation isn't a very distantly removed ex living a continent away. This is someone both of them work with, who josh around and are friendly right in the OP's face, and whom the OP's boyfriend wants to make part of their private at-home social life.

If anyone told me that their ex was going to become part of our private time socially even though I didn't like it, it would be fine with me if they said they didn't like ultimatums and left.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Addressing this one point. If you do not like what someone is doing, call them on it. Don't just sit there and be all passive. Be direct. The ex gets away with this in your presence because YOU let him, not because your BF lets him.

^^
Very true.

It might feel rude. Hell, it might feel like you're being a fucking ASS. But sometimes you just have to speak up and say "HEY, what the hell are you doing? That's mine."

[Gideon]

^^
Very true.

It might feel rude. Hell, it might feel like you're being a fucking ASS. But sometimes you just have to speak up and say "HEY, what the hell are you doing? That's mine."

*Thinks about this*

I don't think it's rude or being an ass...then again, I have done this often enough in the past without a second thought to whether it was rude or not. It's -MINE- and if someone else is trespassing where they don't belong? Then they're the ones being fucking rude.