What do you do when you get harrased for being LGBT?

[lauj]

I've been harassed a few times for being gay and all I ever did was walk away pissed off (except that part about me hitting a chick) I'm not good with words so I can't make any witty comments on the spot. I feel like a prick for doing this but I knocked out a female once for talking about me. We were both drunk, she came to the party drunk and no one didn't really know who she was. She didn't look 16 at all but she threw off my hat and told me I wasn't going to do anything because I'm a fag. My buddy pushed her off my twice and the third time she did it I hit her. She fell down and I jumped on her and continued to hit her. I broke her jaw, cheek bone, nose and gave her a black eye. I still feel bad today and I apologized to her in court in front of everyone but she didn't say a thing to me. And surprisingly I won the case but I wouldn't have done this if I wasn't drunk. I had a chick in my class ask me 5 times if I liked P****. Than she glared at me and walked away like she was miss pretty. My teacher didn't do anything, no one did until I got mad and left the class and that's when every tries to be your best friend and tell you what she did was wrong. No one never said anything back to that lady. Another time a friend and I were at Applebees, 4 females heard our conversation, and told us to leave. They looked at us like we were sick, like their was something wrong with us. All my buddy asked me was what kind of guys I was into. We left without a word, ever since that happened I've never gone back to that place. So I would like to hear some stories of other people who've gone through this and what they did. It would be nice to learn from each other.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I walk away usually knowing full well that there is no cure for bigotry/hatred.


Mind there have been fist fights and other interesting things... but they started the physical violence.

[Cuddly]

I've always been met with acceptance. I imagine I'd laugh because I wouldn't know what else to do or if the person was serious. If I was asked if I liked dick I'd just say yes... If I was told to leave (by other costumers?) I'd be in deep shit. I can't just walk away, but I don't want a conflict. Particularly not if I'm outnumbered.

[ChadCoxRox]

Such a difficult subject. I want so much to be a bad ass educator, but I've been on both ends of the pluses and the minuses of such aspiration. I like a lovely quote in this regard.

“Rather than the strength it takes to not lose, it's the strength to stand back up after a loss that is sometimes more valuable.”
― Kyo Shirodaira, Spiral: The Bonds of Reasoning, Vol. 04

Since I learned to live a simple life for the sake of healthy recovery I've sought out ways to let go and let God such that I can still hold my head up high and live satisfied without the old insatiable drive for vindication.

[CellarDweller]

I used to ignore it when I was younger, and it was bad when I was younger.

Now, it doesn't happen anymore.

[Virge]

Luaj,
I'm not going to get into your case about hitting a woman/girl.... or anyone else.
I run into violence all the friggin time through working in a jail. People end up there because of violence and get to meet me up close and personal because of violence while there. Here's what I've learned about violence.

Everyone does the best they can in any situation and circumstances at that moment
with the tools they have to work with at that moment and those circumstances.

You just didn't have a great set of tools at that moment and in those circumstances,
That's all.

The best thing to do to avoid being harassed is to avoid making yourself an easy target. A huge factor is the confidence you project. It takes a while to learn when you can assert yourself and when not against someone harassing you. Me being tall and pretty well known for being gay and a fighter makes me a prime target in bars for drunk women who assume I won't hit them. The first thing I do is put on my psycho smile, invade their personal space and talk real sweet as I say, "when was the last time someone tied your tits in a knot behind your head?" That usually does it.

Now in stores, or any businesses where an employee pops off at me... It's a no brainer. I will stay there, politely in their face until the law comes to settle an issue about a man who's been called out or disrespected for being gay by an employee. I will humiliate them in front of customers and coworkers and use my phone to have corporate headquarters on the line if it's a franchise so they can hear everything. I never raise my voice or make threats, never respond directly to insults or threats and most of all smile the whole time. With few exceptions are there any franchises or chains wanting to get into litigation about employees being rude to gay people.

That Applebees incident you mentioned... if you'd played that right, the girls would have been history and you'd have gotten a gift card for at least $50 -- maybe $100.

But unless you can do this with complete confidence and a totally cool head you're better off taking CCRox advice.

[Uneunsae]

Firstly, I'm sorry to those who have had bad experiences.

Personally, I get more harassment for being intersex and looking feminine. Luckily, I've never been physically assaulted (other than by my family), but I've been bullied, laughed at, shamed, etc. Sometimes I just let people call me "ma'am" and just go on with my day because I don't want to start a conversation about it and encounter more hateful people. Yes, I know I could educate others, but you know what, I have a fixed amount of energy each day and I often need to focus on myself.

[50Plus]

Firstly, I'm sorry to those who have had bad experiences.

Personally, I get more harassment for being intersex and looking feminine. Luckily, I've never been physically assaulted (other than by my family), but I've been bullied, laughed at, shamed, etc. Sometimes I just let people call me "ma'am" and just go on with my day because I don't want to start a conversation about it and encounter more hateful people. Yes, I know I could educate others, but you know what, I have a fixed amount of energy each day and I often need to focus on myself.

The truth tho is that you could not educate them. Only those that want to be educated will be. Your energy is better saved for yourself and that special guy in your life.

As for the insults and the like, my favourite trick is to show them that I am the superior being. That is usually easy because I do view myself as superior to most all of the unwashed trash that populates our globe. There are likely less than 100 people who I would consider close to my equal. And yes, I am an arrogant and ignorant prick. But I am competent. And I am me.

[Uneunsae]

That's true, you cannot educate those who are not open to it.

I am quite friendly to everyone - I just go on with my day.

[TwisttheLeaf]

1) Ignore it without letting them push me around. I will not leave because some bigot tells me to. I will not walk away from whatever I'm in the middle of or doing because some asshole decides they have to state their opinion. In most cases, I simply give them a level stare (that most people relay makes them feel like an unruly toddler being put in their place), then tune them out and pretend they don't exist.

2) If presented with violence, I will defend myself. Not to the extreme of the OP's post, but I don't have an issue with mimicking (slightly harder than done to me) something a chick has done to me. In most cases (with women) this is enough to back them off. I also have no issue with inflicting violence on men who seem to think it's okay to inflict violence on me first.

3) The exception to #1 and #2 is the age-old rule... If you punch someone in the face and it doesn't phase them, it's time to run. Know what battles you just -can't- win and make sure you don't put yourself in them.