I want to confess to him and ask him leave me alone

[lukeito12]

Back to 4 months ago, my colleague who is 46 and has 3 children has always contacted me and deal with normal office stuff. Each time after confirmation, we might share our private talk on our hobbies and so on. One thing he is not aware of is that I am in love with him.

I am feeling very difficult that he has nice family and also consider that it is impossible for him to accept me as his outside bisex partner.

Till now, he is not aware of my bisexual identity. I am planning to to confess to him my sexual status and I used to love him once. And ask him to have ordinary colleague relationship treatment. And ask him keep all clear without hidden messages.

What do you think? I kept thinking that this will not ruin our friendship and also could possible make up all clear. Because I am sick of him. He is bisex nature and he just dont want to show his other personality.

[50Plus]

Continue to talk with him over the coming months.
Start the conversation on the sexuality of others to find out if he is OK with bisexuals and gays.
Carry on the conversation.
If it feels safe, consider revealing your sexuality. Don't rush it.
Carry on the conversation.
If he asks you what type of guy interests you, tell him [this is where you could use him as an example].
Judge his reaction.
Consider your next steps carefully. Be patient. Take your time.

[Iceblink]

You have said he has three children. You have not said whether he is single or married. That will make a difference in the answer to your question.

Although I do wonder, what is the point of confessing to him if you are then going to ask him to leave you alone? You are in a business relationship with him, and a confession like this could make things uncomfortable on the job.

[Adam]

You said that you didn't think that he would accept you as his "outside bisexual partner" - which leads me to assume he's married.

And tell him to leave you alone? It doesn't sound like he's ever come on to you or done anything that any random co-worker might do. If you "used to love him" but don't anymore, why even bring it up?

I'm sorry, but this whole thing sounds like a ploy to try to provoke him into doing something that you'll both most likely regret.

Sorry, I don't want to sound mean - but leave it alone.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He is bisex nature and he just don't want to show his other personality.

He told you that himself or this is conclusion you have reached through innocent conversations?

Love is a tricky thing... No - actually love is a mental illness that presents with hormonal and chemical imbalances that does tricky things to the brain.

He (most likely) may only be interested in you as a buddy/friend and all his welcome and conversation may be his attempt to form a friendship with you.

There is also this minor age gap. You kids take some things us older people say and twist it to fit your reality. Us older folk often say things which for us are innocent and harmless, but since language is living and always changing, sometimes innocent things become less than innocent.

Forgive my own ignorance on the following:

Your status says bi man in an open gay relationship.... Now from my understanding of Open (which is based on the 20th century meaning of the phrase open relationship) this only means open to sex outside of the relationship, not open to love outside of the relationship.

So if that definition still applies, how wise is it to admit you fell in love with another man? If that got back to your partner would he be understanding or upset?

I assume you and this co-worker haven't had sex, which makes me wonder about the whole love thing here. Love is one of those words that has way too many depths, levels and meanings to convey a single concept of what you are really feeling.

Since this work related and you are in Indonesia... Gay Rights in your country appear to still be hotly debated with a lot of laws surrounding the subject: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Indonesia

How would confessing to a not so tolerant co-worker turn out for you at work and in your society?

And this will bring me to another point which is based on the assumed aspect here that he is actually bisexual.

If he is bisexual, and married with kids in the environment of a closed society (one that is closed to LGBT) he has worked for a long time, 20+ years to keep his little secret.

Most people who live in a repressive society are on edge if they have a secret. And innocent confrontation based on your falling in love with him might actually be read as his cover has been blown. That can end in ways that are not happy, from his blowing the whistle on you to get your fired or something, to his being physically defensive if you bring it up....

With that said, you can't just blurt how how you feel here. you have to tread very carefully to find out how accepting he is of LGBT as a whole. If he denies it or is against it, I strongly urge you to drop the subject and let it go.

I hope something of all of that helps.

[TwisttheLeaf]

It doesn't sound like he's ever come on to you or done anything that any random co-worker might do. If you "used to love him" but don't anymore, why even bring it up?

I'm sorry, but this whole thing sounds like a ploy to try to provoke him into doing something that you'll both most likely regret.

Sorry, I don't want to sound mean - but leave it alone.

I agree with this.

If he hasn't made any advances on you or tried to move things in a sexual direction, then your attraction to him is YOUR problem. Not his. Don't make it his problem.

[lukeito12]

Hi All,

Thank you for all your opinion. I hope I can handle this situation.